Lost at University
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What you are feeling is normal, you've gone through a total change in every aspect of day to day life!
The truth is for some people, it's too much and many of them leave by Christmas. However if you manage to get over the mental hump you'll come out so much stronger and confident as a person! Every bad experience is a good chance to learn
.
My advice:
Don't fight your feelings, surrender yourself to them. Analyse them, why do I feel this way? What is it that I'm scared of?
Maybe it's because you feel trapped and unable to escape the university bubble. Maybe it's because you don't believe you can cope?
All of these thoughts can be worked around. There is a way around anything!
It may be that this time next week you are happy as larry after talking to a second year who was in the same situation. My advice is talk to the students support now before it gets too late they get students with these issues every year and want to help!
The truth is for some people, it's too much and many of them leave by Christmas. However if you manage to get over the mental hump you'll come out so much stronger and confident as a person! Every bad experience is a good chance to learn
. My advice:
Don't fight your feelings, surrender yourself to them. Analyse them, why do I feel this way? What is it that I'm scared of?
Maybe it's because you feel trapped and unable to escape the university bubble. Maybe it's because you don't believe you can cope?
All of these thoughts can be worked around. There is a way around anything!
It may be that this time next week you are happy as larry after talking to a second year who was in the same situation. My advice is talk to the students support now before it gets too late
they get students with these issues every year and want to help!
Original post by laaurennd
Thank you, I forgot about the clubs and societies as we have not had our freshers fair yet.
yeah after freshers and sport and rec fair you'll have society and socials to look forward to (try and find an active social one my climbing club met twice a week one was a club night ahh Kaos and one was to actually climb).
Sports clubs are good they give you something to do you could do something like football or rugby or be way off the wall and do something a bit more unusual like (and yes this is a thing) Quidditch or Octopush
Original post by laaurennd
Yeah I am going to keep at it till christmas seems logical, what helped you?
in the first place leaving in the second place total failure of frying a sausage.
Original post by laaurennd
Thank you, I completely agree with the friendships built though drinking will no doubt last no longer than a year I can even see that happening between people in my halls. Everyone was sociable while they were drinking however when it comes to the next morning no words are exchanged. I do hope that the both of us do get out of this phase, as University isn't cheap and I do want to have a great experience here. I live an hour away by train so it isn't that bad, I just do not want to go home Friday and spend the weekend with my family and then not want to return back to university as i can see that happening.
I mean the people in my block do speak to me at all times, they smile, say good morning and talk - so from that point of view we are in a different situation. Have you met your course mates yet? If so, many of them are also alone! If you take a look around there are too many people walking about with headphones on and peering into their phones when they are surrounded by others - this is simply because they feel isolated, and is their way of dealing with it. They are also in exactly the same boat as us - so you are far from alone!
As far as going home is concerned - I live four hours away, but I would rather spend the days there than at university - I'm aware that I probably won't want to come back, but I live in a hamlet where there is absolutely no future if you don't have a degree, so for me there is really no alternative! - so I will be back at uni on Monday morning!
I think if you went back home you would find that you will come back to university, because you know deep down that you need to give it a shot at least - as a post above says - until Christmas. If it still isn't working then consider alternatives, but we both know that it has to be given a chance.
Original post by Surf
Ah another person who is simply busy bothering somebody else. For some people it seems to be their job.
'What do you do?'
'Oh I just bother other people that's my job.'
Do you wake up and think, 'who am I going to bother today?...... Who am I going to project my judgement to? Who am I going to project my neediness to? I'm going to go on the internet and just find anyone who annoys me.....'
Is it not?
'What do you do?'
'Oh I just bother other people that's my job.'
Do you wake up and think, 'who am I going to bother today?...... Who am I going to project my judgement to? Who am I going to project my neediness to? I'm going to go on the internet and just find anyone who annoys me.....'
Is it not?
I spend my days being a normal, sociable individual who doesn't spout utter nonsense such as 'people who drink together aren't even real friends'.
You're the stereotypical judgemental non-drinker who believes they're better than everyone who does drink. Not drinking doesn't make you special, just as drinking doesn't make you special. However, being able to get on with the vast majority of your peers and not judge them for doing what they enjoy, and not act like their friendships are inferior, is a skill you clearly lack.
Non-drinkers such as yourself might actually make some friends if you stopped with this superiority complex bull****. Most people couldn't care less if someone drinks or not to be honest, but what people do mind about most non-drinkers is their inability to socialise.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by laaurennd
I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.
I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.
I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?
As many people have said here, once you join clubs and societies, you will find that you know people with similar interests!
Also when you start lectures and your workshops, you will meet people on your course and you will eventually mention in the convo 'what halls are you living at' and then you realise that they live in the same halls too as them! Then you can exchange numbers and agree to meet up at a certain point and then walk to lectures together! That's what I did in first year! Good luck!
