Missing my ex at Christmas :(

i was with my ex-boyfriend for 4 years. At the start of the relationship, i felt like i liked him more than he liked me. We got together at uni because he kept messaging me after nights out but when we started dating, he acted a bit weird. He would sometimes call me nasty names pretending he was joking and he had a weird obsession with a girl he'd worked with before uni. He kept texting her suggestive things and was always looking at her facebook photos. He was also secretly meeting up with his mate's ex but denying it afterwards. It upset me a bit but i carried on with things because i liked him so much - they say love is blind and it's true in this case!

After the first year, things got better. I felt like we were finally on the right track and he seemed to have stopped messaging this girl. A few years later, when we had left uni, i stayed at his house and caught him going through her facebook pictures again. They were all bikini photos and it was like he'd been checking them every day. It really upset me and i told him to just break up with me if he'd rather be with her. I honestly felt like he was making do with me because he couldn't have her.

To cut a long story short, i got sick of it. I couldn't move past all the stuff that had happened and i was sure he'd cheated with his mate's ex too. It was depressing me and affecting my job. His family also didn't think i was good enough for him as he's from a rich background and i'm not. We decided to break up a few months ago and for a while, i was fine. I didn't really miss him and i felt like it was the right decision. It was a relief because i didn't have to worry anymore.

As christmas time has approached, i've been missing him. When someone is part of your life for 4 years, it's hard to just cut contact. He stopped speaking to me after we broke up and i tried texting him but would just get short answers back. He has also started uni again so has loads of friends and doesn't want to know me. We used to spend every christmas together and every new years eve. This will be the first time without that and i feel sad.

It's not because i want him back. I don't - we weren't suited and it was like i was never good enough for him. I miss his friendship and i miss having him in my life. I texted him last week asking how uni was going and he replied saying it was good and then used it as an opportunity to make a dig at my job. He didn't ask a question or anything so i felt like there was nothing else i could talk about.

It's hard because i want him as a friend but i know it won't ever be the same. He seems to be determined to try and upset me every time we speak, through some comment or something he's done. We're not even friends on facebook anymore because he put up loads of photos of him in a club with his girl mates straddling him and i knew it was aimed at me. I wish he wasn't so spiteful because i wouldn't ever hurt him.

I wish i could talk to him like old times and have him reply without spite or an agenda. I wish i could tell him some of the stuff i've said here but i can't. It's weird thinking i will probably never see him again. It's not about moving on, because i think i have. I don't love him anymore but there's a weird hole in my life without him. I sometimes wonder if he ever thinks about me or whether he's too busy with his new uni friends.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? Or do you have any advice? Don't even know why i'm feeling like this now, i was fine before.

Don't try to deny it. You still love him.

Your insecurities and obsession that everything he does relates to you is enough proof to justify this claim.

You've made a scenario in your head that he cheated with his mate's ex to try and justify you being the better person in this scenario.

You've quite obviously hurt him and he doesn't want anything more to do with you. You've made your bed so now lie in it.

Wow, you obviously know exactly what happened based on the small amount of information I've told you

I have proof that he cheated with his mate's ex but I don't want to discuss it so I haven't 'made a scenario in my head', I'm not a psycho who sits and makes imaginary situations up.

Not sure exactly what I've done to hurt him either. It wasn't me that had the obsession with another girl for the 4 years we were together.