Help making new friends at uni.
Hi,
so I've started uni at the Uni of Westminster and I'm finding it hard get to know new people. I'm a mature student (27 but look about 18 tbh) so I'm not going to any freshers clubbing etc. Also I live at home.
I think its harder than at other unis cos most of the people at Westminster come from surrounding colleges so most already know one or two other people on the course. I think if we had mainly tutorials it would be easier but cos we have mainly lectures I'm normally sitting in the theatre by myself. I know its only been one week but already this girl came up to me and said "i always see you by ur self" lol she must've felt sorry for me.
I've joined a few societies but a bit shy about introducing myself. Help please.
so I've started uni at the Uni of Westminster and I'm finding it hard get to know new people. I'm a mature student (27 but look about 18 tbh) so I'm not going to any freshers clubbing etc. Also I live at home.
I think its harder than at other unis cos most of the people at Westminster come from surrounding colleges so most already know one or two other people on the course. I think if we had mainly tutorials it would be easier but cos we have mainly lectures I'm normally sitting in the theatre by myself. I know its only been one week but already this girl came up to me and said "i always see you by ur self" lol she must've felt sorry for me.
I've joined a few societies but a bit shy about introducing myself. Help please.
Original post by Nunu1
Hi,
so I've started uni at the Uni of Westminster and I'm finding it hard get to know new people. I'm a mature student (27 but look about 18 tbh) so I'm not going to any freshers clubbing etc. Also I live at home.
I think its harder than at other unis cos most of the people at Westminster come from surrounding colleges so most already know one or two other people on the course. I think if we had mainly tutorials it would be easier but cos we have mainly lectures I'm normally sitting in the theatre by myself. I know its only been one week but already this girl came up to me and said "i always see you by ur self" lol she must've felt sorry for me.
I've joined a few societies but a bit shy about introducing myself. Help please.
so I've started uni at the Uni of Westminster and I'm finding it hard get to know new people. I'm a mature student (27 but look about 18 tbh) so I'm not going to any freshers clubbing etc. Also I live at home.
I think its harder than at other unis cos most of the people at Westminster come from surrounding colleges so most already know one or two other people on the course. I think if we had mainly tutorials it would be easier but cos we have mainly lectures I'm normally sitting in the theatre by myself. I know its only been one week but already this girl came up to me and said "i always see you by ur self" lol she must've felt sorry for me.
I've joined a few societies but a bit shy about introducing myself. Help please.
Hey
I've moved this to the mature students forum - someone here will be able to give you some great advice
Hi
I've just started at uni as a mature student, so I can understand where you're coming from. I don't think I look my age (39), but then that could partly be my own vanity talking! I have no idea how old others at uni think I am (haven't asked them), but even in my wildest dreams I can't imagine they really think I'm in their age group. It's also likely it's pretty obvious I'm an older student since I tend to speak up in seminars more than most (though not all) of the younger students are doing at this early stage.
I'm also living off-campus - I've moved to my uni's town more or less on a full-time basis. I might go back to visit my family during holidays, but in essence this is my new home now. So I'm in a new place where I don't already have a pre-existing network of family and friends.
Not living in halls is almost certainly the right thing for most of us on the more mature side - a couple of mature students on my course I've met are living in halls, but then they're only in their early 20s, so the age gap isn't that great. I'd imagine for most people over 25, living in potentially messy and noisy halls is about as appealing as having teeth pulled. Downside is that I'm a bit out of the loop. It's taking me longer to get accustomed to finding my way around the campus, since I visit there rather than live there. Plus there's the overhead of getting to and from campus from home to contend with, although in my case it's not too bad as I live about 15 mins walk away. But still it's a pain, and events and amenities at uni aren't literally up the road from me as they would be if I were living on campus.
