Aye Rate my lyrics

this ain’t finished i have to fix a couple of lyrics for flow and add a chorus but i got most of it done.

Still wondering how does anyone handle grief
do you bottle it in and let it fester like a chief
do you hide your face with a freaking handkerchief
do you spend a grand on a trip to belize
do you smoke it away by smoking three trees
or do you crack and just run away and flee
i still remember that day with initial shock
gave me new views on the doomsday clock
everyone left me like a vulture in a flock
they didn't care about me only their stocks
i stayed in my apartment in darkness for weeks
i had no motivation to even change my tee
i only got up to eat and brush my teeth
the bare minimum is all i could have gave
beard getting to long, guess i need to shave
life to me is nothing except pain and disdain
i'm supposed to go in public with no shame
feeling like people in charge got no brain
i can rap about killing my bro for pieces
but i can’t rap about my savior jesus
they tell me it’s bad for their sinful business
but on the rapture ill be my own star witness
standing their on judgement day right before the pearly gates
knowing i'm destined to have an ill fate
scared from my sins, and god will say
where do i begin with you, now che
you cursed my name for a fur and fame
do you feel accomplished for being satan's accomplice
your chance in heaven demolished left your family astonished
i saw so much potential in you so i gave you some money
you spent it on a rental, like a freaking dummy
i thought you were different but i’m just left with remnants
of the old you that was still pure and went to church
and now the devil knocked you off of your perch
and now i don’t know you and you don’t know me
and you made your choice, the world instead of me
chose comfortability and your own greed
gave up every single moral or belief
and now here your are on your knees
and you say that your as good as steez?
Lives your entire life to hurt and deceive
you still think that getting in heaven is free
gave humanity a choice, they chose to leave
i thought you were going to save and to lead
broken people who were far in sin back to me
when i saw you take a hit felt someone tackle me
i gave you a wonderful and beautiful gift
you used to create and greaten the rift
once a child with a heart pure with gold
satan turned you to a man who was cold
you defeated and rose against the adversity
but it cosed everything you soul and your purity
it left you a shell, you even forgot your anniversary
drugs are now the only thing to make you feel
they became your god but your scared so you kneel
and your begging to be entered into heavens gates
but sadly you didn't have your oil and it's far to late
i gave you everything, money, fame, and power
but you used on only yourself like a freaking coward
depart me for i used to know the old you
maybe you will learn to not be the worlds fool
those are the words i can’t bear to hear
but right now i’m drowning in my beer
i want death to be close and near
right now i want my mind to be clear
im so drunk i can’t even stand up
proceeded to pour some more into my cup
took a sip but the memories flood back i still remember
that last horrifying december or was it september
when the news made my heart become dismembered
when i heard on christmas day my mama was shot
in a drive by on my own block and now my soul is locked
because i haven’t been able to get over the news
i’m the reason why she was shot and i have proof
the same people that shot her me and them had beef
apparently me and one of their girls porno got leaked
he let the rage build inside and got some ill intention
he got the idea of get my mama killed as pension
instead of talking to me in person he got very vicious
got in his car and wanted to carry out his visions
wanted to leave my soul with permanent imprintments
got his semi automatic that was wasn’t even legal
he wanted to turn our situation into something lethal
shot a woman who had all of her innocence
i drowned the pain into all of these instruments
that day i found out that humans sin is limitless
i just wanted to have fame and some simpleness
from his own spitefulness he turned villainous
murder on his mind and he showed willfulness
shot her in the back 3 times in evil wickedness
i tried my very best to forget and to forgive
and to not retaliate and to let him just live
but then i got sinful and violent questions
i almost indulged in them that’s my confession
started thinking back and now i count my blessings
i almost dropped to his level from my aggression
not learning from the whole freaking lesson
almost gave into my horrible evil obsession
for some sort of justice and some retribution
to see if this story could have some sort of resolution
to save my block from this parasite and pollution
had thoughts of killing him through electrocution
then i started reading the good book, the bible
i then realized that i was in one big toxic cycle
and that spreading love not hate was vital
i need to be more like jesus’s loyal deciples
the devil wanted me to breakdown and stay homicidal
so drunk i couldn’t go to my little girls dance recital
enemies praying for me to switch platforms to tidal
i try to be the bigger man and pray for my enemies
and hope they can heal their heart and find remedies
lived my entire life as a violent notorious criminal
didn’t show my emotion i kept them to a minimal
lived my life on an upper and now everything seems slow
god please forgive me, i don’t want my last supper
to be today because i haven’t even been able to grow
all i wanted to do is to rap with my idols like j cole
devil punted those dreams and trapped me down below
why is it so hard to not act like a freaking prick
even my own family call me the freaking ****
if i ever got sick they would leave me like rick
if i woke up alone i would shoot myself with a blick
i want to live and disappear but i still don’t know the trick
can’t stay awake without drugs, and no i don’t have a tick
