why cant i move on even after this long?
i haven’t been with my ex for over a year now, he still sits on my mind. i’ve tried seeing other people but it’s just not been the same. he’s had one girlfriend of 6 months since me (although they are not together anymore) as well as multiple flings. i’m at the point i feel i’ll never find love like that again, even if it was me who loved more.
recently i saw him in public so sat down and apologised for things in the past and we got talking about life and he was really talkative towards me, he even bumped into me again two days later and ended up talking about all his recent events in the past few days.
all of this has added up to my thoughts of him, i’ve always missed him and he cheated and left me but it makes me feel i’ll never find someone who was as kind and loving as he was, before he changed.
one guy i saw since him was way too soon, my ex even laughed about him and asked about him back in february but his opinion also cohered me to put an end to the guy before it became official, idk why he’s always had such an influence over me this year
if anyone could give some support or advise i’d really appreciate it
recently i saw him in public so sat down and apologised for things in the past and we got talking about life and he was really talkative towards me, he even bumped into me again two days later and ended up talking about all his recent events in the past few days.
all of this has added up to my thoughts of him, i’ve always missed him and he cheated and left me but it makes me feel i’ll never find someone who was as kind and loving as he was, before he changed.
one guy i saw since him was way too soon, my ex even laughed about him and asked about him back in february but his opinion also cohered me to put an end to the guy before it became official, idk why he’s always had such an influence over me this year
if anyone could give some support or advise i’d really appreciate it
There's no easy solution unfortunately. It will hurt if you felt like he was "the one" at the time. And bumping into him likely brought back that nostalgia.
But personally I'd say you need to remember why you two broke up in the first instance. A relationship needs mutual trust and respect. And who was he to comment on your new love interest after what he did?
I fear that the more you interact with this guy, the more your feelings will be hurt
But personally I'd say you need to remember why you two broke up in the first instance. A relationship needs mutual trust and respect. And who was he to comment on your new love interest after what he did?
I fear that the more you interact with this guy, the more your feelings will be hurt
How long have you been with your ex? Was that a long term relationship?
Original post by Anonymous #1
i haven’t been with my ex for over a year now, he still sits on my mind. i’ve tried seeing other people but it’s just not been the same. he’s had one girlfriend of 6 months since me (although they are not together anymore) as well as multiple flings. i’m at the point i feel i’ll never find love like that again, even if it was me who loved more.
recently i saw him in public so sat down and apologised for things in the past and we got talking about life and he was really talkative towards me, he even bumped into me again two days later and ended up talking about all his recent events in the past few days.
all of this has added up to my thoughts of him, i’ve always missed him and he cheated and left me but it makes me feel i’ll never find someone who was as kind and loving as he was, before he changed.
one guy i saw since him was way too soon, my ex even laughed about him and asked about him back in february but his opinion also cohered me to put an end to the guy before it became official, idk why he’s always had such an influence over me this year
if anyone could give some support or advise i’d really appreciate it
recently i saw him in public so sat down and apologised for things in the past and we got talking about life and he was really talkative towards me, he even bumped into me again two days later and ended up talking about all his recent events in the past few days.
all of this has added up to my thoughts of him, i’ve always missed him and he cheated and left me but it makes me feel i’ll never find someone who was as kind and loving as he was, before he changed.
one guy i saw since him was way too soon, my ex even laughed about him and asked about him back in february but his opinion also cohered me to put an end to the guy before it became official, idk why he’s always had such an influence over me this year
if anyone could give some support or advise i’d really appreciate it
I think the best thing to for you to do is start putting yourself out there and date other people I think the more you interact with your ex the more you are gonna want him back in your life . By investing yourself in someone new you at least open yourself up to feel the love you may have felt with your ex . Don’t just give up because your first trial post break up was kinda of a floppage . Who knows maybe the next person you will meet will be better than your ex .
Best of luck
I'm in a slightly similar position, but in other ways its very different.
Around 8 months ago, my ex and I split up, we were together for 18 months and were long distance. It has since become very clear that she used me to get dating experience but without being in a "real" relationship. Even if that wasn't her conscious intention. I don't want to delve into all that too much, but the point is, she ended things back then.
The past 8 months have been awful. I have no desire to be in a relationship with her, but I miss her dearly, or maybe the way I felt around her, maybe both. I struggle sleeping, I struggle with motivation and it takes so much energy to mask around other people and just do the little things in life.
Now, I don't know what to do. I sit somewhere on the asexual spectrum and to me romantic love is something very special. I just don't magically stop loving someone and if I love someone else like that again, I'm being unfaithful to the original love, which has it's meaning diminished as a result...
I'm only 20, so I'm probably very naive and maybe I'll only ever be able to move on when I find that person who makes me feel that way again. Or maybe I will never be in that kind of relationship again.
