Struggling at university need advice

I absolutely love my course and am sooo passionate about it yet uni is just making me so anxious and isolated I’m really struggling.

I’ve barely made any friends and I used to live in a shared flat but the people there were so messy and unkind I literally could not eat and I’m in a studio now.

I’ve been to a few society’s and it’s all about drinking and u don’t fit in really if u don’t go out after to party and stuff. And I’ve tried sports too but the people had been doing it for years and diddnt want to teach me.

I am so alone and I end up going back home every week because I have 2 panic attacks a day.

I don’t know what to do and I feel so lost.

Original post by Anonymous #1

I absolutely love my course and am sooo passionate about it yet uni is just making me so anxious and isolated I’m really struggling.

I’ve barely made any friends and I used to live in a shared flat but the people there were so messy and unkind I literally could not eat and I’m in a studio now.

I’ve been to a few society’s and it’s all about drinking and u don’t fit in really if u don’t go out after to party and stuff. And I’ve tried sports too but the people had been doing it for years and diddnt want to teach me.

I am so alone and I end up going back home every week because I have 2 panic attacks a day.

I don’t know what to do and I feel so lost.

Hi there!

I am so sorry to hear you are having an experience like this in university.

Have you tried setting up your own society in a subject or sport that you are interested in? This would be a great way to meet people with similar interests and make friends.

Otherwise, have you tried talking to the people on your course who have similar interests to you? They may be going through a similar situation and would maybe really appreciate you initiating the conversation with them. I know that the idea of this is probably out of your comfort zone but these people have a major same interest as you already, so it is a fantastic ice breaker.

Another idea would be reaching out to your lecturers or your university well-being services, they may be able to offer you advice and techniques to get through this stressful time. Sometimes telling people that you are feeling like this is the first step to rectifying it because otherwise they may not even know.

I hope this helps!

University of Wolverhampton Rep
Ben 😀

Original post by Anonymous #1

I absolutely love my course and am sooo passionate about it yet uni is just making me so anxious and isolated I’m really struggling.

I’ve barely made any friends and I used to live in a shared flat but the people there were so messy and unkind I literally could not eat and I’m in a studio now.

I’ve been to a few society’s and it’s all about drinking and u don’t fit in really if u don’t go out after to party and stuff. And I’ve tried sports too but the people had been doing it for years and diddnt want to teach me.

I am so alone and I end up going back home every week because I have 2 panic attacks a day.

I don’t know what to do and I feel so lost.

Hi there

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I understand that making friends can be difficult in University, but there are many others in a similar position as you, you are not alone!

It is good to hear hat you enjoy your course, and that you have attempted to go to some societies. I know there can be quite a lot of pressure on fitting in and drinking, but you should not force yourself if you do not enjoy it or feel uncomfortable.

Have you perhaps tried other societies? I am sure there are others that are not all about drinking. :smile:

Or you could choose to attend certain society events instead of attending all of them? Even if societies do not work, there are many other places where you can make friends. It is perfectly fine not to be living in a shared flat. Instead, maybe you could try speaking to students in the same course or class as you? I find it easier to speak to these in the same class as we would often have a common topics to talk about. :smile:

You may also be able to meet up outside of classes.

What do you normally do outside of your lessons? Being able to manage your mental health is really important. Finding a hobby may be quite useful in distracting yourself from negative thoughts. If you find yourself needing any support, I would recommend getting in touch with your University's well being and support team. I have also sought help form the University in previous years when I was struggling to cope with stress and poor mental health. I found it really useful, having someone to listen to you, and offer practical advice and opportunities can be a good way forward. :smile:

I hope this helps.
Chloe
University of Kent student rep

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Hi, I’m in the same position, what uni are you at?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous #2

Hi, I’m in the same position, what uni are you at?

Hello I’m at Hertfordshire of uni

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous #2

Hi, I’m in the same position, what uni are you at?

I meant uni of herts im so dumb

Reply 6

University of Hertfordshire

Official Rep

15

Original post by Anonymous #1

I absolutely love my course and am sooo passionate about it yet uni is just making me so anxious and isolated I’m really struggling.

I’ve barely made any friends and I used to live in a shared flat but the people there were so messy and unkind I literally could not eat and I’m in a studio now.

I’ve been to a few society’s and it’s all about drinking and u don’t fit in really if u don’t go out after to party and stuff. And I’ve tried sports too but the people had been doing it for years and diddnt want to teach me.

I am so alone and I end up going back home every week because I have 2 panic attacks a day.

I don’t know what to do and I feel so lost.

Hi there,
I'm so sorry to read that you're having a tough time and not yet having the university experience you have hoped for. Well done for reaching out here to ask for advice - it sounds like you are doing all the right things by joining societies and sports clubs. It might be that you just haven't quite found the right ones yet as they're definitely not all about drinking - university is for trying new and different things until you find your passions, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed and unsure.
It's great that you're enjoying your course - hopefully you can build friendships from there as you will have things in common and a similar schedule.
Have you spoken to the Student Wellbeing Team yet? This would be a really good source of support - contact them at: [email protected] or go and find them upstairs in the Hutton Hub - they'll be able to suggest things and are very experienced with these difficulties. The Students Union (Herts SU) is another great source of support and they might also be able to suggest some different societies to try: you can request an appointment via the website.
I really hope this helps and that you find some good support very soon - don't be afraid to ask as staff are here to help. Sending you every best wish.
Gaynor
Marketing and Communications

Reply 7

University of Sunderland Student Ambassador

Official Rep

11

Original post by Anonymous #1

I absolutely love my course and am sooo passionate about it yet uni is just making me so anxious and isolated I’m really struggling.
I’ve barely made any friends and I used to live in a shared flat but the people there were so messy and unkind I literally could not eat and I’m in a studio now.
I’ve been to a few society’s and it’s all about drinking and u don’t fit in really if u don’t go out after to party and stuff. And I’ve tried sports too but the people had been doing it for years and diddnt want to teach me.
I am so alone and I end up going back home every week because I have 2 panic attacks a day.
I don’t know what to do and I feel so lost.