i haven’t been the same since my mamas passing
i have been quarantined in my room only fasting
i couldn’t save her but hey i can make a triple entandre
look guys i sold more albums than the great frank sinatra
look at me on the news acting like a newborn toddler
im sorry god but i’m so far away from my father
and the bad thing is i don’t really even bother
i know that your the only thing that matter
but my mind stuck on ways to make my wallet fatter
i remember me being so happy after that summer
that’s when i heard the news on stage and took a plunder
and they treated you death like just another number
when i heard i about your tragic death i was on tour
but in shock my heart tightened and i hit the dang floor
and cancelled the rest of my shows and ran out the door
and sped 30 miles over the limit to the nearest airport
thinking of all the reasons why they should take me to court
came back to atlanta to see her in a hospital bed coughing
i was just happy to see her felt like christmas and stockings
but shortly after that day she ended up in a coffin
it hurts and stings me to be thinking or talking
waiting for the grim reapers cold hands to be knocking
the greatest rapper alive is feeling very contrived
from a game thats greats have died and nose dived
all of my “boys” that’s supposed to be their despise
me and they constantly hope and pray i just fall and die
makes me want to give up this freaking world and cry
but karma has came back for a price and i deserve
this horrible unfair terrible evil wicked curse
i miss when i made my music to inspire and for some fun
now everyone is listening, can’t even use my tongue
body so broken from abuse i can’t even feel my lungs
i breathe and my black lungs feels like they were just stung
judgment day will come and i know my soul will plunge
into my own damnation from this wicked damn nation
using tragedy for views everyone biased even the news
we’re the only ones that lose because we’re constantly subdued
with the very next irrelevant petty internet fued
to see behind the curtain and to find out that we are hurting
and they are burning our own taxed money on a vacation
because we don’t care from a constant source of sedation
if i get a chrome to my dome it will feel me with elation
life doesn’t feel normal anymore from my hesitation
i take drugs to feel something and to feel levitation
but at the end of the night at midnight i need respiration
if i get shot at this point in the song i don’t even care
i just hope and pray that i’ll make it to heaven stairs
but at this point in life i can’t even eat or go to sleep
in this constant never ending repeating state of grief



every time this beat passes i feel like an entire lifetime
has passed away and i’ve just wasted another lifeline
only get value from my things that i get to say are mine
looking for answers so i’ve been staring at the ceiling
lost weight from not eating, i’ve been completely anemic
not a care in the world even the apartment billings
in this song my soul has just begun the real peeling
and i’m weak and stuck, i’m always in my feelings
the news made us the villains they are pulling our strings
making me feel useless, like the google knock off bing
can’t even go to sleep, wake up in a sweat from a nightmare
then realize that i’m the threat and i walk back up the stairs
back to my hole the place i’ve made home a millionaires lair
my whole life got stolen but i don’t even give a flying ****
my only worry right now is dining with that slutty *****
my only care now is my family leaving me from my constant fits
life doesn’t feel colorful it looks and feels counterfeit
my mama warned me that life ain’t easy as the alphabet
i’ve been praying to god everyday for a grand reset
because i’ve been getting violent and i need to forfeit
i’m just trying to make it to tomorrow the very next day
struggling to listen to lying fakes that want to see my head on a stake
i can see past their lies their almost as fake as plastic
my girl thought my heart was stretchy and elastic
caught her in the act with a random and started acting erratic
her eyes were in fear like i was the kraken or a crack head
but the truth is she just caused my soul to blacken
i cant even walk out the door it’s just to much of a chore
even walking to the store makes me want end it with galore
maybe i’ll end up on those websites that have gore
hoping that it gets better and this is the tip of the iceburg
soul blackened and burned and their is no grace or fern
this is a punishment from god who is extremely stern


during the funeral i brought you a memorial basket
when i saw you face up in that black material casket
i was struggling with my feelings i couldn’t even mask it
i was the soul reason you were dead and alone here
i should have spent more time with you not the cup of beer
and now that my mind is clear
i can properly cry a million tears
i should have went to you in the hospital
but i’m continuing to tell myself that wasn’t possible
but it was even if it wasn’t profitable
i cared about ticket sales more than seeing you tell
all of your great stories of back in the day
i would have rather been their but i was scared
of losing this fake ass name called che and all of the fame
i treated our relationship like a game
i guess i’ll always be stuck in my ways
counting down the days where the rain
finally stop and the doomsday clock
rings for my name
my life has truely been a stain
more jealous than cain
when i die their going to say i died in vain
after cutting one of my veins
and they would be right
who would want to hear my plight
i was always higher than a kite
and i refused to go to rehab
i would rather be stabbed in the abs then to admit that i had a itch
i was rich and got my dong licked
feel like some people see me as a prostitute
who writes song with a short fuse
so why are you telling me what to do
i was always going to lose
and screw you i got no social cues
i already paid my dues
