Worried I will fail my placement because I am not social enough
I am a data science undergrad and a woman in STEM, my placement is for an aerospace company for 12 months and it ends in June.
Everything is going well so far, I've been getting good feedback for my work and professionalism. I've even took lead on a project for a new client as I was the only one on the project team that could code, so I ended up doing most of the work because I had to write all of the code by myself (the client was very happy with the project in the end).
However, whenever I have a review with my supervisor he mostly comments on my introversion and dislikes that I come into the office, put my head down and do my work, then go straight home and don't chat to people.
I haven't worked in an office job before, so I find it very strange to want your employees to chat instead of doing work? I understand what he means, networking and all, but the problem is I don't go out of my way to avoid my co-workers! When I started I was very nervous and no one made any effort to make me feel welcome, no one would chat to me at lunch, no one would make any small-talk with me, and to this day no one does.
I do appreciate it is in part my fault for not taking the initiative in this case from the beginning and approach people myself, but I honestly feel it is kind of unfair to put that responsibility on me to include myself into the work culture when I've never worked in an office before, I've never worked in my field before, and I have impostor syndrome as most students do.
Okay, maybe I am in the wrong and I'm too much of a recluse, but I have some level of expectation that if someone is 5-10+ years older than me, my senior in a job, and my senior in the industry, they will make an effort to include me in the office culture instead of ignoring me?
To this day there are some people in our (small) office that have never introduced themselves to me, many of which are in the same department as me. There are only 2 other women in our department, who I've talked to quite a bit, but they prefer to talk to each other and never to me even though I've talked to both of them quite a bit in the past. We could be sitting at the same desk shoulder-to-shoulder and they will be planning to do something after work together without inviting me.
I'm not sure if I did something, I am a little awkward, I am a computer nerd after all, but it seems a bit unforgiving on their part if that is the case? I couldn't imagine being a grad and seeing a younger girl in my department without wanting to support her, especially if she's struggling to fit in and there are no other women in our department.
All my other co-workers are older men and again maybe it's me but I'm not terribly comfortable being the one to approach them and make small talk, and I'm sure that feeling is mutual to some extent.
Not to mention, there are never any team-building or social events. People will often go drinking after work, or organise nights out - to go drinking, and that is about the extent of the social events we have. Few issues there, I don't drive, I get paid less than minimum wage, and I don't drink because I'm a recovering alcoholic, yeah.
I've made the effort to go out to one of these drinking events, once, one of my co-workers offered to drive me. I got home at 2am on a work night, blackout drunk - which is exactly why I don't drink anymore, because I have no self-control when I do!
Still, my boss insists I don't do enough to be social, and on my review he marked my communication AND teamworking as poor because of this, even though my professional communication and teamwork is fine! It's purely the informal aspects he takes issue with, the "soft skills", but I am really at a loss at what more I can do about this! I am also bound by my university to stay out of any office politics and to maintain professionalism, so that is contradicting what my boss wants me to do as well.
As placements are assessed on a pass/fail basis, I'm worried I will have put up with this cold workplace and **** pay for an entire year for NOTHING purely because I couldn't make any work friends. Okay, not exactly nothing, but I wouldn't have put myself through this for the experience alone, especially when I've been on a slave contract with an at-will break clause for less pay than I would've made at Tesco's!
Is it possible to fail a placement because of social dynamics alone? What can I do?
Everything is going well so far, I've been getting good feedback for my work and professionalism. I've even took lead on a project for a new client as I was the only one on the project team that could code, so I ended up doing most of the work because I had to write all of the code by myself (the client was very happy with the project in the end).
However, whenever I have a review with my supervisor he mostly comments on my introversion and dislikes that I come into the office, put my head down and do my work, then go straight home and don't chat to people.
I haven't worked in an office job before, so I find it very strange to want your employees to chat instead of doing work? I understand what he means, networking and all, but the problem is I don't go out of my way to avoid my co-workers! When I started I was very nervous and no one made any effort to make me feel welcome, no one would chat to me at lunch, no one would make any small-talk with me, and to this day no one does.