Hello there,
I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you're facing a lot of challenges right now, and feeling alienated at university may be quite challenging. I want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings, and that it is normal to struggle at times.
As a fellow student, I understand how difficult it can be to manage studying, socializing, and dealing with anxiety. It's difficult when you can't make the contacts you need, especially if you've explored other channels such as societies and sports.
Living in a shared flat with messy and unkind people can definitely take a toll on your well-being, and it's understandable that you needed to move to a studio for your own peace of mind. But I'm sad to hear that you're still feeling alienated despite the improvement.
I want you to know it's alright to ask for help. Students typically have access to counselling services at universities, and chatting with a professional can offer you with some support and coping methods for controlling your anxiety. You could also check into support groups or workshops designed exclusively for students struggling with similar challenges.
It can take some time to discover yourself and your people at university, and it's fine if it doesn't happen immediately. Continue to explore new interests and activities, and avoid putting too much pressure on yourself to fit into a specific mould. Your well-being is most important, so don't be afraid to prioritise self-care and seek help when necessary.
If you ever need someone to chat to or simply want to rant, I'm here for you. Keep trying, and realise that with time and help, things can improve.
I hope this is helpful.
Kind regards,
Mrunali Kalbhor,
University of Sunderland Student ambassador

Original post by Anonymous #1

I absolutely love my course and am sooo passionate about it yet uni is just making me so anxious and isolated I’m really struggling.
I’ve barely made any friends and I used to live in a shared flat but the people there were so messy and unkind I literally could not eat and I’m in a studio now.
I’ve been to a few society’s and it’s all about drinking and u don’t fit in really if u don’t go out after to party and stuff. And I’ve tried sports too but the people had been doing it for years and diddnt want to teach me.
I am so alone and I end up going back home every week because I have 2 panic attacks a day.
I don’t know what to do and I feel so lost.

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you have been going through a tough time at uni. if you haven't already, I would recommend talking to your university wellbeing team as they may be able to talk to you about how you have been feeling and may be able to offer you some good suggestions.

As for making friends, I would say to maybe join some different societies next year and have a fresh start with them. There are some societies at Hallam were people don't drink and their are socials in coffee shops etc so maybe look into if your university has any of these that you can join and make some friends this way. There also may be some social sports teams where people are beginners and it isn't as competitive and there isn't as much pressure on it so this might be a good idea to look into this and see if there are any that might suit you. I would go to the freshers fairs in September and talk to the people running the stands for each sports society and explain that you are a beginner and would there be other beginners too or if it is quite competitive.

I would also recommend just putting yourself out there with the people on your house if you did not get on with your flatmates. Ask them if they want to go for a coffee or food after uni, or ask them if they want to go to the library with you, especially if you have deadlines coming up.

Also, it might be a good idea to invite your friends from home to stay with you at uni one weekend! This may help you to feel more at home at uni and make help you to settle in a little bit more.

I hope some of this helps and you start to feel a bit better with uni soon,

Lucy-SHU student ambassador.

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

I absolutely love my course and am sooo passionate about it yet uni is just making me so anxious and isolated I’m really struggling.
I’ve barely made any friends and I used to live in a shared flat but the people there were so messy and unkind I literally could not eat and I’m in a studio now.
I’ve been to a few society’s and it’s all about drinking and u don’t fit in really if u don’t go out after to party and stuff. And I’ve tried sports too but the people had been doing it for years and diddnt want to teach me.
I am so alone and I end up going back home every week because I have 2 panic attacks a day.
I don’t know what to do and I feel so lost.

I’m in the same position I want to move back home because of it I genuinely get so much anxiety did u find anything that helped u?

Reply 10

EVRT808

13

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in the same position I want to move back home because of it I genuinely get so much anxiety did u find anything that helped u?

Im so scared to move out now omg

Hello,

I'm so sorry to hear you've been dealing with all of this at uni, that sounds like a really difficult time for you. Well done for persevering and trying lots of new societies- I know that can be really draining. Keep going!

I would firstly recommend attending your uni wellbeing service. From personal experience I know that can be daunting, but they are probably the people in the best position to give you the best support and resources. Channel your bravery for the first meeting/email/call and go for it, you've got this! Also remember you have access to a GP service as well, and they can guide you to services in your local area too.

It is okay if the societies at uni aren't for you. I tried quite a few before settling on one which has no drinking involved but we go on fun days out instead. From my experience too, joining clubs like mountaineering can be great because lots of people join new throughout the year, there is the option to explore new places and climbing is a great sport for quick, rewarding progress as well . Maybe this is something you could consider? Keeping active is great for your mental health, even if that's just a dance party by yourself in your flat :smile:

I would also recommend joining facebook groups for your local area. Often dance or yoga classes are advertised on there which can be fun and a nice way to connect with people outside of uni. There are also sometimes groups for people who are looking to make friends :smile:

You are doing really well. Keep reaching out and talking to loved ones. These difficult times will pass- you've got this!!

All the best,

Lucy
2nd year languages student

Struggling at university need advice

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