Hi, I happen to have a crush on my coworker and apparently I am not subtle when I like someone, this is a long post but I would really appreciate the advice, and I don’t have anyone to get advice from.
This girl is touchy but she is touchy with everyone but she is less touchy with me, we have flirted or maybe it is in my head lol, I think she caught me few times looking at her for a prolonged time. She is just so gorgeous, not just that, she has an amazing personality, very friendly and funny.
She joked around say I am wifey material, when I offered to wash her cup, and then she was watching a few TikToks and she seems to be on gay tik tok.
Tbh I don’t know if what flirting is, we kinda tease each other? I really can’t tell difference betwwwn flirting and friendliness. She told me some personal things about her dad, I thought I got a vibe from her that she is a lesbian, even though she dresses femme. She complimented my socks one day and I was wearing long trousers so she really had to be looking to see them??
Anyway fast forward to today, we had a customer who asked who is this watch for men or women? And i said anyone can wear it but this customer was very adamant and was like no not everyone can wear. I stayed quiet, didn’t want argue with him.
After he left, she was like oh that customer was really adamant wasn’t he about the fact that the watch can’t be worn by everyone…. I don’t remember how but the conversation took a turn and was about lgbt community and she was like are you part of it? I was ******* shocked, this was the last thing I expected for her to ask me, I didn’t know if I wanted to tell her, I have never come out at work before, I said why? No I am not part of it, she didn’t answer I think.
Then immediately she was like are you open to it? And my dumbass went yeah ofcourse I am open to it. I thought the question meant if i am accepting of the community but looking back I think it is the same question as asking if i am a part of the community.Anyway she was like that must be complicated (I felt so seen when she said that )and that’s when I realised I outed myself.
She doesn’t seem to be homophobic, she actually has a good gadar and often says like that customer is gay. She definitely knows I like girls or else she wouldn’t have asked me
I asked her if she was a part of it, she said no , does it look I am?? Is there any chance she lied?
I just don’t know if I should say I am bi or not? Lying about my sexuality felt horrible. I was so taken back by her asking me, straightforward like that? Never had anyone did that.
I felt sad that she said she wasn’t a party of the community , I was delusional thinking she might be, she is religious.
I think people at work know I am bi, since I dress pretty masculine. Idk people have always known I am bi, my school friends knew before I did.
Also why tf can’t I be subtle when I have a crush on someone. Maybe it is because I wear my emotions on my face.
Now if I tell the truth, she knows 100% I like her and then my coworkers might know too. I don’t want to be awkward, I can also pretend that this situation actually never happened and not bring it up.
Also my manager also causally mentioned boyfriend or a girlfriend while we talking about something. I do I have a “I am gay sticker on my forehead?”
I don’t know what to do, I cried after coming home from work today, basically I said to myself I should ignore the part that I am attracted to girls too, life would be easier? Idk who I should date, I am more attracted to women, it’s complicated. Idk how to live my life.