Help me with breakup due to intercultural prejudice
Hi,
I've been dating my (ex) girlfriend for six months, she is Indian Hindu raised in Britain and I am a white Christian. I don't see why this should keep us apart. We were in love, or at least I was and she said she loved me too.
However she broke up with me a week ago because she was scared her parents would find out and hate me just for not being Indian/Hindu. She'd hid them from me but decided she couldn't any longer so she dumped me :/
she seemed really torn about it and she said how scared she is of having to get an arranged marriage but she'll do what her parents say anyway. Now I think she's depressed by what she's done because she won't talk to me or anything, except one text after where she said she really missed me
I don't know what to do please help?
I've been dating my (ex) girlfriend for six months, she is Indian Hindu raised in Britain and I am a white Christian. I don't see why this should keep us apart. We were in love, or at least I was and she said she loved me too.
However she broke up with me a week ago because she was scared her parents would find out and hate me just for not being Indian/Hindu. She'd hid them from me but decided she couldn't any longer so she dumped me :/
she seemed really torn about it and she said how scared she is of having to get an arranged marriage but she'll do what her parents say anyway. Now I think she's depressed by what she's done because she won't talk to me or anything, except one text after where she said she really missed me
I don't know what to do please help?
Hey! 
Well, I can appreciate that cultural and religious differences can be hard on relationships.
I think it is important to consider how serious you guys were as a couple.
It sounds silly, but there is naive love that yes, is nice when you're both fairly young, but not going to last forever, lets face it.
Then there is genuine love. If you both genuinely share strong feelings, then I would consider going to considerable lengths to make it work.
There are two families involved really. Hers and yours.
I'm presuming hers are against her having relationships with Christians.
Try talking to your family. Tell them how you feel about her, and what the situation is. They are probably more experience when it comes to these situations. If not, try your close friends- or even her friends.
You need to try and find even the smallest indicator that this could work.
I'm sure her parents have considered that she may fall in love with someone 'not to their choosing', but that doesn't necessarily make it impossible.
It does make it difficult, but if you both want this, what have you got to loose.
You need to talk it over with her. Be as decisive as you can, without being too drastic.
Obviously, you can't go barging in demanding to be with their daughter, 'Praise the Lord!' and all that. Yes, it can be frustrating I imagine, to be forbidden to have a relationship with someone you love.
But, don't let something important go. If you BOTH need each other, talk to one another!
If she refuses to talk to you about your situations, you can't do anything.
Well, I can appreciate that cultural and religious differences can be hard on relationships.
I think it is important to consider how serious you guys were as a couple.
It sounds silly, but there is naive love that yes, is nice when you're both fairly young, but not going to last forever, lets face it.
Then there is genuine love. If you both genuinely share strong feelings, then I would consider going to considerable lengths to make it work.
There are two families involved really. Hers and yours.
I'm presuming hers are against her having relationships with Christians.
Try talking to your family. Tell them how you feel about her, and what the situation is. They are probably more experience when it comes to these situations. If not, try your close friends- or even her friends.
You need to try and find even the smallest indicator that this could work.
I'm sure her parents have considered that she may fall in love with someone 'not to their choosing', but that doesn't necessarily make it impossible.
It does make it difficult, but if you both want this, what have you got to loose.
You need to talk it over with her. Be as decisive as you can, without being too drastic.
Obviously, you can't go barging in demanding to be with their daughter, 'Praise the Lord!' and all that. Yes, it can be frustrating I imagine, to be forbidden to have a relationship with someone you love.
But, don't let something important go. If you BOTH need each other, talk to one another!
If she refuses to talk to you about your situations, you can't do anything.
I'm in a very similar situation OP. I'm from a Hindu family while my boyfriend is White British. I'm terrified of them finding out because of the consequences. They would make me drop out of uni, bring me back home and arrange my marriage as soon as possible. I don't want to break up with him, but I think it's the best thing for both of us. I'm too scared to stand up to my parents and will probably end up having an arranged marriage even though I don't want to. I love him, but I wish I had never got involved because I'm hurting him so much 
My advice is to stay away from her. It won't end well for either of you.
My advice is to stay away from her. It won't end well for either of you.
Thanks for the advice guys 
I still feel she's resigned herself to an arranged marriage she just doesn't see another way. Or rather she sees choosing either culture as a no-win situation. I don't see why she feels she has to choose, but there you go.
Maybe it was naive love...although I'm very happy with her, I feel far too young and inexperienced to know who I want to marry. That's a sad thought but as it was both our first serious relationship, maybe true. I do really care for her though, as a friend if nothing else. I'd hate to see her force herself into a life she doesn't want.
I'm not sure if her family are specifically against Christians, or whether it's simply that I'm a 'filthy white boy' or something stupid. I think she's expected to marry within the caste system as well.