I don't have the long range view of it yet, since it's only the end of Week 1 for me. However, my feeling is at this stage that it just takes a bit longer for some of us to get integrated. I'm also in a situation where I need to, simply put, get my life together a bit while I settle into a new place. This is in a quite physical sense - I've got boxes of stuff that I've ported over from my old abode that are all over my room, and I need time to sort them out. So I'm not jumping at every possible social opportunity at the moment - my weekends so far have been pretty quiet.
I understand your worries. I turn up to things (lectures, seminars & screenings) and it's a bit disconcerting since people already seem to know each other. It's the same thing at the clubs - despite this being touted as the standard "cure" for having no friends, people already seem to be friends with others right from the first gatherings of these clubs, so naturally they go there together, sit together, and chat together. It's a bit hard when you're always going alone. If you're not a particularly forward person, you don't want to constantly be forcing yourself on people. It's much worse when you're constantly thinking, "are they just not going to accept me because they don't feel comfortable with an older person?"
So, you're not alone in being alone! I don't have the magic solution (yet), unfortunately. My strategy is just to keep quietly plugging away, and hopefully in time the younger ones will grow to disregard the age factor. The other thing is find out what's going on with your uni's mature students' society. If there isn't one, maybe set one up! We had a Week 0 mature students session for my subject - only 4 turned up, but that was a great ice breaker. So anything mature students related is worth going to - I've also signed up for a networking lunch in November. One piece of advice I got at the earlier session I mentioned was to embrace your mature student status but not be an isolationist.
Sorry, this is a really long post, but I've noticed that when people post these questions (as I have in the past), people tend to respond with well-meaning but not all that useful platitudes ("Don't worry, you'll be fine! Just be friendly!" etc.) It would be interesting to hear from people who have got involved in the standard societies (other than the mature-student-specific ones) and how they've handled it. I find myself asking, "if I go on the <such-and-such society> social/pub crawl, will it be a key step in overcoming the barrier, or will I just be the sad old git in the corner no one wants to talk to (except out of pity)?"
I've just started at uni as a mature student, so I can understand where you're coming from. I don't think I look my age (39), but then that could partly be my own vanity talking! I have no idea how old others at uni think I am (haven't asked them), but even in my wildest dreams I can't imagine they really think I'm in their age group. It's also likely it's pretty obvious I'm an older student since I tend to speak up in seminars more than most (though not all) of the younger students are doing at this early stage.
I'm also living off-campus - I've moved to my uni's town more or less on a full-time basis. I might go back to visit my family during holidays, but in essence this is my new home now. So I'm in a new place where I don't already have a pre-existing network of family and friends.
Not living in halls is almost certainly the right thing for most of us on the more mature side - a couple of mature students on my course I've met are living in halls, but then they're only in their early 20s, so the age gap isn't that great. I'd imagine for most people over 25, living in potentially messy and noisy halls is about as appealing as having teeth pulled. Downside is that I'm a bit out of the loop. It's taking me longer to get accustomed to finding my way around the campus, since I visit there rather than live there. Plus there's the overhead of getting to and from campus from home to contend with, although in my case it's not too bad as I live about 15 mins walk away. But still it's a pain, and events and amenities at uni aren't literally up the road from me as they would be if I were living on campus.
I don't have the long range view of it yet, since it's only the end of Week 1 for me. However, my feeling is at this stage that it just takes a bit longer for some of us to get integrated. I'm also in a situation where I need to, simply put, get my life together a bit while I settle into a new place. This is in a quite physical sense - I've got boxes of stuff that I've ported over from my old abode that are all over my room, and I need time to sort them out. So I'm not jumping at every possible social opportunity at the moment - my weekends so far have been pretty quiet.
I understand your worries. I turn up to things (lectures, seminars & screenings) and it's a bit disconcerting since people already seem to know each other. It's the same thing at the clubs - despite this being touted as the standard "cure" for having no friends, people already seem to be friends with others right from the first gatherings of these clubs, so naturally they go there together, sit together, and chat together. It's a bit hard when you're always going alone. If you're not a particularly forward person, you don't want to constantly be forcing yourself on people. It's much worse when you're constantly thinking, "are they just not going to accept me because they don't feel comfortable with an older person?"