You'll be fine!Original post by Surf
Ah another person who is simply busy bothering somebody else. For some people it seems to be their job.
'What do you do?'
'Oh I just bother other people that's my job.'
Do you wake up and think, 'who am I going to bother today?...... Who am I going to project my judgement to? Who am I going to project my neediness to? I'm going to go on the internet and just find anyone who annoys me.....'
Is it not?
'What do you do?'
'Oh I just bother other people that's my job.'
Do you wake up and think, 'who am I going to bother today?...... Who am I going to project my judgement to? Who am I going to project my neediness to? I'm going to go on the internet and just find anyone who annoys me.....'
Is it not?
Good grief. The non-drinkers I know are cool and at my uni (or friendship group and societies at least) nobody gives a damn what you do or don't drink. It's the people with attitudes like the one coming through from your message who nobody can stand. Whether they be a teetotalist or a hardcore alcoholic, nobody likes a professional whinger any more than somebody who finds bother in everything.
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Original post by Surf
I mean the people in my block do speak to me at all times, they smile, say good morning and talk - so from that point of view we are in a different situation. Have you met your course mates yet? If so, many of them are also alone! If you take a look around there are too many people walking about with headphones on and peering into their phones when they are surrounded by others - this is simply because they feel isolated, and is their way of dealing with it. They are also in exactly the same boat as us - so you are far from alone!
As far as going home is concerned - I live four hours away, but I would rather spend the days there than at university - I'm aware that I probably won't want to come back, but I live in a hamlet where there is absolutely no future if you don't have a degree, so for me there is really no alternative! - so I will be back at uni on Monday morning!
I think if you went back home you would find that you will come back to university, because you know deep down that you need to give it a shot at least - as a post above says - until Christmas. If it still isn't working then consider alternatives, but we both know that it has to be given a chance.
As far as going home is concerned - I live four hours away, but I would rather spend the days there than at university - I'm aware that I probably won't want to come back, but I live in a hamlet where there is absolutely no future if you don't have a degree, so for me there is really no alternative! - so I will be back at uni on Monday morning!
I think if you went back home you would find that you will come back to university, because you know deep down that you need to give it a shot at least - as a post above says - until Christmas. If it still isn't working then consider alternatives, but we both know that it has to be given a chance.
Yes same here, we all go out together and chat when around each other and yes i noticed there are people with head phones on and faces in their mobiles. I know that I need to give University a chance as I have only been her a few days and a few days isn't a long enough time to determine if i like it or not, thank you for your advice and I wish all the best for you at university!
Original post by James A
As many people have said here, once you join clubs and societies, you will find that you know people with similar interests!
Also when you start lectures and your workshops, you will meet people on your course and you will eventually mention in the convo 'what halls are you living at' and then you realise that they live in the same halls too as them! Then you can exchange numbers and agree to meet up at a certain point and then walk to lectures together! That's what I did in first year! Good luck! You'll be fine!
Also when you start lectures and your workshops, you will meet people on your course and you will eventually mention in the convo 'what halls are you living at' and then you realise that they live in the same halls too as them! Then you can exchange numbers and agree to meet up at a certain point and then walk to lectures together! That's what I did in first year! Good luck!
You'll be fine!Thank you!
Original post by laaurennd
I haven't been at university a week yet and I am just a wreck, I have cried every day and I just want to go home, the people here are lovely don't get me wrong I just feel like I do not fit in. I have spoken to so many people here so it's not like I'm not trying,
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.
I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?
I am as I know if I don't put the effort in with people then I will defiantly make no friends, I just feel so lost here.
I really do not want to feel this way, I just need some reassurance that this feeling or phase will come to end and there will be a bright light and Ill have that amazing university experience that everyone keeps telling me I am going to have?
You're feeling homesick. I remember feeling this way too! Weird as I'm quite a confident person. But I remember on my first day, I didn't even want to go inside the building. Especially as I did not know anyone. I distinctly remember walking past the building like 3 times!
BUT, I'm graduating now and I LOVED my university and my course! The worried feeling at the beginning quickly past, you just have to stay patient and remain positive.
The people at Newman, really helped with the transition from sixth form to university. I felt that staff understood how we're feeling and there were plenty of students on hand to help.
Just stick at it, IT WILL GET EASIER.
Original post by laaurennd
What do you mean?
I will fail. How about that?
I felt like that during the first year. I wanted to pack up and go home, maybe do a third year of A-levels, stay in my comfort zone... I cried when my mum dropped me off at uni and for a while every time I was reading/writing emails to her. It lasted for a few weeks but eventually I got settled in and used to the change. I wouldn't go as far to say that I was happier at uni than I was at 6th form, but that's mainly because of one or two other reasons that aren't connected to uni.
