Passed first year of medicine but

Original post by Cold Phoenix

But I feel like I'm not good enough. I think it's my insecurities that worry me too.

I've never been a good speaker, I made lots of silly mistakes in my exams, many people in my year are smarter and probably did better than me and I feel they're more competent than I am.

I just feel like I'm on a conveyer belt and I can't stop it. The course only leads to one career.

I was sure medicine was for me but after being on placement, it's not totally what I thought it was. I've never been good at anything but academia so if I drop out of medicine, I'll be screwed.

The deciles haven't been released but I know I'll be in the bottom half of the year. Thinking about it, I don't think im smart or clever, I just work hard which is how I got the grades. I'm scared they'll catch me out soon and my biggest fear is resitting anything - that'll be awful.

Yes I have low self esteem which may be contributing but I just feel medicine is too prestige for me.

You getting the grades shows you are competent enough whether thats by hardwork or intellect. Not everyone who works hard can get A's which i assume you got since you do medicine.

You getting the grades also shows youre competent enough for the course. Dont let your self esteem issues get in the way, you passing your first year should be a platform to do better next year not doubting yourself.

Nothing is too prestigious for you providing you achieve the requirements which in this case you did so try not to belittle yourself

Reply 2

Adeel Ali

3

Why do you have low self-esteem? What's so bad about resitting anything anyway, as long as you finish the course and get your degree, at the end of the day a medicine degree is a medicine degree.

Reply 3

OP

Original post by A level sufferer

You getting the grades shows you are competent enough whether thats by hardwork or intellect. Not everyone who works hard can get A's which i assume you got since you do medicine.
You getting the grades also shows youre competent enough for the course. Dont let your self esteem issues get in the way, you passing your first year should be a platform to do better next year not doubting yourself.
Nothing is too prestigious for you providing you achieve the requirements which in this case you did so try not to belittle yourself

Thank you for your kind words. I think if I'm going to tackle this i have to improve my self esteem and stop comparing myself to others.

Original post by Adeel Ali

Why do you have low self-esteem? What's so bad about resitting anything anyway, as long as you finish the course and get your degree, at the end of the day a medicine degree is a medicine degree.

Low self esteem because I compare myself with other. My friends did better than me, my friends have girlfriends and i dont, I think some questions I got right was a fluke idk
I just hate the feeling of not being near the top of school

Reply 4

tsarian23

3

Original post by Cold Phoenix

But I feel like I'm not good enough. I think it's my insecurities that worry me too.

I've never been a good speaker, I made lots of silly mistakes in my exams, many people in my year are smarter and probably did better than me and I feel they're more competent than I am.

I just feel like I'm on a conveyer belt and I can't stop it. The course only leads to one career.

I was sure medicine was for me but after being on placement, it's not totally what I thought it was. I've never been good at anything but academia so if I drop out of medicine, I'll be screwed.

The deciles haven't been released but I know I'll be in the bottom half of the year. Thinking about it, I don't think im smart or clever, I just work hard which is how I got the grades. I'm scared they'll catch me out soon and my biggest fear is resitting anything - that'll be awful.

Yes I have low self esteem which may be contributing but I just feel medicine is too prestige for me.

Medicine is not too prestige for anyone. Your hard work shows you are worthy of studying for the degree. Don't worry about people being smarter than you, it keeps you grounded and focused which will make you a much better doctor than those who think they are infallible in the real world. If you feel medicine is not for you because you don't like the placement, then that is better insight than just feeling you aren't good enough because of your low self-esteem. Better at academia =/= better doctor. Try to improve your self-esteem by joining a society at University or something (if you haven't already), you sound a little hung up on the academic performance side of things, I think you need some time to de-stress. It will help you massively, I promise. I spent my first semester of dental school feeling the same way, but I now feel a lot more confident after getting more involved with the extra-curricular aspect of uni.

Reply 5

OP

Original post by tsarian23

Medicine is not too prestige for anyone. Your hard work shows you are worthy of studying for the degree. Don't worry about people being smarter than you, it keeps you grounded and focused which will make you a much better doctor than those who think they are infallible in the real world. If you feel medicine is not for you because you don't like the placement, then that is better insight than just feeling you aren't good enough because of your low self-esteem. Better at academia =/= better doctor. Try to improve your self-esteem by joining a society at University or something (if you haven't already), you sound a little hung up on the academic performance side of things, I think you need some time to de-stress. It will help you massively, I promise. I spent my first semester of dental school feeling the same way, but I now feel a lot more confident after getting more involved with the extra-curricular aspect of uni.

