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Struggling at University

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Reply 1

WolvesRep2

Official Rep

Hi,

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, and I understand how difficult it is to make friends at university. It's really good that you participate in societies, what societies are you in? This is a great way to make friends that have the same interests as you, so keep going to these and putting yourself out there and talking to as many people as possible.

Another great way to meet new people and make friends is on your course as you already know that you have a shared interest if you are both studying the same thing. I know it can be difficult but try and put yourself out there as much as possible with talking to new people and if you feel comfortable asking them to go do something outside your lectures like go for a coffee or grab some lunch.

Hope this helps!
University of Wolverhampton Rep :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by WolvesRep2

Thanks for your response,

I talk to some people but it’s never enough to become good friends it’s just so difficult because idk how everyone else is managing it

Reply 3

University of East Anglia UG Student Rep: Danielle

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Just wanted to reply to this and reassure you that this isn't as uncommon as you may think - there's a big expectation when you go to uni that you'll meet friends for life immediately, but the actuality can be quite different! It took me a little while to make friends. Give it a little time, say hi to people in lectures/seminars etc and you might be surprised at what friendships form. It's still early days!

Danielle :smile:

Film and Television Studies

Reply 4

University of Bradford

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Hey! What course are you studying? :smile:

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling to make good friends, but like others have said below it's totally normal. I know I didn't meet my friends for life at uni like you hear a lot of people say, so please try not to put that pressure on yourself. Friends come into our lives at all different stages, it might happen later in the year, next year, you might meet your best friends after university once you're in the work place, and that's absolutely fine, it's different for everyone. You've tried making the effort and participated in societies which is great! I'd also recommend getting involved in any volunteering opportunities at your uni or maybe becoming a student ambassador as they are great ways to meet new people as well.

Are there any fun events coming up at the uni? Keep an eye on SU trips and events and hopefully you'll find some great people to bond with and get close to.

Good luck, I hope you're enjoying your course and other aspects of university life, and I'm sure you'll make some great friends soon :smile:

Becky

Reply 5

University of Kent

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Hi there,

I hope you are keeping well. :smile:

Let me just preface this by saying that you're definitely not the only one who feels this way, despite how it may appear. Let me also say something else, comparison is the thief of joy. I'd argue, maybe even it's arch-nemesis, so in my humble opinion, it's not worth comparing something as subjective as "social skills" with others. Truthfully, everyone is going at their own pace, including you, and so the best thing one can do is to just (as hard as it may seem - and believe me, I know fully well that it's difficult) not stress, be patient, but also be mindful. :smile:

You mentioned you're participating in societies - that's great! Keep going to them as long as you enjoy them - and continue to look out for opportunities where you'd be able to socialise - if there aren't any, don't worry, just enjoy your time there.
Something which I found helped me out when trying to socialise was just communicate with some of the people in your seminars, not by starting complex philosophical questions, but just asking for simple assistance "Hey, do you understand what X is here?", "Do you know what the lecturer meant when they said Y?", hell even compliment someone if you want - "Hey I like your bag, where did you get it from?". These are just normal ways that friendships started in Alevel or secondary school in general, and it's not any different at Uni either!
You could also try taking more of a direct role in the University itself, maybe by becoming a student representative - whereby you get paid to essentially listen to other students in your year and communicate these thoughts to professors and the board. It's really a win-win scenario, plus it's quite a fulfilling role and job to have whilst you study, which is flexible and accommodating to your studies! :biggrin:

If need be, it might be worth reaching out to a variety of services that are available to you at university and at home to get a variety of advice. Wellbeing services and student support could help with addressing some of the feelings you are experiencing, or with just more geenral advice - like when some events may be occuring.
There will hopefully also be many other events hosted by the University (which you'll usually be able to find on student union socials), meaning that you'll hopefully be able to meet new people from other years and other subjects there as well. It's always such a great experience meeting other people who share your interests, or match your personality, but who have chosen a different route to follow.

Anyways, I'll stop yapping now. I hope this helps, even if just a little. :smile:

I'll repeat what I said at the very beginnig though - don't worry. I completely understand how you feel, but you're most definitely not the only one, and this is most definitely not a situation which you'll be stuck in forever.

Warm regards,

David :smile:

University of Kent Representative

Reply 6

sammyboykk

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Yo what uni do u go?? Kinda in the same position as u ?? Always open in connecting.