I don't know what she wants...she keeps trying to push me away. And yet she says she's scared of losing me! It's breaking my heart. I sense it's going to have to end at some point. Next year's not the ideal year for me to have to make a big decision regarding her parents, it's my last year of my degree. She thinks she's going to get in the way; I don't think she will. All the same, I'm not sure how long we can put off the demand.
Anon you sound scarily like the attitude of my girlfriend (since we decided to make up, and see what we can do). I wish I could help :/
I still feel she's resigned herself to an arranged marriage she just doesn't see another way. Or rather she sees choosing either culture as a no-win situation. I don't see why she feels she has to choose, but there you go.
Original post by vblondebombshell
Hey!
Well, I can appreciate that cultural and religious differences can be hard on relationships.
I think it is important to consider how serious you guys were as a couple.
It sounds silly, but there is naive love that yes, is nice when you're both fairly young, but not going to last forever, lets face it.
Then there is genuine love. If you both genuinely share strong feelings, then I would consider going to considerable lengths to make it work.
There are two families involved really. Hers and yours.
I'm presuming hers are against her having relationships with Christians.
Try talking to your family. Tell them how you feel about her, and what the situation is. They are probably more experience when it comes to these situations. If not, try your close friends- or even her friends.
You need to try and find even the smallest indicator that this could work.
I'm sure her parents have considered that she may fall in love with someone 'not to their choosing', but that doesn't necessarily make it impossible.
It does make it difficult, but if you both want this, what have you got to loose.
You need to talk it over with her. Be as decisive as you can, without being too drastic.
Obviously, you can't go barging in demanding to be with their daughter, 'Praise the Lord!' and all that. Yes, it can be frustrating I imagine, to be forbidden to have a relationship with someone you love.
But, don't let something important go. If you BOTH need each other, talk to one another!
If she refuses to talk to you about your situations, you can't do anything.
Well, I can appreciate that cultural and religious differences can be hard on relationships.
I think it is important to consider how serious you guys were as a couple.
It sounds silly, but there is naive love that yes, is nice when you're both fairly young, but not going to last forever, lets face it.
Then there is genuine love. If you both genuinely share strong feelings, then I would consider going to considerable lengths to make it work.
There are two families involved really. Hers and yours.
I'm presuming hers are against her having relationships with Christians.
Try talking to your family. Tell them how you feel about her, and what the situation is. They are probably more experience when it comes to these situations. If not, try your close friends- or even her friends.
You need to try and find even the smallest indicator that this could work.
I'm sure her parents have considered that she may fall in love with someone 'not to their choosing', but that doesn't necessarily make it impossible.
It does make it difficult, but if you both want this, what have you got to loose.
You need to talk it over with her. Be as decisive as you can, without being too drastic.
Obviously, you can't go barging in demanding to be with their daughter, 'Praise the Lord!' and all that. Yes, it can be frustrating I imagine, to be forbidden to have a relationship with someone you love.
But, don't let something important go. If you BOTH need each other, talk to one another!
If she refuses to talk to you about your situations, you can't do anything.
Maybe it was naive love...although I'm very happy with her, I feel far too young and inexperienced to know who I want to marry. That's a sad thought but as it was both our first serious relationship, maybe true. I do really care for her though, as a friend if nothing else. I'd hate to see her force herself into a life she doesn't want.
I'm not sure if her family are specifically against Christians, or whether it's simply that I'm a 'filthy white boy' or something stupid. I think she's expected to marry within the caste system as well.
I don't know what she wants...she keeps trying to push me away. And yet she says she's scared of losing me! It's breaking my heart. I sense it's going to have to end at some point. Next year's not the ideal year for me to have to make a big decision regarding her parents, it's my last year of my degree. She thinks she's going to get in the way; I don't think she will. All the same, I'm not sure how long we can put off the demand.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in a very similar situation OP. I'm from a Hindu family while my boyfriend is White British. I'm terrified of them finding out because of the consequences. They would make me drop out of uni, bring me back home and arrange my marriage as soon as possible. I don't want to break up with him, but I think it's the best thing for both of us. I'm too scared to stand up to my parents and will probably end up having an arranged marriage even though I don't want to. I love him, but I wish I had never got involved because I'm hurting him so much
My advice is to stay away from her. It won't end well for either of you.
My advice is to stay away from her. It won't end well for either of you.
Anon you sound scarily like the attitude of my girlfriend (since we decided to make up, and see what we can do). I wish I could help :/
If they have those problems why emigrate here? I mean come on race issues should be a thing of the past now!! I had problems with my old man saying I should marry someone of same background and yet I was in love with a white girl, I just stuck to my guts and he finally came around and he loves her like there is no tomorrow. Listen to your heart as you are the one who lives your life not your mum or dad. I do respect people's cultures but damn at times people should realize skin color is different due to environmental characteristics etc., We all have the same color of blood!!! RED!!
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