Thank you very much. You're right, the time my low self esteem began was when I stopped putting effort in clubs and societies and I was sucked into the medic bubble. I'll try harder to commit to at least one club and one society.

Reply 6

tsarian23

3

Original post by Cold Phoenix

Thank you very much. You're right, the time my low self esteem began was when I stopped putting effort in clubs and societies and I was sucked into the medic bubble. I'll try harder to commit to at least one club and one society.

No problem, I totally agree, involve yourself more - obviously not too much because medicine is a demanding degree - but enough to balance yourself with the degree! Go for it and your self-esteem will improve so, so much. It certainly helped mine anyway. Best of luck.

Reply 7

*pitseleh*

It's common to feel like this - the feeling even has a name (google 'imposter syndrome'). When I did my first degree, a lot of my insecurities took a back seat after I passed first year, and I really hoped the same would be true of Medicine. It wasn't. I passed in the bottom half of the year (just - I was literally one place below the halfway point) while my husband (who is on the same course as me) and our closest friend came second and first in the year respectively. So.. I know plenty about having freakishly smart friends!

Over the years, I have remained firmly in that third quartile. And I'm okay with that now.. I mean, I still get moments of panic about being rubbish at the job, but I think everyone feels like that sometimes. I've come to accept what a lot of people told me early on: that nobody wants to employ incompetent doctors, so if you pass all the exams, it means you're deemed competent and safe to do the job. I've come to hate the med school system where (in our case, anyway) we were told in week 1 that we were in competition with all of our peers and that where we came in relation to them in terms of marks mattered. It encourages people like me and you to spend the entirety of medical school feeling inferior... and it actually makes up a relatively small part of your score when it comes to applying for the foundation programme anyway.

I've also learned to spot (and feel proud of) the areas where I'm more comfortable than most of my peers: I feel extremely comfortable talking to patients and getting a rapport going, while several of my friends find they often struggle to find the right words. I can teach other people well (e.g. through peer teaching), because I've had to simplify and go over concepts for myself so often that I know how to help others do the same - since teaching is a significant part of a doctor's job at any level, this is a really useful skill to have, but lots of my smarter friends will have to work at their teaching skills, because they've not needed to teach themselves things in a simplified way like I have. I have neat handwriting even when I write fast (if you don't appreciate the value of this, wait till you have to write in the notes one ward round, and realise that all of the entries above yours just merge into one giant black squiggle :lol:

). You need to do this: to find the areas where you're naturally good, or that you've worked at and done well in (and don't tell me there aren't any, because there will be), and hold onto them, especially in times of self-doubt. It's had a significant role in pulling me through medical school thus far, and I think it will give you some ammo against your negative thoughts next time they occur.

Last thing... congratulations! :biggrin:

You passed first year - this is something you should be celebrating, not worrying over. Go you! :yep:

Reply 8

OP

Original post by *pitseleh*

It's common to feel like this - the feeling even has a name (google 'imposter syndrome' :wink:

. When I did my first degree, a lot of my insecurities took a back seat after I passed first year, and I really hoped the same would be true of Medicine. It wasn't. I passed in the bottom half of the year (just - I was literally one place below the halfway point) while my husband (who is on the same course as me) and our closest friend came second and first in the year respectively. So.. I know plenty about having freakishly smart friends!
Over the years, I have remained firmly in that third quartile. And I'm okay with that now.. I mean, I still get moments of panic about being rubbish at the job, but I think everyone feels like that sometimes. I've come to accept what a lot of people told me early on: that nobody wants to employ incompetent doctors, so if you pass all the exams, it means you're deemed competent and safe to do the job. I've come to hate the med school system where (in our case, anyway) we were told in week 1 that we were in competition with all of our peers and that where we came in relation to them in terms of marks mattered. It encourages people like me and you to spend the entirety of medical school feeling inferior... and it actually makes up a relatively small part of your score when it comes to applying for the foundation programme anyway.
I've also learned to spot (and feel proud of) the areas where I'm more comfortable than most of my peers: I feel extremely comfortable talking to patients and getting a rapport going, while several of my friends find they often struggle to find the right words. I can teach other people well (e.g. through peer teaching), because I've had to simplify and go over concepts for myself so often that I know how to help others do the same - since teaching is a significant part of a doctor's job at any level, this is a really useful skill to have, but lots of my smarter friends will have to work at their teaching skills, because they've not needed to teach themselves things in a simplified way like I have. I have neat handwriting even when I write fast (if you don't appreciate the value of this, wait till you have to write in the notes one ward round, and realise that all of the entries above yours just merge into one giant black squiggle :lol:

). You need to do this: to find the areas where you're naturally good, or that you've worked at and done well in (and don't tell me there aren't any, because there will be), and hold onto them, especially in times of self-doubt. It's had a significant role in pulling me through medical school thus far, and I think it will give you some ammo against your negative thoughts next time they occur.
Last thing... congratulations! :biggrin:

You passed first year - this is something you should be celebrating, not worrying over. Go you! :yep:

Wow it really exists!! Thanks a lot for your advice, I'll definitely take it into account. I guess I'm good at anatomy and reading patients body language quite well so I'll hold onto that :smile:

That's an awful thing to be told, I know we're in competition but that speech really wasn't necessary and that would have made me feeling not so great!