Reply 7

Chester Student

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling to make good friends. It can be tough to put yourself out there and meet new people, especially with all of the changes happening with starting university on top of that. It is really good that you have participated in societies - I would encourage you to keep this up if you genuinely enjoy the society! It's not only a great place to meet like-minded people, but it also gives you a break from your academics. What society are you a part of?

It may seem like everyone is doing so well socially, but many, many students are feeling the same way you are. University can be tough, and being in a new environment can be daunting. Making friends sometimes isn't easy, and it takes time to make real connections and find 'your people', so don't be discouraged.

I'd recommend you continue being part of a sport or society. You could also have a look at part-time work or volunteering opportunities which will help you to meet new people. Talking to people on your course or in your accommodation is always a good place to start, no matter how daunting it may seem. Just keep trying, and I'm sure you'll be fine! 🙂

Best of luck,
Isabella

Reply 8

LSBU

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Hi,

I want to start by saying that what you are going through is completely normal and happens to so many new university students.

Well done for joining a society! That's a huge first step and I'd encourage you to continue going to the society as the longer you attend the more chance you have of getting to know people and it's also a great way of doing something you enjoy.

I'd also say that simple steps such as talking to the person you're sitting next to in a lecture or speaking to those in your group if you have group work will help with making friends too. If you speak to them, you can ask them what their plans are for lunch and ask if you could join them too. It's little steps like this that will make socialising a lot easier.

It can be incredibly daunting to speak to someone new in your course but from personal experience, it makes your university experience so much more social and gives you the opportunity to make friends who will understand your course and your academics which will mean you will be able to support each other.

I hope this is of some assistance,

Mary
London South Bank University Student Rep (3rd-year Children's Nursing)

Reply 9

University of Huddersfield

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Hi, I’m sorry you’re struggling to make friends. Keep going to societies like you’re doing, it can be really healthy to have things to get you out of the house that you enjoy doing. And who knows, you might build friendship through familiarity. The same can be said for lecture mates. If you say hello to people, ask them how they are etc. they’ll eventually become familiar to you and you can go for lunch together and it just builds from there. Most friendships aren’t spontaneous and can take some time. Try not to think there’s anything wrong with you for not being able to make friends at uni. It’s normal and it happens to more people than you think and is not reflective of your personality. Keep talking to people and being yourself and I’m sure you’ll be okay 🙂

I hope this helps

Estelle
Third Year Psychology
University of Huddersfield

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Thanks everyone for your replies, I guess the only thing to do really is to keep trying :frown:

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

Thanks everyone for your replies, I guess the only thing to do really is to keep trying :frown:

I'm a first year and I'm experiencing the same thing. You aren't alone, it's tough but we'll get through :smile:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous #2

I'm a first year and I'm experiencing the same thing. You aren't alone, it's tough but we'll get through :smile:

Aw, thankyou for your reassurance, it’s just hard to be patient!

Reply 13

UCLan Student

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous #1

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Hi there!

Starting university can be a really daunting time and it can be difficult to make new friends!

Has your university got a facebook group for your course? I found that this was a really good way to meet up with people during the first few weeks!

Like most other people have said, just trying to smile at people in your lectures or suggesting going for a coffee can be a great way to start to build up these friendships! Good friendships take time so try not to worry too much!

I hope this helps,
Rebecca, UCLan

Reply 14

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous #1

Hi,
I started university this year but I am struggling to make good friends

I’m not sure why, it seems everyone else is doing so well socially. And yes I’ve participated in societies

Hi anonymous,

I'm sorry you've been feeling this way. I also felt like this in my first year but keep trying as it can get better. I found a lot of my good friends after Christmas in first year so don't give up.

It can sometimes feel like everybody else is doing really well making friends but you would be surprised at the amount of people that are struggling with this and you just can't see it. Don't let social media worry you as a lot of people don't always stay close with the first people they meet and it can take a while to form genuine connections and find friends that you will keep.

I know you said you have participated in societies, so maybe try looking at your student union as they often have 'give it a go' days. At SHU we have lots of these and your university might do too. This is a good way to meet people and do something fun at the same time! Or, after Christmas a lot of universities put on 'refreshers' fairs which is like freshers fair. If you go to these, you may find new societies you didn't see before and you could always go to trial sessions for these and see if they are for you and you may find friends this way.

Or, see if your accommodation puts on any events which you can attend as this may help you to find friends in your building. And attending lectures and seminars is always a good way to try and meet people; try and sit with someone new and start a conversation with them, you might get along really well.

Hope this helps,
Lucy- SHU student ambassador