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Is it rude when people ask where do you come from?

Is it just me, or is it a tad rude and obtrusive?

It annoys me when people ask me, not because I'm ashamed (not at all), but rather they act like I owe it to them to tell them where I come from.

I know often they don't mean it in a mean way, but I would never go round asking people where they come from, never mind asking strangers.

I got asked today at a fast food restaurant by one of the staff. As usual, the conversation went in the usual way;

him: where are you from?
me: UK
him: ah, but where
me: London
him: i mean what country

I felt a tad offended after this to be honest. I feel like a doormat when people think they can just ask anything they want. But at the same time i don't want to turn around and tell them it's none of their business, because they may not mean it in a sinister way, nor do i have anything to hide.

Reply 1

Jam'

15

I don't care haha

I get asked that all the time as I have a rather ethnically ambiguous look lol

Reply 2

Michaelj

10

Hey I got a British accent, I'm white and a taxi driver asked me "What country did you immigrate from?" So **** happens.

Reply 3

Norton1

18

Original post by a443s

Is it just me, or is it a tad rude and obtrusive?

It annoys me when people ask me, not because I'm ashamed (not at all), but rather they act like I owe it to them to tell them where I come from.

I know often they don't mean it in a mean way, but I would never go round asking people where they come from, never mind asking strangers.

I got asked today at a fast food restaurant by one of the staff. As usual, the conversation went in the usual way;

him: where are you from?
me: UK
him: ah, but where
me: London
him: i mean what country

me: England

I felt a tad offended after this to be honest. I feel like a doormat when people think they can just ask anything they want. But at the same time i don't want to turn around and tell them it's none of their business, because they may not mean it in a sinister way, nor do i have anything to hide.

Problem solved.

Reply 4

Huskaris

16

People don''t mean it in a sinister way, racist people would generally see your skin colour and not want to talk to you in the first place.

I find it interesting to know people's.... "ethnic origin?"

It's reasons like this why I understand that some people can be scared about becoming friends with people of other ethnicities... It can be a minefield to avoid offending people...

Reply 5

CherryCherryBoomBoom

21

Yeah, I find that question a little ambiguous, because to me, it could easily mean any of these:

Where do you live?

Where were you born?

Where did you grow up?

Where do your parents come from?

What is your ethnicity?

For some people, the answers to all these questions would be the same, but for other people they'd all be quite different (which they actually are for me haha). There's also the choice of whether to answer with a town name, county name, or just country name, etc.

I don't really mind people asking me things like that as long as they make it a bit clearer exactly what they're asking. They're just making small talk so I don't see anything wrong with it, and if you look or sound non ethnically English then you better get used to it :tongue:

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 6

CasualSoul

16

Original post by a443s

Is it just me, or is it a tad rude and obtrusive?

It annoys me when people ask me, not because I'm ashamed (not at all), but rather they act like I owe it to them to tell them where I come from.

I know often they don't mean it in a mean way, but I would never go round asking people where they come from, never mind asking strangers.

I got asked today at a fast food restaurant by one of the staff. As usual, the conversation went in the usual way;

him: where are you from?
me: UK
him: ah, but where
me: London
him: i mean what country

I felt a tad offended after this to be honest. I feel like a doormat when people think they can just ask anything they want. But at the same time i don't want to turn around and tell them it's none of their business, because they may not mean it in a sinister way, nor do i have anything to hide.

If the person seems genuienly interested (as they may have travelled to the country/ lived there or may have a lot of family from there) then no I wouldn't be offended at all but if they said it in such a way that they made me feel a bit like an outside and as if I would neverbe part of this country e.g. 'where are you from ..why did you come here'..when did you come here? are you planning to go back? etc then I would be quite offended because what does it matter and why is it important to them :s-smilie:

lol

Reply 7

Haz23

11

Not at all. I happily tell people where I'm from and ask about their routes too. I don't find it intrusive, I see it as a great way to get to know someone.

However, I do get irritated when people bad mouth where your from or when you tell someone where your from and they look at you as though you said you come from outer space. Be proud of your routes, people!

Reply 8

aspirinpharmacist

20

Ah, I've recently started uni so the "Where are you from?" question is a quick and easy way of having a chat with someone. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. Which then leads to "Oh, you don't have the accent, why's that?" which leads to me explaining that despite living in Scotland I still have an English accent. If someone then says "Oh, but you're still Scottish", then I just want to hide my head in my hands because everyone up north defines me as English. :rolleyes:

Oh well.

Reply 9

Liz1996

8

Well i found find it rather offensive to be asked that for someone i don't know, although i may not know because my ethnic origin is very similiar to the native british people so... But i dont know, i used to study in a very international school in London, although i later found out that almost everyone there was born in london and not really a foreigner, but it was a thing to go around asking people where they came from. I dont remember anyone getting offended and i never did, even though i had people being racist towards me for being white and also prejudicial for having come from Brazil.
I never took it as rudeness, i feel like people are just curious really
but when you say 'england' you don't have to give any more explanation really so yeah your problem is solved right?

Reply 10

TimmonaPortella

21

Obviously not.

/issue.

Reply 11

username1054063

13

I don't think so.

I'm from Portugal and I have a bit of an accent...I don't think it's noticeable at all, but there are words that I pronounce differently or emphasize.

Reply 12

username927016

20

I often get asked by people I don't know where I come from just because I'm brown even though I have a english accent. I basically just explain to them that I was born & raised in England with my parents being South Asian. Asking about my ethnicity would probably be a wiser move tbh :tongue:

Reply 13

x-Saffire-x

17

No, at least I don't think so anyway. I sometimes counter attack with the question, "Where do you think I'm from" which usually leads the conversation to an amusing route :tongue:

Reply 14

anony.mouse

15

Nobody's asked me if i come froma different country, but they are confused about where in England I'm from. My mum has one strong accent, my dad another, and we live in a completely different place to either, so my accent is a bit of a mixture. It does make me easy to understand, cos if Im talking to someone from the very north, I can put a northern twang on my accent. If I'm talking to someone a bit posh, I can talk a little bit posh to. And so on.

Reply 15

Bellissima

16

oversensative much...

if people have an accent then i ask them where they come from... it's just friendly chit chat and it's also interesting and something to talk about... for example if i met someone who turned out to be spanish then i could talk to them about spain..

Reply 16

facetious

16

Original post by Huskaris

People don''t mean it in a sinister way, racist people would generally see your skin colour and not want to talk to you in the first place.

I find it interesting to know people's.... "ethnic origin?"

It's reasons like this why I understand that some people can be scared about becoming friends with people of other ethnicities... It can be a minefield to avoid offending people...

I agree with this. I don't find it offensive at all when people ask me, in fact I just take it as an interest in talking to me. Like Huskaris said, if they meant it offensively, they wouldn't bother talking to me in the first place.

But I would find it a little weird if it was someone like in your situation... I only get asked in situations like where I'm meeting someone who I may eventually become friends with/know for a long time. Then again I guess its just making conversation... anyway to sum it up, no I don't find it rude.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 17

Lapland

5

No it's not, but it's bloody annoying. I'm mixed race and I speak with an English accent because I was born here and people ask me this question expecting me to come from a foreign country or something. If you want to know my race, just ask, don't ask confusing questions.