I also think I work harder than my friends but they did better and gt distinction and I'm happy for them but I guess my exam techniques needs to improve in the SAQ.

Reply 9

Ladymusiclover

I think joining a committee or club would be good to keep your mind off things. If the medical school gave you an offer they clearly think you're good enough to be a doctor. Keep your head up and just focus on yourself. There are so many students who would love to be in your position studying medicine, make the most of it!!!

Reply 10

somethingbeautiful

Don't compare yourself to other people. Just focus on your own achievements and make sure you have other interests outside of your degree so that you're not stuck in a medicine bubble. Also, as for feeling like you're stuck on a conveyor belt - most things can evoke those feelings but at least with Medicine you get a good job at the end of it.

Out of interest, why do med schools tell you what percentile you're in? Is it purely to encourage competition of are there other reasons?

Reply 11

OP

Original post by somethingbeautiful

Don't compare yourself to other people. Just focus on your own achievements and make sure you have other interests outside of your degree so that you're not stuck in a medicine bubble. Also, as for feeling like you're stuck on a conveyor belt - most things can evoke those feelings but at least with Medicine you get a good job at the end of it.
Out of interest, why do med schools tell you what percentile you're in? Is it purely to encourage competition of are there other reasons?

Thanks

I'm not entirely sure why they tell us, I guess to encourage us to work harder but I also know the higher the decile you're in, the more points your for your application to FY1&2

Reply 12

pinkmedic

Original post by Cold Phoenix

But I feel like I'm not good enough. I think it's my insecurities that worry me too.
I've never been a good speaker, I made lots of silly mistakes in my exams, many people in my year are smarter and probably did better than me and I feel they're more competent than I am.
I just feel like I'm on a conveyer belt and I can't stop it. The course only leads to one career.
I was sure medicine was for me but after being on placement, it's not totally what I thought it was. I've never been good at anything but academia so if I drop out of medicine, I'll be screwed.
The deciles haven't been released but I know I'll be in the bottom half of the year. Thinking about it, I don't think im smart or clever, I just work hard which is how I got the grades. I'm scared they'll catch me out soon and my biggest fear is resitting anything - that'll be awful.
Yes I have low self esteem which may be contributing but I just feel medicine is too prestige for me.

There has been some really good advice given already, but what I would say is that you are not the only one who feels this way. I felt like that throughout much of this year too (end of 1st yr med too), and maybe it isn't an entirely negative thing. Far too many people at medical school walk around with a sense of entitlement and arrogance, and I think people like you will help break down the 'prestige' associated with medicine.
That being said, you are studying with competitive individuals, it is hard to accept, but we can't all come at the top. And that isn't something a bad thing either, because medicine is not all about grades. At the end of the day, we all come out with the same degree, and they are not going to award the degree if you are not good enough to be a doctor. You might be better at communicating or presenting or empathising and all these qualities help to make a good doctor.
I know people who this year have done nothing except study, whilst others have gotten involved in societies/sports and managed to have a life outside of medicine. I know which one I try to aim for, and which will help me be a better doctor in the future.
Finally, with medicine, there are SO many paths to take. 9 to 5 job in an office? public health..etc etc there is something for everyone.
Enjoy the long summers, because they only get shorter.

p.s. congrats on passing!!!

Reply 13

junior.doctor

What you describe about feeling like you're not good enough and that someone will catch you out soon, is something that is felt by so many medical students, but it's a very lonely feeling, as people hardly ever talk about it. I think, if you polled the senior students / doctors here, you'd be surprised just how common that feeling is. Each year you make it through +/- resits, you think "this'll be the year they work out I'm an impostor here and somehow no-one ever does. Your fellow students all seem so articulate, so knowledgable, and like they have it all together, whilst you feel lost and a bit of a fraud. This feeling is so painfully common. You ARE good enough, and you CAN do this. You have passed first year. It doesn't matter whether you scrape through, or whether you're top of the class - the pass mark is there for a reason, that means that you have done enough. It can be hard coming from A-levels where you're used to being at the top of your class, to suddenly getting 50-60%.

