My MSc is harder than my PhD

Years ago I did a PhD in computing with the same University I did my undergraduate at. I went straight from BSc to PhD (no masters). It was an accredited British University but that's about all I can say about it. My first mistake was choosing a uni for my undergrad based on a whole bunch of weird factors that mattered to a 17 year old me while completely ignoring the elephant in the room: the actual academic rigour of a degree matters! The first warning should've been that the entrance requirements were a fraction of what I was expected to get in my A levels (I received above average but certainly not exceptional A levels).

My PhD was followed by years of being miserable in various postdocs. I knew I had none of the skills or scientific knowledge to do the job. I was only employed because in computing, in contrast to every other field, mediocre postdoc positions are ten a penny. Low self esteem led to full on depression and in the end I pretty much had a mental breakdown. I ended up moping around at my parents house in an age group where to say my peers had all started families and bought houses would be an understatement! That would've been true 10 years earlier!!!!! By this time I had developed something of a loathing for computing.

Anyway, at this point I took the only option I could think of - pick something I'm interested in that's not computing - do a masters but this time making 100% sure that I didn't make the same mistake last time and it's in a leading department. And for what to do afterwards cross that bridge when I come to it.

I'm not going to name the subject as my story is rare enough that someone might be able to figure out who I am. It's in a science though, not close to computing and obviously with much worse career prospects.

At first it was going well, I was genuinely interested in the subject for the first time in a decade. I started thinking about what to do next, decided I still liked research and started asking lecturers how to get a research career when one has a PhD in an unrelated field. The advice was generally that if you already have a PhD you've proved you can research and there's plenty of scope for your computer skills to be of use so just network and take any opportunities going.

But then as assignments started to kick in and especially when details started to emerge about final projects one thing hit my like a ton of bricks:

My entire PhD at a nothing department was no more academically rigorous or challenging or independent than the MSc project I'll be doing at this leading department.

I don't have research skills. I don't have computing skills. I learnt nothing and gained nothing in all those years of wasted life. The only way I could get a research job would be with a second PhD. I guess that would be the dream but I'd be ruled out straight away by the funding body simply due to already having one. And even if that wasn't true it would only lead to me being even older with a CV even more of a red flag when I finish. And even if neither of those things were true I doubt I'm smart enough to do a real PhD.

So now I'm about to enter an industry where the job market is competitive (having only ever worked in an industry where jobs are given out like candy) with a CV that might as well just have a big red "failed at life" stamp plastered over it. That's if I even pass this degree.

And I don't even have going back into computing at a bottom rung as a back up. I know it's where all the jobs are but only up to a point.

Guess Amazon warehouse it is till I die.

Edit: Didn't realise I'd posted this in Postgraduate applications. Sorry should probably be in Postgraduate general. I'm new to TSR. And I know this isn't a question so delete if not appropriate, just wanted to get it off my chest.

Years ago I did a PhD in computing with the same University I did my undergraduate at. I went straight from BSc to PhD (no masters). It was an accredited British University but that's about all I can say about it. My first mistake was choosing a uni for my undergrad based on a whole bunch of weird factors that mattered to a 17 year old me while completely ignoring the elephant in the room: the actual academic rigour of a degree matters! The first warning should've been that the entrance requirements were a fraction of what I was expected to get in my A levels (I received above average but certainly not exceptional A levels).

My PhD was followed by years of being miserable in various postdocs. I knew I had none of the skills or scientific knowledge to do the job. I was only employed because in computing, in contrast to every other field, mediocre postdoc positions are ten a penny. Low self esteem led to full on depression and in the end I pretty much had a mental breakdown. I ended up moping around at my parents house in an age group where to say my peers had all started families and bought houses would be an understatement! That would've been true 10 years earlier!!!!! By this time I had developed something of a loathing for computing.

Anyway, at this point I took the only option I could think of - pick something I'm interested in that's not computing - do a masters but this time making 100% sure that I didn't make the same mistake last time and it's in a leading department. And for what to do afterwards cross that bridge when I come to it.

I'm not going to name the subject as my story is rare enough that someone might be able to figure out who I am. It's in a science though, not close to computing and obviously with much worse career prospects.

At first it was going well, I was genuinely interested in the subject for the first time in a decade. I started thinking about what to do next, decided I still liked research and started asking lecturers how to get a research career when one has a PhD in an unrelated field. The advice was generally that if you already have a PhD you've proved you can research and there's plenty of scope for your computer skills to be of use so just network and take any opportunities going.

But then as assignments started to kick in and especially when details started to emerge about final projects one thing hit my like a ton of bricks:

My entire PhD at a nothing department was no more academically rigorous or challenging or independent than the MSc project I'll be doing at this leading department.

I don't have research skills. I don't have computing skills. I learnt nothing and gained nothing in all those years of wasted life. The only way I could get a research job would be with a second PhD. I guess that would be the dream but I'd be ruled out straight away by the funding body simply due to already having one. And even if that wasn't true it would only lead to me being even older with a CV even more of a red flag when I finish. And even if neither of those things were true I doubt I'm smart enough to do a real PhD.

So now I'm about to enter an industry where the job market is competitive (having only ever worked in an industry where jobs are given out like candy) with a CV that might as well just have a big red "failed at life" stamp plastered over it. That's if I even pass this degree.

And I don't even have going back into computing at a bottom rung as a back up. I know it's where all the jobs are but only up to a point.

Guess Amazon warehouse it is till I die.

Edit: Didn't realise I'd posted this in Postgraduate applications. Sorry should probably be in Postgraduate general. I'm new to TSR. And I know this isn't a question so delete if not appropriate, just wanted to get it off my chest.