I do appreciate it is in part my fault for not taking the initiative in this case from the beginning and approach people myself, but I honestly feel it is kind of unfair to put that responsibility on me to include myself into the work culture when I've never worked in an office before, I've never worked in my field before, and I have impostor syndrome as most students do.
Okay, maybe I am in the wrong and I'm too much of a recluse, but I have some level of expectation that if someone is 5-10+ years older than me, my senior in a job, and my senior in the industry, they will make an effort to include me in the office culture instead of ignoring me?
To this day there are some people in our (small) office that have never introduced themselves to me, many of which are in the same department as me. There are only 2 other women in our department, who I've talked to quite a bit, but they prefer to talk to each other and never to me even though I've talked to both of them quite a bit in the past. We could be sitting at the same desk shoulder-to-shoulder and they will be planning to do something after work together without inviting me.
I'm not sure if I did something, I am a little awkward, I am a computer nerd after all, but it seems a bit unforgiving on their part if that is the case? I couldn't imagine being a grad and seeing a younger girl in my department without wanting to support her, especially if she's struggling to fit in and there are no other women in our department.
All my other co-workers are older men and again maybe it's me but I'm not terribly comfortable being the one to approach them and make small talk, and I'm sure that feeling is mutual to some extent.
Not to mention, there are never any team-building or social events. People will often go drinking after work, or organise nights out - to go drinking, and that is about the extent of the social events we have. Few issues there, I don't drive, I get paid less than minimum wage, and I don't drink because I'm a recovering alcoholic, yeah.
I've made the effort to go out to one of these drinking events, once, one of my co-workers offered to drive me. I got home at 2am on a work night, blackout drunk - which is exactly why I don't drink anymore, because I have no self-control when I do!
Still, my boss insists I don't do enough to be social, and on my review he marked my communication AND teamworking as poor because of this, even though my professional communication and teamwork is fine! It's purely the informal aspects he takes issue with, the "soft skills", but I am really at a loss at what more I can do about this! I am also bound by my university to stay out of any office politics and to maintain professionalism, so that is contradicting what my boss wants me to do as well.
As placements are assessed on a pass/fail basis, I'm worried I will have put up with this cold workplace and **** pay for an entire year for NOTHING purely because I couldn't make any work friends. Okay, not exactly nothing, but I wouldn't have put myself through this for the experience alone, especially when I've been on a slave contract with an at-will break clause for less pay than I would've made at Tesco's!
Is it possible to fail a placement because of social dynamics alone? What can I do?
Original post by jujuspring
I am a data science undergrad and a woman in STEM, my placement is for an aerospace company for 12 months and it ends in June.
Everything is going well so far, I've been getting good feedback for my work and professionalism. I've even took lead on a project for a new client as I was the only one on the project team that could code, so I ended up doing most of the work because I had to write all of the code by myself (the client was very happy with the project in the end).
However, whenever I have a review with my supervisor he mostly comments on my introversion and dislikes that I come into the office, put my head down and do my work, then go straight home and don't chat to people.
I haven't worked in an office job before, so I find it very strange to want your employees to chat instead of doing work? I understand what he means, networking and all, but the problem is I don't go out of my way to avoid my co-workers! When I started I was very nervous and no one made any effort to make me feel welcome, no one would chat to me at lunch, no one would make any small-talk with me, and to this day no one does.
I do appreciate it is in part my fault for not taking the initiative in this case from the beginning and approach people myself, but I honestly feel it is kind of unfair to put that responsibility on me to include myself into the work culture when I've never worked in an office before, I've never worked in my field before, and I have impostor syndrome as most students do.
Okay, maybe I am in the wrong and I'm too much of a recluse, but I have some level of expectation that if someone is 5-10+ years older than me, my senior in a job, and my senior in the industry, they will make an effort to include me in the office culture instead of ignoring me?
To this day there are some people in our (small) office that have never introduced themselves to me, many of which are in the same department as me. There are only 2 other women in our department, who I've talked to quite a bit, but they prefer to talk to each other and never to me even though I've talked to both of them quite a bit in the past. We could be sitting at the same desk shoulder-to-shoulder and they will be planning to do something after work together without inviting me.
