What do I do when my best friend ended our friendship I feel there's a hole in my lif

To give context, I'd been best friends with this girl for nearly 3 years. We met at college and it was one of those situations where there's just an instant 'click' and she got me in a way that no one else has. We could have deep chats and agreed on so much in terms of views and were attached like glue. She was really my safety person.

For the last year, my mental health has been the worst it's ever been. Frequent panic attacks, low depressive moods at times and occasional 'death' thoughts. It's made it really hard to do things.

Me and my best friend had the idea to go travelling together, the idea sounded great but it was such a stressful period of our lives trying to organise everything and we'd get annoyed at eachother because of it. We finally went though and the stress of it all meant my anxiety was terrible during this trip, while my bff had usually been supportive, on our trip she was a selfish grumpy and nasty person because i was too anxious to go clubbing for example which was all she cared about (which we did end up doing a few times later anyway) and got mad at me for being completely exhausted even though we'd been out all day everyday and with anxiety it affects your energy levels. I planned pretty much everything we did in each city as she had no knowledge or research whatsoever of where we went. She spent the whole time being sarcastic and unappreciative of amazing things we saw and did and I was angry at her for it. Being with a person that long we did make snarky comments at eachother and have disagreements quite often. But don't get me wrong, there were equally moments where we had fun and laughed about things.

After we came home, I kinda forgave her as I understood the situation we were in, it was just a lot basically and we had really taken things out on each other but I felt the fact we'd been so close for all the time before means we'd be able to get back to normal after some space.

We'd met a couple times since we got back and it was like nothing changed, but she began to avoid making plans and asking for her clothes back which were at mine without wanting to meet to chat. I knew something was going on here.

I got a text from her saying that I’d been a toxic friend, calling me this and that and she would no longer be friends with me anymore. My negativity had brought her down and she didn’t know what to expect when hanging out with her, even though I had depression. It came to a shock because no ones ever done that to me and I’ve never done that to anyone else. She’s definitely the type to get advice from online sources so I imagined she read “If a friend is toxic, get them out your life”. As expected, I responded with anger, she said I needed to reflect on my actions for future friendships and I thought just how patronising is that, I said how she’s treated me during my mental health struggles and many other things she’s done to upset me. She didn’t aknowlege anything on her part at all, while I was able to accept certain things I’d said or done to upset her before. It was a back and forth until she unadded me on all social media.

She never discussed any issues she had with me but just decided that she’d end the friendship over a period of difficulty which would’ve passed with time. I found out she had instead gone behind my back to my ex close friends to validate her feelings or see if they had similar experiences and then posted a photo with them for me to see. I said to her out of all people I’m currently friends with you go to the people who you know would give you the answers you want. I’s never do that to her.

Despite all this, I still miss her and our friendship added so much value to my life. I don’t know what to do. Do I give her space and message her in a couple months to reconcile as we will be going to Univeristy? Or never speak again. I’m hoping maybe she regrets how she acted when the dust settles. It’s hard as I put all my energy into this friendship and at Uni I won’t have any home friends who I consider close which is embarrasing and sad considering I’ve lived here all my life. My life feels wrong without her not existing. This situation has set off my anxiety so badly again.

(edited 9 months ago)

Reply 1

NazifaNawer

I'm so sorry you are going through so much. I also lost my best friend last month.
I think you should go and try to reconcile with her after a while. Even though she wasn't good to you, maybe she will admit that she made a mistake treating you like that. My best friend was in depression last year and, as much as I was supporting her, her depression took a toll on me which led to some fights between us but fortunately the fights stopped after a while. So what I'm saying is maybe your best friend ran out of patience or thought that you stopped giving her attention. That's why try to talk to her again after a month or two. Give her a second chance