Crushing experience to overhear your recent ex talk about seeing other people

Just experienced a breakup a few months ago, we are still on good terms with eachother and had to separate because I couldn’t turn up for the relationship due to mental health issues- he initiated the breakup but I checked out knowing it couldn’t be sustainable even though I still love him very much.

Anyways we reunited to have proper closure and hung out for the last time in however long it’ll be to reunite as healed friends. I hung out at his house and he had online therapy at the time so I waited downstairs till he was done for his privacy. Unfortunately he was speaking loud and could hear pretty much everything he was talking about. Others was a part where he spoke about going clubbing by himself and says he’s doing it to improve socialising and maybe he would meet a cute girl or some buddies. Kinda crushed me when things are still so raw and he’s moving on so swiftly.

I admitted to him I heard it, and he says he’s lonely and he need this (god damn I’m lonely too I don’t even have friends as a support system) I understand him and he needs to do what he needs to to heal- but it still stings that I had to be exposed to that and knowing he’s moving on so soon whereas I couldn’t even think about other people right now. Another thing is he got piercings recently and stated that he was worried he’d attract attention from men but his friend says women are into it too so it’s a silver lining.

I know none of this was to hurt me on purpose he just didn’t think. And he says he’ll always have a place in his heart for me after we chatted. But it still hurts nonetheless.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, break ups are never easy. I honestly think it would be wise if you took some time apart and didn't speak to each other for a bit. Being friends with your ex is never a good idea when you aren't fully healed from the situation. I don't think you should still be spending time together as it will just give you false hope. Believe me, I've been there, holding onto any last bit of hope from the relationship. When in reality, the only way you can start healing is when you go 'no contact' and completely distance yourself.

Reply 2

Surnia

Original post by Anonymous

Just experienced a breakup a few months ago
it couldn’t be sustainable

he spoke about going clubbing by himself and says he’s doing it to improve socialising and maybe he would meet a cute girl or some buddies. Kinda crushed me when things are still so raw and he’s moving on so swiftly.

'So swiftly'? Sorry you broke up, but your ex has been several months out of an unsustainable relationship so, realistically, how long do you think he should have to wait before he starts socialising again with a view to a new girlfriend? It affects everyone differently, so you still struggling doesn't mean he has too.

If you want to stay friends, are you prepared to hear more about his social life, or even his sex life in future? With admitting you've no friends, it sounds like you are clinging on to him, maybe even hoping things might change?

Make sure you get the support for your MH and find other things to occupy you and start building a network of friends. It's not good still having him in your life.

Reply 3

1582

Volunteer Team

I'd suggest not hanging out with each other while you get over him. Distance makes it easier to get over someone. I get along with some of my exes, but I took a long break (year+ in most cases) from talking to them and had moved on to dating other people before reaching out.