Is it possible to feel excited, really in touch with everything and quite high but also at the same time really suicidal? I feel very agitated, like my thoughts are racing a bit, but I also feel very on the edge like I'm about to just implode with self destructiveness. I just need a ****ing big thrill, hopefully getting really drunk tonight will do that, but I still feel really suicidal. I'm not sure if I am even meant to be feeling this. I felt really numb earlier, but I just seem to be really excited, high, full of energy and plans, but at the same time really down, and this is just leading to me just planning silly things. Is this possible, or am I just being a big attention seeker?