Made a HUGE mistake

Cambridge is very demanding for STM students... 6 days a week lectures

I choose two very prestigious unis as my firm and insurance, purely because I somehow felt I should. And my school pressurised me into applying to them. I mean literally, the head of my sixth form went as far as phoning my mum.

Now, I realise that I don't want to go to either. I worked so hard throughout sixth form and I hated it. I can't spend 3 years somewhere where that level of work would be expected from me again. I'd much rather go to a more relaxed uni where I could actually have a social life and not kill myself working every hour of the day.

I'll be upset if my grades are bad on results day, because I will feel that my work all year was for nothing. But, I'm also half wishing for bad grades so I have an excuse not to go to my firm or insurance. I don't think I'd be brave enough to defy everyone's expectations and ask them to release me.

What should I do?

Thank you. It honestly isn't just me thinking that I'm not good enough, though. I realise that I probably could get the results Cambrudge and Durham expect if I work my hardest. But, my hardest is very hard. I worked my hardest during sixth form and it was hell. I physically cannot do that for another 3 years. And if that's what life at Cambridge/Durham would be like, I don't want it.

I applied for Philosophy, but wouldn't mind doing English lit either. I believe both are in clearing, yes. I suppose my worry is just whether I should voluntarily enter clearing, should I meet either of my offers.

I know somebody who did undergrad at aberystwyth university (A place so bad it doesn't even DESERVE capital letters)

I choose two very prestigious unis as my firm and insurance, purely because I somehow felt I should. And my school pressurised me into applying to them. I mean literally, the head of my sixth form went as far as phoning my mum.

Now, I realise that I don't want to go to either. I worked so hard throughout sixth form and I hated it. I can't spend 3 years somewhere where that level of work would be expected from me again. I'd much rather go to a more relaxed uni where I could actually have a social life and not kill myself working every hour of the day.

I'll be upset if my grades are bad on results day, because I will feel that my work all year was for nothing. But, I'm also half wishing for bad grades so I have an excuse not to go to my firm or insurance. I don't think I'd be brave enough to defy everyone's expectations and ask them to release me.

What should I do?

I think you can defer and take a gap year, which would probably give you the space you need away from studying, and then you would still have a place at the end of it.
I went to a not very good uni a few years ago, it's just not worth it with the fee's as high as they are. The teaching and opportunities on the course were awful. You will pay the same but have a worse quality of teaching and experience, and it's not as easy to find a good job when you leave. Cambridge would open a lot of doors...
At a good uni, I would imagine they give you the teaching, support and materials to do well even though the pressure is higher; and at uni anywhere you will still get a good social life..

I felt similar before my last few uni decisions came out. I started to think none of them would accept me because they had such low acceptance rates. I had already gotten in to a few lower ones, but I was upset at the prospect of having to settle for a bit less than what I had worked for. At the end I started to have second thoughts.

"I don't actually want this uni to accept me because I'll have so many expectations for the next 4 years"

"I'd rather go somewhere more relaxed so I can chill for working this hard in the latter years of school"

Eventually decisions came around and I was accepted to one of them. And when that happened, ALL of those second thoughts went away. Literally all of them.

You're thinking like this now because it's all a mess with results day around the corner. Okay, maybe you won't be like me if you get accepted in the end, but there is a high chance in my opinion that you'll feel differently with an acceptance. I think the achievement will be really good for you and you'll forget about it all.

You can definitely survive at Cambridge - you've gotten this far which is proof enough. If it doesn't go your way on results day, don't worry about it. Your wish came true in the end.

But if you do, go out and celebrate because, even though the next 3 years won't be easy, you'll survive them, hopefully have fun on the way, and end up with a degree from one of the best universities in the world.

OP, I feel you.

I ended up going to a good uni (Dundee) but not a RG one, after 7 years of intense grammar schooling, which had resulted in quite decent grades.

You know what? It was probably the best decision I ever made. I think some of my teachers were a bit stunned I didn't apply for Oxbridge. But I'm happy because I am (mostly) studying what I want to study.

Overall though, it's your life. You need to be happy at where you will be for the next few years.

So one thing to add to the mix is that, yes, terms at Cambridge are pretty intense, but they are short, and people do still have time to have fun.

Also, and I'm pretty sure I mentioned this to you before, it's extremely common for new students anywhere but especially at Oxbridge to feel they "aren't worthy" and the admissions people must have "made a mistake". Actually, it's a thing and it has a name: Imposter Syndrome. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

http://thetab.com/uk/cambridge/2014/10/24/why-i-was-wrong-about-cambridge-40178

I do think the fact you can try it without compromising your SFE to see how it goes for a year should give you the reassurance you aren't making a final decision you can't ever go back on.

Another option would be to defer for a year - but to honest I'm not sure that will help you. I do suspect you may still be unsure of yourself after that year...

Carpe diem, I say

And tagging @alcibiade for his view.

Thanks for sharing your positive story! It has made me feel a lot better. My only concern about rejecting Cambridge/Durham would be that I might regret it later. But, it doesn't sound as though I would from what you say.

You could always try out a term or two at Cambridge, see how you feel about it, then transfer.

Like someone said above, meeting your offer is evidence enough that you can cope with the workload, but again, you can always give it a try and if it's not for you, transfer

Don't be swayed by anyone. Make your own decisions, based on what you want and what's best for you. Don't listen to people trying to influence you, regardless of whether they have your best interests at heart or not.

Only you know what you want. You control your own destiny. Impose your will on life.

No worries. Prestige is all well and good but at the end of the day you need to be happy and comfortable with your decision.

(Though you're clearly super smart with a Cambridge offer).

I don't know whether or not it's possible to defer a year with my Durham offer, but it definitely isn't with my Cambridge one, especially as when I applied I had to state whether or not I was taking a gap year and I said I wasn't.

The main issue here though isn't that I don't feel like could achieve the grades if I worked my ass off, it's that I do t want to work my ass off. Maybe some people can get the results Cambridge/Durham want without working 24/7 but I know from experience that I am not one of them.

Thank you. I agree, I can cope with the workload. But only if I worked 24/7. I worked 24/7 throughout sixth form. That is how I got good AS results and if I meet my offer, that will be how I met my offer. So if I do meet my offer, it us only proof that I can cope with the workload provided I work 24/7. And the thing is, I don't want to work that hard. I appreciate that many people can and do cope with Cambridge workloads without studying that hard but, from my experience of A levels, I know I would not be one of them.

I got in!!!! I got an offer for Philosophy at Pembroke: AAA*

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I do know that I could survive at Cambridge, but I don't just want to survive. I want to thrive, and not just academically but emotionally. Honestly, I don't think I could do that at Cambridge, or Durham for that matter. These aren't just thoughts I've started having post exams. They are the reasons why I did not initially plan to apply to Cambridge or Durham. As I said in my OP, it was pressure from my school which eventually forced my decision. I don't want that same pressure to force my decision again.