The Student Room Group

Feeling inferior?

Does anyone have any good tips to stop feeling inferior? I’ve always struggled with being anxious socially, and for example - i want to be friends with some other girls at a uni society i go to but they have so many followers on socials, always been popular, probably been to loads of parties etc whilst i’ve spent my teen years having just a few close friends. It seems like these girls would welcome me as a friend but i know id feel too inferior if i spoke to them and want to get past this block. It feels like they’re as valuable as a literal famous person and I’m so fed up of making myself feel below is there anyway to finally fix this?
Reply 1
Why do you want to be friends with them and why are you making so many assumptions about them?
Original post by Surnia
Why do you want to be friends with them and why are you making so many assumptions about them?

They seem like really cool people, and I’ve found it hard to make any friends here since it’s such a small and cliqued-off uni far from home, and on top of that I’ve chosen the wrong subject,
I just feel like you need to be on a level with people to be friends with them; if you’re inferior it wont work - but maybe I’m wrong?
Original post by unsweetenedblue
Does anyone have any good tips to stop feeling inferior? I’ve always struggled with being anxious socially, and for example - i want to be friends with some other girls at a uni society i go to but they have so many followers on socials, always been popular, probably been to loads of parties etc whilst i’ve spent my teen years having just a few close friends. It seems like these girls would welcome me as a friend but i know id feel too inferior if i spoke to them and want to get past this block. It feels like they’re as valuable as a literal famous person and I’m so fed up of making myself feel below is there anyway to finally fix this?

"...they have so many followers on socials, always been popular, probably been to loads of parties etc whilst i’ve spent my teen years having just a few close friends."
Hmm from what you said here, what I'm getting is that you feel that having a few close friends is somehow something that's not praiseworthy or acceptable. I'm not sure why you feel that way, but that's something you could reflect on later, perhaps.
However, it is in fact such an amazing thing that you've got people, even if it isn't that many, who you can call true friends. And honestly as someone with severe trust issues, I'm envious and very happy for you that you have people you can rely on and trust.
Let me just say that quality matters over quantity. The kind of popularity you seem to yern for can be a very dangerous double edged sword. While on the surface you might be able to feel good about yourself from the attention and euphoria of feeling wanted and loved by so many, you'd also become dependent on their approval and live to please them so that they won't suddenly lose interest in you or hate you.
The reality is that we can't be liked and loved by everyone. Rather than being yourself and being accepted for who you are, to keep the popularity you gained, you'd have to change yourself, your values and your principles even just to keep their interest in you. You will eventually either grow weiry and tired of it all or lose yourself in the process.
There are a few questions you could ask yourself because in my opinion, it doesn't seem like you want to be friends with them because you think they're good people who would love you for who you are and you'd enjoy being in their company. Because if you did, you wouldn't feel the need to second guess yourself and compare yourself to them in a way that harms your sense of self-worth. It seems to me like you're only interested in them because you crave some kind of validation from the popularity being friends with them might bring.
'Why do I feel that need for that kind of validation?' would be a good place to start.
Ask yourself if you're not happy right now. Is there any needs that aren't being met. Do you feel isolated or lonely? Is there anything else that's bothering you?
Self-reflection can help you understand yourself better so that you can fulfil your needs without harming your integrity and worth. Is what I think >o< Take this with a grain of salt. I just thought of leaving my thoughts. Have a great day~
(edited 5 months ago)
Original post by username6579307
"...they have so many followers on socials, always been popular, probably been to loads of parties etc whilst i’ve spent my teen years having just a few close friends."
Hmm from what you said here, what I'm getting is that you feel that having a few close friends is somehow something that's not praiseworthy or acceptable. I'm not sure why you feel that way, but that's something you could reflect on later, perhaps.
However, it is in fact such an amazing thing that you've got people, even if it isn't that many, who you can call true friends. And honestly as someone with severe trust issues, I'm envious and very happy for you that you have people you can rely on and trust.
Let me just say that quality matters over quantity. The kind of popularity you seem to yern for can be a very dangerous double edged sword. While on the surface you might be able to feel good about yourself from the attention and euphoria of feeling wanted and loved by so many, you'd also become dependent on their approval and live to please them so that they won't suddenly lose interest in you or hate you.
The reality is that we can't be liked and loved by everyone. Rather than being yourself and being accepted for who you are, to keep the popularity you gained, you'd have to change yourself, your values and your principles even just to keep their interest in you. You will eventually either grow weiry and tired of it all or lose yourself in the process.
There are a few questions you could ask yourself because in my opinion, it doesn't seem like you want to be friends with them because you think they're good people who would love you for who you are and you'd enjoy being in their company. Because if you did, you wouldn't feel the need to second guess yourself and compare yourself to them in a way that harms your sense of self-worth. It seems to me like you're only interested in them because you crave some kind of validation from the popularity being friends with them might bring.
'Why do I feel that need for that kind of validation?' would be a good place to start.
Ask yourself if you're not happy right now. Is there any needs that aren't being met. Do you feel isolated or lonely? Is there anything else that's bothering you?
Self-reflection can help you understand yourself better so that you can fulfil your needs without harming your integrity and worth. Is what I think >o< Take this with a grain of salt. I just thought of leaving my thoughts. Have a great day~

This is so insightful and you make good points. This gives me hope that popularity is really not so important, thank you :smile:

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