I'm not sure if I did something, I am a little awkward, I am a computer nerd after all, but it seems a bit unforgiving on their part if that is the case? I couldn't imagine being a grad and seeing a younger girl in my department without wanting to support her, especially if she's struggling to fit in and there are no other women in our department.
All my other co-workers are older men and again maybe it's me but I'm not terribly comfortable being the one to approach them and make small talk, and I'm sure that feeling is mutual to some extent.
Not to mention, there are never any team-building or social events. People will often go drinking after work, or organise nights out - to go drinking, and that is about the extent of the social events we have. Few issues there, I don't drive, I get paid less than minimum wage, and I don't drink because I'm a recovering alcoholic, yeah.
I've made the effort to go out to one of these drinking events, once, one of my co-workers offered to drive me. I got home at 2am on a work night, blackout drunk - which is exactly why I don't drink anymore, because I have no self-control when I do!
Still, my boss insists I don't do enough to be social, and on my review he marked my communication AND teamworking as poor because of this, even though my professional communication and teamwork is fine! It's purely the informal aspects he takes issue with, the "soft skills", but I am really at a loss at what more I can do about this! I am also bound by my university to stay out of any office politics and to maintain professionalism, so that is contradicting what my boss wants me to do as well.
As placements are assessed on a pass/fail basis, I'm worried I will have put up with this cold workplace and **** pay for an entire year for NOTHING purely because I couldn't make any work friends. Okay, not exactly nothing, but I wouldn't have put myself through this for the experience alone, especially when I've been on a slave contract with an at-will break clause for less pay than I would've made at Tesco's!
Is it possible to fail a placement because of social dynamics alone? What can I do?
Everything is going well so far, I've been getting good feedback for my work and professionalism. I've even took lead on a project for a new client as I was the only one on the project team that could code, so I ended up doing most of the work because I had to write all of the code by myself (the client was very happy with the project in the end).
However, whenever I have a review with my supervisor he mostly comments on my introversion and dislikes that I come into the office, put my head down and do my work, then go straight home and don't chat to people.
I haven't worked in an office job before, so I find it very strange to want your employees to chat instead of doing work? I understand what he means, networking and all, but the problem is I don't go out of my way to avoid my co-workers! When I started I was very nervous and no one made any effort to make me feel welcome, no one would chat to me at lunch, no one would make any small-talk with me, and to this day no one does.
I do appreciate it is in part my fault for not taking the initiative in this case from the beginning and approach people myself, but I honestly feel it is kind of unfair to put that responsibility on me to include myself into the work culture when I've never worked in an office before, I've never worked in my field before, and I have impostor syndrome as most students do.
Okay, maybe I am in the wrong and I'm too much of a recluse, but I have some level of expectation that if someone is 5-10+ years older than me, my senior in a job, and my senior in the industry, they will make an effort to include me in the office culture instead of ignoring me?
To this day there are some people in our (small) office that have never introduced themselves to me, many of which are in the same department as me. There are only 2 other women in our department, who I've talked to quite a bit, but they prefer to talk to each other and never to me even though I've talked to both of them quite a bit in the past. We could be sitting at the same desk shoulder-to-shoulder and they will be planning to do something after work together without inviting me.
I'm not sure if I did something, I am a little awkward, I am a computer nerd after all, but it seems a bit unforgiving on their part if that is the case? I couldn't imagine being a grad and seeing a younger girl in my department without wanting to support her, especially if she's struggling to fit in and there are no other women in our department.
All my other co-workers are older men and again maybe it's me but I'm not terribly comfortable being the one to approach them and make small talk, and I'm sure that feeling is mutual to some extent.
Not to mention, there are never any team-building or social events. People will often go drinking after work, or organise nights out - to go drinking, and that is about the extent of the social events we have. Few issues there, I don't drive, I get paid less than minimum wage, and I don't drink because I'm a recovering alcoholic, yeah.
I've made the effort to go out to one of these drinking events, once, one of my co-workers offered to drive me. I got home at 2am on a work night, blackout drunk - which is exactly why I don't drink anymore, because I have no self-control when I do!
