Hi.
I'm an 18 year old guy and I want to be a doctor, more than anything else in the world. People is my school automatically assumed I was clever because I was introverted and polite and I think I liked to believe I was some sort of genius too. I did well in my gcse's without giving it a second thought. Then when it came to the first year of A levels It went down hill, I was arrogant and thought I could do well without working and my grades of BCCD showed me up. My family was distraught, I was devastated. My family destroyed any self-confidence I had by reminding me how badly I had failed, don't get me wrong, they had good intentions, they wanted me to succeed and as my younger sibling suffers from severe learning disabilities they told me to my face I used to be their only hope. Now I know these aren't the worse grades in the world, but for medicine... they are. I was ashamed to tell people I still wanted to do medicine and how people would judge me on those grades. My teachers told me politely, to look somewhere else...Well I decided to end the little social life I had and work every opportunity I could get. Whenever my friends asked me to go out I would say no. I was feeling down and depressed but I thought all these feelings would go away if I got the grades I needed. But even after my exams finished, whenever my friends asked me to go out, to festivals, to pubs or just hang out, I would make an excuse, I don't know why, I just did.
August 2016, I got A*AA, my parents cried with happiness, I was over the moon, for about an hour, then I became scared. I thought I would magically feel like myself again, happy, no longer anxious and depressed, but these feelings were and are still here and I feel silly for thinking they could just go away with a few letters on a piece of paper. Now all my friends are at university and I'm stuck at home, nothing to do, not even guaranteed an interview. I thought about going to the GP a few times, but I'm pretty sure I have to disclose information about my health before I join and it's not discrimination if they reject me, because they have grounds to do so, medicine is a stressful career and if I can't handle some AS levels how can I handle a career in medicine? (what they can argue, not what I think). And I was worried how I may have felt if I didn't do well in my A2 levels, I can't even think about how I'll feel if I end up with no offers.
Are there any online-based chats I can use for support, I know there is a lot of phone help lines, but I don't feel comfortable talking on the phone.
Thanks.