Aspie worried about Uni social side

I have aspergers (diagnosed 2012 at age 18) but am also a naturally very shy and introverted person. I am thinking of going to Uni in September, I have visited a university and found a course I really like. However, what scares me about university is the social side. I was told at the university that it is compulsory to take part in social activities and that every course is heavy on team work. These are two things that I have never been any good with and I am torn because I really want to do this course to hopefully end up with a decent job in web design/ IT (that's the subject area) but I am worried that if forced into social situations I will just meltdown and everyone will think I'm a weirdo and it will just be the same as school but I won't have my aide or any friends. I just don't know what to do, is university very heavy on the social side? Also if I'm in accommodation I'm worried I will be forced into parties and drinking which is something I hate (I feel like I'm the only one and I won't be accepted or fit in)

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

Leylo

Is the course available to were you live or try doing the course at a college. My son has Asperger and is doing computer science but doing it at a local college x

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Reply 2

Tiger Rag

22

What you're being told isn't quite true. Not all courses focus heavily on team work. In my year at a brick uni, I worked together with some people in one module over the course of half of a term and that was it.

Taking part in social activities isn't compulsory.

Reply 3

racheyroo

13

I don't have aspergers, but im not the best social situations either. I was the same when starting uni, I knew i liked the course and would enjoy that, but I was dreading leaving all my friends behind and having to 'start again' and get to know new people.
I found that i get along ok with my flatmates and we have formed a group of about 6 of us on my course which is great.
I never joined any societies or anything like that, partly due to lack of confidence and partly due to my course having a large workload, but I don't see how they can make them compulsory? I've not heard of any unis that do before, but if they really do then perhaps put off joining one until you've made a good friend and then join one that they go to?
I've found living in halls to be ok, I dont like clubs, I can't stand them, so my flatmates go out quite a lot, but i tend to stay in, or me and one of the other flatmates will go to our local wetherspoons instead, but i don't think the fact i don't go out with them has changed anything, we still get along etc
hope my waffling helped somehow haha :smile:

Reply 4

CLMcS

5

Hi, I have Aspergers and I'm currently in my first year at Uni. First, don't worry too much about societies and things- You can choose one with little actual socialising involved if you want, or something that you're really interested in so that you'll have something to talk about with the people there. At my uni societies aren't compulsory, but there are so many fascinating and/or fun ones I joined them anyway. I'm in the choir, for example, and there's a horrifically awkward 15 minute break in the middle where I don't know how to talk to anyone, but most of it is just singing so is great. You will find nice people, ones who also have social difficulties and ones who are just understanding. You don't have to drink or go to clubs, despite what you've probably heard- many people don't. Everyone I've met has been really understanding that I don't do things like that.
Also, in my experience, the quieter ones tend to congregate together over the year. It's taken a while, but I have great flatmates and I've made a few friends on my course/ in my societies. It can be hard work sometimes, when you're tired or stressed particularly, but it's worth it for the experience of being at Uni. :smile:

Team work can be scary, but it isn't impossible. You will learn to cope with it, perhaps by acting (which is what I tend to do, I pretend to be someone confident and "normal". I'm pretty good at hiding my AS now. People often don't believe me when I admit I have it). Perhaps your group will be one that needs a leader, and you can end up as that person- which means that the project will be done correctly and as you want it- or there'll be a leader who'll delegate and you can just focus on the job you've been given :smile:

Don't forget that you have skills that are needed in the group- perhaps organisation, or you're good at writing/editing, or you have a really clear grasp of the subject. They'll value you for those things.
As for not fitting in, there are MANY people at uni who don't fit in. Many very intelligent people have some social problems, so you'll find others like you with whom you WILL fit. Be patient, and remember that there's no use trying to fit in with people who aren't nice. Also remember that it's ok to make social mistakes- don't blame yourself for them. Move on and forget.
Unis often also have people you can talk to if you're having personal problems, such as social insecurities or all the other issue that come with Aspergers.
And if things seem overwhelming, don't forget that everyone you know is just a phone call or skype call or text away! You're not as isolated at Uni as you think. They'll be there whenever you need them.

Reply 5

Nathanielle

15

Original post by filiz5

I have aspergers (diagnosed 2012 at age 18) but am also a naturally very shy and introverted person. I am thinking of going to Uni in September, I have visited a university and found a course I really like. However, what scares me about university is the social side. I was told at the university that it is compulsory to take part in social activities and that every course is heavy on team work. These are two things that I have never been any good with and I am torn because I really want to do this course to hopefully end up with a decent job in web design/ IT (that's the subject area) but I am worried that if forced into social situations I will just meltdown and everyone will think I'm a weirdo and it will just be the same as school but I won't have my aide or any friends. I just don't know what to do, is university very heavy on the social side? Also if I'm in accommodation I'm worried I will be forced into parties and drinking which is something I hate (I feel like I'm the only one and I won't be accepted or fit in)

Nobody will force you into any social activities, so it is only a problem, if you are anxious of other people or dislike hearing some music from any parties, you really don't need to participate! It is hard for shy people who want to participate, not for shy people, who don't want, too. And it is very likely, there are likeminded people.

How much team is required totally depends on university and course, but in the end, university also prepares you for work, where you should have developed some coping mechanisms. The more IT the easier it will be. (Sounds like a clichee, but there is some truth in it. :biggrin:

)

Aspie worried about Uni social side

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