Clearly I have a lot to work through, but my advice is simple. Look after yourself. Care for yourself and put time aside to heal. Do things you enjoy, cook your favorite foods and put yourself first in every action you take.
Sorry for the long message, just wanted to add my two cents. I wish you all the best OP.
Around 8 months ago, my ex and I split up, we were together for 18 months and were long distance. It has since become very clear that she used me to get dating experience but without being in a "real" relationship. Even if that wasn't her conscious intention. I don't want to delve into all that too much, but the point is, she ended things back then.
The past 8 months have been awful. I have no desire to be in a relationship with her, but I miss her dearly, or maybe the way I felt around her, maybe both. I struggle sleeping, I struggle with motivation and it takes so much energy to mask around other people and just do the little things in life.
Now, I don't know what to do. I sit somewhere on the asexual spectrum and to me romantic love is something very special. I just don't magically stop loving someone and if I love someone else like that again, I'm being unfaithful to the original love, which has it's meaning diminished as a result...
I'm only 20, so I'm probably very naive and maybe I'll only ever be able to move on when I find that person who makes me feel that way again. Or maybe I will never be in that kind of relationship again.
Clearly I have a lot to work through, but my advice is simple. Look after yourself. Care for yourself and put time aside to heal. Do things you enjoy, cook your favorite foods and put yourself first in every action you take.
Sorry for the long message, just wanted to add my two cents. I wish you all the best OP.
I am in a similar situation. He is still on my mind even after we broke up. We were together for 3 years and within the time I started noticing he is changing but you know, he was really kind and treated me really well before that. When I think about him now, I try to tell myself that he's not the same person as the one I felt in love with and the one I knew before is not there anymore. I hope you can find a way to move on. We always need to remember and remind ourselves that the person who we once loved is not there now, but he has changed.
I don't agree with finding someone else to replace the one you keep thinking one immediately. Take time to heal and get over it. When you have finished, then at that time, you will know yourself better and be at a better place mentally.
All the best.
I don't agree with finding someone else to replace the one you keep thinking one immediately. Take time to heal and get over it. When you have finished, then at that time, you will know yourself better and be at a better place mentally.
All the best.
I just want to correct you when you say he 'changed', he never changed he was always that person, you just didn't see the real him initially and unfortunately if he's cheated on you once the behaviour will repeat.
While you say there were good bits and he was kind, ultimately he's lied and completely disrespected you so you need to focus on the negatives and reality of the situation to move on. I broke up with my ex at the end of October 2022 and only now I feel like I'm finally detaching/moving on and in a better place (but I've blocked him from literally everything and removed him from my life). Don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way and move on in a set time.
Ultimately you won't meet someone like him, you'll meet someone better and it might not be the person you next date/meet but it may be someone better. Try not to compare them to him and focus in on what you do/don't want, but also most importantly 'date yourself' first, and get yourself in a place where you are confident in yourself again.
While you say there were good bits and he was kind, ultimately he's lied and completely disrespected you so you need to focus on the negatives and reality of the situation to move on. I broke up with my ex at the end of October 2022 and only now I feel like I'm finally detaching/moving on and in a better place (but I've blocked him from literally everything and removed him from my life). Don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way and move on in a set time.
Ultimately you won't meet someone like him, you'll meet someone better and it might not be the person you next date/meet but it may be someone better. Try not to compare them to him and focus in on what you do/don't want, but also most importantly 'date yourself' first, and get yourself in a place where you are confident in yourself again.
Original post by Anonymous #4
I just want to correct you when you say he 'changed', he never changed he was always that person, you just didn't see the real him initially and unfortunately if he's cheated on you once the behaviour will repeat.
While you say there were good bits and he was kind, ultimately he's lied and completely disrespected you so you need to focus on the negatives and reality of the situation to move on. I broke up with my ex at the end of October 2022 and only now I feel like I'm finally detaching/moving on and in a better place (but I've blocked him from literally everything and removed him from my life). Don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way and move on in a set time.
Ultimately you won't meet someone like him, you'll meet someone better and it might not be the person you next date/meet but it may be someone better. Try not to compare them to him and focus in on what you do/don't want, but also most importantly 'date yourself' first, and get yourself in a place where you are confident in yourself again.
While you say there were good bits and he was kind, ultimately he's lied and completely disrespected you so you need to focus on the negatives and reality of the situation to move on. I broke up with my ex at the end of October 2022 and only now I feel like I'm finally detaching/moving on and in a better place (but I've blocked him from literally everything and removed him from my life). Don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way and move on in a set time.
Ultimately you won't meet someone like him, you'll meet someone better and it might not be the person you next date/meet but it may be someone better. Try not to compare them to him and focus in on what you do/don't want, but also most importantly 'date yourself' first, and get yourself in a place where you are confident in yourself again.
Thank you so much, this perspective has helped a lot! I’m glad to hear you’re now moving on too, these things always take time especially when we cared for them as much as we both did.
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