Each year of medical school, I was always surprised that I managed to make it through. I usually scraped through with grades in the mid 50s (and more than once I got the exact pass mark of 50) - and had several resits to do. I was in the 4th quartile. When I passed Finals, I was so surprised - surely they should have caught me out by now. I think it was only when I had been a doctor for a year or so that I was finally convinced that I was meant to be there. And just to go back to what you were saying about deciles - yes ok, they do contribute to your Foundation application scores - but this system changes so frequently that it will no doubt have changed again by the time you get there - and it is still perfectly possible to get a decent job that's not completely in the back of beyond, and yet be in the 10th decile.

You have passed first year - and therefore you have done really well, whatever your marks - so be proud of yourself, and celebrate your achievement (says me who did NOT pass first year outright and did August resits - not everyone gets distinctions, even though it might feel like it sometimes). As others have said, making sure that you have other things in your life so that medicine doesn't become all-consuming, is important. And it sounds like you're doing a good job at recognising your specific strengths within medicine.

As I said already, I did more than my fair share of resits (first year, second year and fourth year) and finished in the 4th quartile. But I finished. And getting my Finals results and knowing I had done it was the best feeling ever. I've had some great jobs, in geography where I wanted to be, where I've learned lots. I'm fairly rubbish at physiology and I'm not great at teaching, but I'm good at keeping a level head in emergencies and doing good emergency management, and I'm good at communicating with patients and their families. I think I am doing a decent job at this doctoring stuff, and no-one has ever asked me what grades I got in medical school. You'll get there too - and it doesn't matter which half of the year you get there in, either. Best of luck and best foot forward.

Reply 14

*pitseleh*

Original post by Cold Phoenix

Wow it really exists!! Thanks a lot for your advice, I'll definitely take it into account. I guess I'm good at anatomy and reading patients body language quite well so I'll hold onto that :smile:

That's an awful thing to be told, I know we're in competition but that speech really wasn't necessary and that would have made me feeling not so great!

I also think I work harder than my friends but they did better and gt distinction and I'm happy for them but I guess my exam techniques needs to improve in the SAQ.

Exactly - and those are both hugely useful things to excel at. :smile:

And you'll find more areas where you find things easier than some of your peers as the course goes on. There are so many aspects to being a good doctor, and your precise location in the year rankings is only one very small part of that.

I know - the speech wasn't at all helpful, and to be honest I feel like it goes directly against the ethos of teamwork that goes with clinical years and the job thereafter. It's incongruous to teach you for several years that you should want to beat your peers' marks, and then expect you to form a cohesive team at the end of it all.

It's frustrating when you feel you've worked harder than someone only to get a lower mark, but I figure it's not their fault for being able to do well on less work - as long as they're not smug about it of course, in which case they're a knob. :lol:

Exam technique might be some of it; revision technique might also play a role - but also don't forget that a lot of people aren't entirely truthful about how much work they do. It often isn't even conscious - people tend to want to project the best image of themselves possible, and sometimes that involves a little unconscious economy with the truth. :smile:

Original post by somethingbeautiful

Out of interest, why do med schools tell you what percentile you're in? Is it purely to encourage competition of are there other reasons?

When you come to apply for foundation posts, you basically have a score out of 100. I might not have the exact figures right (I don't have to apply for another few months), but it's something like: 50 points comes from the SJT, 43 points for your academic percentile (33 points of which are automatic - as in, everyone who passes med school gets them - while for the remainder 1 point is added for each decile), and then 7 points for extra stuff (distinctions, published papers, previous degrees, intercalations etc). So... yes, it matters, but not to a devastating degree - and besides, you can make up points you drop in terms of your decile with the other academic stuff mentioned, or with a good SJT score. This may change by the time you're applying for foundation jobs, but it's the system as it stands.

Reply 15

somethingbeautiful

Original post by *pitseleh*

When you come to apply for foundation posts, you basically have a score out of 100. I might not have the exact figures right (I don't have to apply for another few months), but it's something like: 50 points comes from the SJT, 43 points for your academic percentile (33 points of which are automatic - as in, everyone who passes med school gets them - while for the remainder 1 point is added for each decile), and then 7 points for extra stuff (distinctions, published papers, previous degrees, intercalations etc). So... yes, it matters, but not to a devastating degree - and besides, you can make up points you drop in terms of your decile with the other academic stuff mentioned, or with a good SJT score. This may change by the time you're applying for foundation jobs, but it's the system as it stands.

I see! Thanks very much :smile:

Reply 16

randdom