I'm planning to go to my doctor soon,I've told my mum about it,I'm just feeling so unstable as of late.I know I may end up being yet another melodramatic teenager but I've really had unstable moods for what feels like forever,I just....I just feel so hopeles and lost and stupid and unintelligent,and...I just loathe myself.I just..I can't describe how I'm feeling.I'm fed up crying every few hours,I try to make myself better,my life better,and I feel hopeful for a while,before it all comes crashing down.I have no future,I'm just...my parents will die eventually and therefore I will have no one that will feel bad about my death.I've fed up making them stressed with my constant crying and stress and yelling at them when i feel so awful,my friends are all moving on in their lives,going to uniI'm too paralysed by fear to do anything,I had plans but they jsut dont work now I see the truth.I failed my exams alst year,I'm trying so hard this year,but it might not work out,I cant face being more stupid than my friends,my family think I'll go to uni but I'm too thick,the subject I thought I was good at I actually suck at,I'm getting worse,Ive left school now,had to everyone did,i'm not ready to face the world,the world wouldnt want me anyway.I hate sounding so silly and I know everyone is probably wishing I would just shut up and do something else but I just cant control my thoughts,my brain..I just relapse into this...spiral every time.