Still, my boss insists I don't do enough to be social, and on my review he marked my communication AND teamworking as poor because of this, even though my professional communication and teamwork is fine! It's purely the informal aspects he takes issue with, the "soft skills", but I am really at a loss at what more I can do about this! I am also bound by my university to stay out of any office politics and to maintain professionalism, so that is contradicting what my boss wants me to do as well.
As placements are assessed on a pass/fail basis, I'm worried I will have put up with this cold workplace and **** pay for an entire year for NOTHING purely because I couldn't make any work friends. Okay, not exactly nothing, but I wouldn't have put myself through this for the experience alone, especially when I've been on a slave contract with an at-will break clause for less pay than I would've made at Tesco's!
Is it possible to fail a placement because of social dynamics alone? What can I do?
@jujuspring
It's great that you are a women in STEM and that you've been able to put your skills to good use for a project that required coding 😍!!! It sounds like you have listened to the feedback they have given and clearly disagreed. You have been able to assess your situation and reflect on what may or may not be true which is a useful skill.
It sounds like they are very happy with your work but perhaps want to know more of what you are like as a person.
It's fine to be an introvert, though sometimes introverts do have to behave like extroverts. This does not mean that you need to go out drinking with them when you are a recovering alcoholic, but it might mean taking more of the initiative for example, coming into the office and saying 'Good morning' to everyone, asking how people's weekends were, asking if anyone else wants a cup of tea or coffee when you go to make a cup, chatting to whoever is in the kitchen etc...Work is not just about doing good work (there are actually many people in workplaces who are not great workers, but because they are social they get away with doing less than they should!) it's about being part of a team and bringing a friendly, approachable, kind, thoughtful, good sense of humour/character to the workplace.
It helps when other people are outgoing and make the effort to include you and to make you feel at ease, but they are not the ones potentially looking for a role at the company at the end of the internship or a glowing reference. They might also feel that there's no point in making too much of an effort when you are not a permanent member of the team. Finally, they may have had lots of interns over the years and may have a bit of intern/hospitality fatigue, where they have done the welcoming thing before, made the effort, and the intern's left and not been given a later role at the company.
For sure, you have to be careful with older men. You do not want to give the wrong idea or put yourself in an awkward situation but that doesn't mean that you should ignore them, just be polite.
You could try and take a lead on organising a social event which isn't drinking based....e.g. a charity cake day or you could bring in cake on Monday as a nice gesture or on Wednesday as a halfway-through the week celebration. Think about something you could do which shows you care about the members of the team. It might mean making the effort to learn people's names and something about their interests, so you can make small talk when you see them e.g. how did your football team do over the weekend? how are things going with your new hobby? are you going on holiday this year? are you doing something special for your birthday?
I think you could continue doing what you are doing ( putting your head down and working), but since they have asked you to work on your communication and teamwork skills it would be worthwhile to try so that they know that you are willing to listen to feedback, so that even if you still struggle they know that you have tried. If you are interested in working for the company after university, then you definitely need to try and make the effort. If you are not interested in working for the company, it might still be useful feedback going forward, as you might find yourself in a similar situation again and it become a problem in other workplaces.
Try not to stress about it (!), but do think about small changes you can make.
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
Original post by jujuspring
I am a data science undergrad and a woman in STEM, my placement is for an aerospace company for 12 months and it ends in June.
Everything is going well so far, I've been getting good feedback for my work and professionalism. I've even took lead on a project for a new client as I was the only one on the project team that could code, so I ended up doing most of the work because I had to write all of the code by myself (the client was very happy with the project in the end).
However, whenever I have a review with my supervisor he mostly comments on my introversion and dislikes that I come into the office, put my head down and do my work, then go straight home and don't chat to people.
I haven't worked in an office job before, so I find it very strange to want your employees to chat instead of doing work? I understand what he means, networking and all, but the problem is I don't go out of my way to avoid my co-workers! When I started I was very nervous and no one made any effort to make me feel welcome, no one would chat to me at lunch, no one would make any small-talk with me, and to this day no one does.