So, you're not alone in being alone! I don't have the magic solution (yet), unfortunately. My strategy is just to keep quietly plugging away, and hopefully in time the younger ones will grow to disregard the age factor. The other thing is find out what's going on with your uni's mature students' society. If there isn't one, maybe set one up! We had a Week 0 mature students session for my subject - only 4 turned up, but that was a great ice breaker. So anything mature students related is worth going to - I've also signed up for a networking lunch in November. One piece of advice I got at the earlier session I mentioned was to embrace your mature student status but not be an isolationist.
Sorry, this is a really long post, but I've noticed that when people post these questions (as I have in the past), people tend to respond with well-meaning but not all that useful platitudes ("Don't worry, you'll be fine! Just be friendly!" etc.) It would be interesting to hear from people who have got involved in the standard societies (other than the mature-student-specific ones) and how they've handled it. I find myself asking, "if I go on the <such-and-such society> social/pub crawl, will it be a key step in overcoming the barrier, or will I just be the sad old git in the corner no one wants to talk to (except out of pity)?"
(edited 8 years ago)
I wasn't aware they have mature student associations. I just looked it up and found one at my uni. I don't know anyone that went to uni as a mature student. They might be handy for advice.
I hadn't really thought about socialising with other students. I have kids and schedules and things to do. I don't know how much time I'd have for people at school. And I'm not sure what I'd have in common with younger students. I won't lie and say I'm above going out for a few drinks. But I have my husband, kids and friends my own age. If I'd had a kid at 16, I'd be old enough to be their mother. As students, they are my peers. Otherwise, we're at very different places in our lives.
You can try to make friends with the 18 year olds, but I think you may find that you've changed a lot from when you were 18. You might not have much in common with them. I'd second the mature students society or association at your school.
I hadn't really thought about socialising with other students. I have kids and schedules and things to do. I don't know how much time I'd have for people at school. And I'm not sure what I'd have in common with younger students. I won't lie and say I'm above going out for a few drinks. But I have my husband, kids and friends my own age. If I'd had a kid at 16, I'd be old enough to be their mother. As students, they are my peers. Otherwise, we're at very different places in our lives.
You can try to make friends with the 18 year olds, but I think you may find that you've changed a lot from when you were 18. You might not have much in common with them. I'd second the mature students society or association at your school.
Original post by Nunu1
Hi,
so I've started uni at the Uni of Westminster and I'm finding it hard get to know new people. I'm a mature student (27 but look about 18 tbh) so I'm not going to any freshers clubbing etc. Also I live at home.
I think its harder than at other unis cos most of the people at Westminster come from surrounding colleges so most already know one or two other people on the course. I think if we had mainly tutorials it would be easier but cos we have mainly lectures I'm normally sitting in the theatre by myself. I know its only been one week but already this girl came up to me and said "i always see you by ur self" lol she must've felt sorry for me.
I've joined a few societies but a bit shy about introducing myself. Help please.
so I've started uni at the Uni of Westminster and I'm finding it hard get to know new people. I'm a mature student (27 but look about 18 tbh) so I'm not going to any freshers clubbing etc. Also I live at home.
I think its harder than at other unis cos most of the people at Westminster come from surrounding colleges so most already know one or two other people on the course. I think if we had mainly tutorials it would be easier but cos we have mainly lectures I'm normally sitting in the theatre by myself. I know its only been one week but already this girl came up to me and said "i always see you by ur self" lol she must've felt sorry for me.
I've joined a few societies but a bit shy about introducing myself. Help please.
If you have facebook it might be worth putting out a message to see if other mature students fancy meeting up for a coffee or lunch or something like that- see what kind of response you get.
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