Recently I've been rethinking my whole life.
I read this BBC article about how Buddhist monks were found to be the happiest people in the world. Scientists did brain scans measuring things like serotonin and they found that Buddhist monks were significantly happier than other people.
That got me reading a few Buddhist books and I really like them. Buddhists abstain from sex, they abstain from acquiring material possessions, they don't get married and they don't have kids. So why on earth do we as a society go on to do the exact opposite to what they do ? Spending years at university doing a degree I don't even like just so I can get money to buy things I don't need. Putting up with relationships that are nothing but spending time trying to guess what the other person is thinking and lets face it statistics show it will all end up screwing up.
I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. Me and my gf are happy but every time I see her talk to a guy it annoys me. Even though I trust her I can't really trust her. People let you down its all they do.
I want some time to myself to find clarity and a sort of calmness about my mind that I've been reading about. The problem is what if my depression is causing all this ? Then I dump my gf and drop out of school and then a year later realised i've messed up. I actually really believe in this though. Part of me just wants to go and become a monk and live peacefully somewhere without having to worry about being rich and handsome for society. Putting up with relationships with friends and partners that lets face it are never as perfect as you see on t.v.