and i know this so i turned to my muse
which was the bottom of the bottle of booze
this life is fake and its all just a rooze
and i’m stuck here like a bunch of roots
my mamas store got its looted
why does this world got be so putrid
i used to have a soul but i losed it
i know it’s hard for you to be sympathetic
but trust me i don’t you to be empathetic
i want you to see me as completely pathetic
than o can finally die rested
should i see if this gun that i stolen is loaded
am i truely bold or am i going to fold
then i got fears to test it
the drugs were going to my mental
it must have been the phetnayl
my brain started feeling sentimental
then i stared outside through a window
and i realized that i’m still a chico
and life is worth living even tho i’m schizo
and that it’s better to stay clean in reality than to be blissful
it’s better to live in reality than one that is hollow
and then i took out the ammo
i then dropped the gun
kinda stunned
thought i was going to die here
face down in beer
like a clown in the mud
but maybe life does got a point
and it’s not just to disappoint
so drunk i could barely stand
tried to call the band
but it went to voice mail
too many time i failed
maybe my ship has sailed
but i was going to get help
come back like phelps
but then i heard gods call
took a fall
into a puddle of alcohol
i was about to overdose
and then i saw my casket close
i know my fall is going to be steep
close my eyes i see her can’t sleep
im going to see it as a treat
couldn’t even save my own street and
dug this hole and it’s getting deep
paparazzi all around me, feel like a freak
while they are getting paid to be creeps
one of them came to my daughters party
he tired to tell me that he knew carti
some days i fell low and other i’m bob marley
some days i feel like a drone
can’t even pick up the phone
can’t function i’m so stoned
and i wonder why i’m alone
everywhere i go i hear groans
drugs on me is my cologne
why didn’t i go to the hospital
grew my fame and belittled
the people i was close to
i lost everyone in my crew
still only worry about new shoes
people leave when i lose fueds
life turning me into a cuckoo
all i want is to show some love
and to find gods dove
to feel accepted in life
and not listen to devils entices
and to not listen to my vices
life has tuned into a tragic
biopic, they are still faccists
made this song stuck in traffic
the label took it all and their still taxing
i hope my life will stop collapsing
rappers in the game as old as faxing
at this point i’m just lapping
i got some confidence back
maybe to sell some records
and get me a stack
i’ll fall on my own sword
before i give up on my dream
nothing is as it seems
your best friend will put a knife
right in your left side
you indulged in pride
and now you lost your life
sitting on the dirty street
people stealing the shoes off your feet
getting stomped on by cleets
and fleets of people
and you situation seems fetal
and if you can’t get out it’s lethal
my heart must be metal
hoping for an angel to wrestle
i went to that show
life became my foe
thousands of rows
felt completely alone
someone throw a bone
i know i’m egotistical
label sees me as statistical
family doesn’t see me as human
to them i’m inhuman and mythical
i can’t relate to them like cuban
drugs keep me humid
love keeps me moving
heartbreak caused by cupid
i was the one that was stupid
the world is now grey
cashing in checks
from my pay day
asking if i should confess
to all of the things i’ve been thinking
that my soul feels like it’s sinking
that it hurts to even be blinking
and now i consider drinking
if it drowns out the sorrow
i’m just trying to make tomorrow
a reality and not cause my fatality
but i just have a let days pass mentality
i just want things to have some tranquility
but i can’t even show some humility
so how can people be sympathetic
towards man that isn’t empathetic
and is to self absorbed
about himself on forbes
i could have fixed atlanta
dress up like santa
for the kids but god forbid
that didn’t fit inside my schedule
and now i realize that i let you
down so please take my crown
i don’t want to write another noun
the critics are going to pick
apart the statistic and throw fits
about the sounds and the sale digits
i’m trying to get better
but that broke looks better
got vomit on my sweater
letting my pain fester
im to strong for therapy
not ready for transparency
as crooked as the pharisees
i’m reading this song bittersweet
why can’t i give like mister beast
why can’t i go drown in a creek
family won’t miss me that much
i haven’t been able to keep in touch
when the checks stop coming they made a fuss
the benz and rest got towed by the truck
but i’m the bad guy for trying to help
y’all used my money on a louis belt
i can’t stop complaining about the cards
that i have been dealt, looking at the stars
for an answer but their a question dancer
i went to the funeral the other day
almost filled this entire page
end up like kurt cobain
from the hurt and pain
i saw her pretty in the death bed
hurt and distraught the rest said
“she is in a better place che”
i looked at them in shock and dismay
that better place should be with me
we should be talking about life at dennys
we should be searching the couch for pennys
like we did back when times we simple
now my entire life is screwed and sinful
and what you said is damage to my mental
your telling me you don’t miss her
can’t speak your in a tongue twister
my life has blown up like atomic
i wake up and i go vomit
when i can’t stomach reality
i got spend a hundred recklessly
and i’m tired of life testing me
what did i do to deserve
this horrible intolerable curse
i drove by a cliff i want to plunge
to the bottom better than life’s iron lung
my friends all have silver tongues
i need to gather all my pride and lose it
because it’s making my mind putrid
but it’s not that easy when the thought makes you queasy
and how am i supposed to conquer my grief
when everything i want already has a seat