I do appreciate it is in part my fault for not taking the initiative in this case from the beginning and approach people myself, but I honestly feel it is kind of unfair to put that responsibility on me to include myself into the work culture when I've never worked in an office before, I've never worked in my field before, and I have impostor syndrome as most students do.
Okay, maybe I am in the wrong and I'm too much of a recluse, but I have some level of expectation that if someone is 5-10+ years older than me, my senior in a job, and my senior in the industry, they will make an effort to include me in the office culture instead of ignoring me?
To this day there are some people in our (small) office that have never introduced themselves to me, many of which are in the same department as me. There are only 2 other women in our department, who I've talked to quite a bit, but they prefer to talk to each other and never to me even though I've talked to both of them quite a bit in the past. We could be sitting at the same desk shoulder-to-shoulder and they will be planning to do something after work together without inviting me.
I'm not sure if I did something, I am a little awkward, I am a computer nerd after all, but it seems a bit unforgiving on their part if that is the case? I couldn't imagine being a grad and seeing a younger girl in my department without wanting to support her, especially if she's struggling to fit in and there are no other women in our department.
All my other co-workers are older men and again maybe it's me but I'm not terribly comfortable being the one to approach them and make small talk, and I'm sure that feeling is mutual to some extent.
Not to mention, there are never any team-building or social events. People will often go drinking after work, or organise nights out - to go drinking, and that is about the extent of the social events we have. Few issues there, I don't drive, I get paid less than minimum wage, and I don't drink because I'm a recovering alcoholic, yeah.
I've made the effort to go out to one of these drinking events, once, one of my co-workers offered to drive me. I got home at 2am on a work night, blackout drunk - which is exactly why I don't drink anymore, because I have no self-control when I do!
Still, my boss insists I don't do enough to be social, and on my review he marked my communication AND teamworking as poor because of this, even though my professional communication and teamwork is fine! It's purely the informal aspects he takes issue with, the "soft skills", but I am really at a loss at what more I can do about this! I am also bound by my university to stay out of any office politics and to maintain professionalism, so that is contradicting what my boss wants me to do as well.
As placements are assessed on a pass/fail basis, I'm worried I will have put up with this cold workplace and **** pay for an entire year for NOTHING purely because I couldn't make any work friends. Okay, not exactly nothing, but I wouldn't have put myself through this for the experience alone, especially when I've been on a slave contract with an at-will break clause for less pay than I would've made at Tesco's!
Is it possible to fail a placement because of social dynamics alone? What can I do?
Everything is going well so far, I've been getting good feedback for my work and professionalism. I've even took lead on a project for a new client as I was the only one on the project team that could code, so I ended up doing most of the work because I had to write all of the code by myself (the client was very happy with the project in the end).
However, whenever I have a review with my supervisor he mostly comments on my introversion and dislikes that I come into the office, put my head down and do my work, then go straight home and don't chat to people.
I haven't worked in an office job before, so I find it very strange to want your employees to chat instead of doing work? I understand what he means, networking and all, but the problem is I don't go out of my way to avoid my co-workers! When I started I was very nervous and no one made any effort to make me feel welcome, no one would chat to me at lunch, no one would make any small-talk with me, and to this day no one does.
I do appreciate it is in part my fault for not taking the initiative in this case from the beginning and approach people myself, but I honestly feel it is kind of unfair to put that responsibility on me to include myself into the work culture when I've never worked in an office before, I've never worked in my field before, and I have impostor syndrome as most students do.
Okay, maybe I am in the wrong and I'm too much of a recluse, but I have some level of expectation that if someone is 5-10+ years older than me, my senior in a job, and my senior in the industry, they will make an effort to include me in the office culture instead of ignoring me?
To this day there are some people in our (small) office that have never introduced themselves to me, many of which are in the same department as me. There are only 2 other women in our department, who I've talked to quite a bit, but they prefer to talk to each other and never to me even though I've talked to both of them quite a bit in the past. We could be sitting at the same desk shoulder-to-shoulder and they will be planning to do something after work together without inviting me.