I've just started my second year (no matter how I felt in the first year I didn't give up) and I feel the same things as I did last year, but I'm used to it and it's not as strong as before. Maybe by the third year I'll be like 'yeah, almost there'.
So don't give up - it is a rollercoaster, but since it goes down it should come up, and there are things in uni and back home that can help you get back up.
I've just started my second year (no matter how I felt in the first year I didn't give up) and I feel the same things as I did last year, but I'm used to it and it's not as strong as before. Maybe by the third year I'll be like 'yeah, almost there'.
So don't give up - it is a rollercoaster, but since it goes down it should come up, and there are things in uni and back home that can help you get back up.
At school you get the impression that Uni friendships are a) incredible and b) instant - ie. you meet your new 'best friend forever' within the first hour of being at Uni.
In reality, you often have a bunch of 'Hallo, how are you ...' friends for a few terms and then gradually one or two of these develop into something stronger. It takes time. Keep saying hallo to people, striking up conversations with people you half-know, making a point of going for coffee with other people after classes/lectures/labs just 'for a chat' etc. And smile a lot. That always helps.
In reality, you often have a bunch of 'Hallo, how are you ...' friends for a few terms and then gradually one or two of these develop into something stronger. It takes time. Keep saying hallo to people, striking up conversations with people you half-know, making a point of going for coffee with other people after classes/lectures/labs just 'for a chat' etc. And smile a lot. That always helps.
Are you feeling any happier now?
Original post by sydneybridge
Are you feeling any happier now?
I am, I have been loving uni the past few weeks! Im so glad that I decided not to leave during the first week, as the experience so far has been great. Thank you!
I'm seriously considering leaving university. I moved away from my life in London to live in Scotland, (I've lived in Scotland before). Getting to university was my dream and I worked really hard to get here. However since moving into halls (about a month and a week). For some reason I really struggle to sleep (never had this problem before) and I thought it would just go away eventually- perhaps it was just the shock of moving) but I still can't sleep properly. I've been to see a counsellor, I also have a university mentor, been to see my doctor- they have suggested things but none of them have worked yet. I've tried doing more exercise in the afternoon, attending extra curricular activities to meet people, cutting out caffeine altogether, meditating in bed, taking Nytol tablets, reading at night instead of looking at a computer screen. So far none of these have worked. I feel desperate- I went to bed at 11:30 last night and got to sleep at 06:30. Sometimes I get to sleep at 3.00am. I feel scared because back home I could just go to sleep so quickly and for like 8 hours. I don't understand. The university itself is great, beautiful place, my course is good. My only difficulty is the sleep problem. I guess the nxt step would be tablets- not a great idea as I know you can get addicted. It is a shame to leave but I don't think I can stand another night like last night. I feel so tired and unmotivated. Any suggestions?
Original post by Watermark23
I'm seriously considering leaving university. I moved away from my life in London to live in Scotland, (I've lived in Scotland before). Getting to university was my dream and I worked really hard to get here. However since moving into halls (about a month and a week). For some reason I really struggle to sleep (never had this problem before) and I thought it would just go away eventually- perhaps it was just the shock of moving) but I still can't sleep properly. I've been to see a counsellor, I also have a university mentor, been to see my doctor- they have suggested things but none of them have worked yet. I've tried doing more exercise in the afternoon, attending extra curricular activities to meet people, cutting out caffeine altogether, meditating in bed, taking Nytol tablets, reading at night instead of looking at a computer screen. So far none of these have worked. I feel desperate- I went to bed at 11:30 last night and got to sleep at 06:30. Sometimes I get to sleep at 3.00am. I feel scared because back home I could just go to sleep so quickly and for like 8 hours. I don't understand. The university itself is great, beautiful place, my course is good. My only difficulty is the sleep problem. I guess the nxt step would be tablets- not a great idea as I know you can get addicted. It is a shame to leave but I don't think I can stand another night like last night. I feel so tired and unmotivated. Any suggestions?
Do you think this could be down to homesickness? I'm sorry but I genuinely have no advice to give about young being able to sleep other then to talk to your doctor again or a be referred to a specialist? If you're enjoying university and you know it's something you want to continue with, then whats the point in dropping out after all the effort you put in to get a place? Have you thought about transferring to a different university, perhaps one nearer to your home? Maybe if you closer then you'll sleep better? Have you been home since being at university and if so did you sleep properly?
Original post by sorg61013
I seriously wanna leave uni, the only time I'm 'happy' is when I'm clubbing & I'm drunk. I cry literally every single day. Don't know what's wrong with me 
Are you homesick? Have you spoken to someone in your halls or a someone at your university about how you're feeling?
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