I'm not sure if I did something, I am a little awkward, I am a computer nerd after all, but it seems a bit unforgiving on their part if that is the case? I couldn't imagine being a grad and seeing a younger girl in my department without wanting to support her, especially if she's struggling to fit in and there are no other women in our department.
All my other co-workers are older men and again maybe it's me but I'm not terribly comfortable being the one to approach them and make small talk, and I'm sure that feeling is mutual to some extent.
Not to mention, there are never any team-building or social events. People will often go drinking after work, or organise nights out - to go drinking, and that is about the extent of the social events we have. Few issues there, I don't drive, I get paid less than minimum wage, and I don't drink because I'm a recovering alcoholic, yeah.
I've made the effort to go out to one of these drinking events, once, one of my co-workers offered to drive me. I got home at 2am on a work night, blackout drunk - which is exactly why I don't drink anymore, because I have no self-control when I do!
Still, my boss insists I don't do enough to be social, and on my review he marked my communication AND teamworking as poor because of this, even though my professional communication and teamwork is fine! It's purely the informal aspects he takes issue with, the "soft skills", but I am really at a loss at what more I can do about this! I am also bound by my university to stay out of any office politics and to maintain professionalism, so that is contradicting what my boss wants me to do as well.
As placements are assessed on a pass/fail basis, I'm worried I will have put up with this cold workplace and **** pay for an entire year for NOTHING purely because I couldn't make any work friends. Okay, not exactly nothing, but I wouldn't have put myself through this for the experience alone, especially when I've been on a slave contract with an at-will break clause for less pay than I would've made at Tesco's!
Is it possible to fail a placement because of social dynamics alone? What can I do?
Hi there,
Firstly I think it's important to recognise that the company are really happy with the work you have been doing which is brilliant, so well done!
It is totally okay to be an introvert and normal to be worried when starting a new placement or job, especially when everyone is older/more experienced than you. It sounds like you've been doing amazingly there which is so good.
From what I can understand it seems like your boss just wants you to be more networked into the team itself, they must think that there will be a benefit to the work if you are more integrated. I think that doing something simple such as wishing everyone a good morning and good evening, or asking them what they have on that day or what they did over the weekend would be a good way to show your boss you are taking the feedback they gave you on board.
I definitely don't think anyone would be expecting you to jeopardise your recovery as a recovering alcoholic so I don't think your boss would be expecting you to go out drinking etc, but I do think that a good morning, good afternoon may help people to integrate you into the team more.
I hope this helps,
Ellen
Year 4 Medical Student
University of Sunderland Digital Ambassador
Hello,
First of all, I would like to congratulate you on all your hard work on your placement. I am also a woman in STEM and I understand how the work culture can be sometimes daunting if it not something you are used to (older colleagues or different environment)
What I would do is start with the simple greetings and weather talk (I always feel like this breaks the ice). Try to suggest events in the work place, for example maybe suggest a day where one member of the team buys coffee or donuts for the other colleagues and use it as an opportunity to discuss work projects and progress.
Don't feel like you need to socialise in events that you don't feel comfortable in. If you feel like nothing is working, maybe discuss your concerns with HR as they might have tips and can maybe organise events that are suitable for you.
Finally, if you have someone in your university that is in charge of placements, you can share your concern about the grading.
I hope things get better for you,
Haya - MBBS V
First of all, I would like to congratulate you on all your hard work on your placement. I am also a woman in STEM and I understand how the work culture can be sometimes daunting if it not something you are used to (older colleagues or different environment)
What I would do is start with the simple greetings and weather talk (I always feel like this breaks the ice). Try to suggest events in the work place, for example maybe suggest a day where one member of the team buys coffee or donuts for the other colleagues and use it as an opportunity to discuss work projects and progress.
Don't feel like you need to socialise in events that you don't feel comfortable in. If you feel like nothing is working, maybe discuss your concerns with HR as they might have tips and can maybe organise events that are suitable for you.
Finally, if you have someone in your university that is in charge of placements, you can share your concern about the grading.
I hope things get better for you,
Haya - MBBS V
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