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Anyone else have absolutely NO friends at uni?
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Here is some advice.
Firstly, stop trying to live up to standards. You mentioned having to explain to your parents why, unlike your peers, you were not going to be out on New Years Eve. This pressure to fit in is what is stifling you. You just need to stop caring about superficial aspects of your life. Do not ever try and lead a life which it is not natural for you to lead.
Try and make friends with anyone you can. Even if at first these relationships seem shallow eventually you will meet someone who is as grateful to have you as a friend as you are for them.
Be open minded and more importantly stop caring about who you think you would like to be, how your friends see you etc and instead focus on who you are and what you want to do. University is a place where you can learn so much about yourself; so make the most of it.
Firstly, stop trying to live up to standards. You mentioned having to explain to your parents why, unlike your peers, you were not going to be out on New Years Eve. This pressure to fit in is what is stifling you. You just need to stop caring about superficial aspects of your life. Do not ever try and lead a life which it is not natural for you to lead.
Try and make friends with anyone you can. Even if at first these relationships seem shallow eventually you will meet someone who is as grateful to have you as a friend as you are for them.
Be open minded and more importantly stop caring about who you think you would like to be, how your friends see you etc and instead focus on who you are and what you want to do. University is a place where you can learn so much about yourself; so make the most of it.
The most important thing is not to write off people too quickly. I know there were some people I thought I got on well with at the beginning who I now see as only acquaintances and there are other people who I thought I had nothing in common with who I would consider friends. I'm not the most confident person and I'm quite shy and quiet but I always try to be friendly to people.
Many people are quite nervous about coming to uni and I noticed quite a few people put on an act during the first couple of weeks but they can never keep it up. There's no point trying to put on an act. Just be yourself. However, don't assume that just because people are interested in drinking or going out that they aren't capable of deep conversation.
I wouldn't stress too much about the housing situation. I know that I thought that everyone had already got their houses sorted just because two of my flatmates had already found houses. However, a lot of other people I've spoken to haven't even decided who they will be living with year. IT may sound like everyone had gotten something sorted except for you, but it most likely not the case.
Enjoy your christmas holidays. Don't pretend uni is the greatest thing since sliced bread, if you don't mean it. The last thing you want is to be putting on an act at home as well. Don't worry about houses and friends. Sometimes it just takes time.
Many people are quite nervous about coming to uni and I noticed quite a few people put on an act during the first couple of weeks but they can never keep it up. There's no point trying to put on an act. Just be yourself. However, don't assume that just because people are interested in drinking or going out that they aren't capable of deep conversation.
I wouldn't stress too much about the housing situation. I know that I thought that everyone had already got their houses sorted just because two of my flatmates had already found houses. However, a lot of other people I've spoken to haven't even decided who they will be living with year. IT may sound like everyone had gotten something sorted except for you, but it most likely not the case.
Enjoy your christmas holidays. Don't pretend uni is the greatest thing since sliced bread, if you don't mean it. The last thing you want is to be putting on an act at home as well. Don't worry about houses and friends. Sometimes it just takes time.
one of my friends from college has no friends at uni.
i think its a bit odd, frankly.
i dont talk about football, or shagging girls and im very unconfident too...
what happened with me was first few weeks you hang out in big groups, and then after that you start to see who you want as a proper friend..
maybe you could join some societies and meet some other like minded people?
i think its a bit odd, frankly.
i dont talk about football, or shagging girls and im very unconfident too...
what happened with me was first few weeks you hang out in big groups, and then after that you start to see who you want as a proper friend..
maybe you could join some societies and meet some other like minded people?
Well I'm not naturally an extrovert but I do enjoy other people's company. The thing is if you want to make friends then you can't expect them to do all the hard work. You sound like you're sitting around waiting for someone to talk to you about a subject that interests you. I haven't made any of my friends in this way. If you want to make friends you've got to find out a little bit about more common subjects of conversation. Would you go up to someone you didn't know and ask them what the meaning of life is? I wouldn't. You just start a chat or two about something more ordinary and mundane, then when you get to know the person better you'll find that the deep discussions sometimes happen. If it helps then watch match of the day or something and treat it like a weather forcast(Please pardon my swearing football fans) You remember details like Henry scored a good goal with that header or Liverpool beat sheffeild wednesday 5-0 then you have a fact or two to start a conversation with and you never know what tangent that conversation might end up at.
Three of my friends are already in the University im interested in. But they're social life is crazy compared to mine.
If i dont make friends in Uni, i'll go work. But i'd like a friend My god, dont we sound pathetic lol
If i dont make friends in Uni, i'll go work. But i'd like a friend
My god, dont we sound pathetic lolIn my experience, most unhappy young ppl. exhibit a fairly stable pattern of wrong views about themselves and/or their environment. This is what you need to know to completely alter your life --or as I call it, TSR Gudie to a Happier Life.
1.If you are not enjoying your life, then you have to change something about yourself or your environment. I know this is easier said than done, but it's the only way you can have a more enjoyable life. It will take you some time to figure out the causes of the problem, but once you figure it out, it will change your life entirely. So self-reflection is thus rule number one!
2. There is a right way for everything, and this includes making friends. If you can't make friends, then this is simply because you don't yet know how to make them. So once you have done some self-reflection on what it is you are doing wrong, spend some time on finding out the best way for you to make friends (just look at how others do it, if you need to). This might require quite a lot of behavioral change, but it needs to be done.
3. No one will like you until you like yourself. Or in other words, ppl will think of you what you think of yourself. If you think there is nothing wrong with you, chances are ppl will think this of you, and vice versa. So think very highly of yourself, and set high standards. If you don't like to talk about football or other superficial stuff, then don't do it, and don't apologize for it to yourself or anyone else. After all, who is authorized to make judgments about what is good or bad anyway? It is not about what you say or do, it is about staying 100% behind it. Believe me, it doesn't matter how odd you are; there will be at least a couple of ppl who will find you great. And those are the only once you need anyway. So confidence and self-respect are rule number 3, and the most important one.
4. Don't be intimidated by others, and always consider yourself equal. It doesn't matter how happy, popular or great others seem to be, they are never better than you. If this is the basis for your interactions with others, then they might like or dislike you, but they will always respect you. And this will boost your self-esteem.
5. Be independent. Friends are ppl you socialize with, but that doesn't mean you have to depend on them. You don't need to justify self-related things you do to anyone, including friends. After all, friends are supposed to make you feel better. If they get too much influence on your life, you will end up not doing exactly what you would like to, but instead find compromises. So be the final judge of you actions or inactions!
6. Be honest about how you feel toward others. If you are talking to someone and you think you feel neutral or even negative toward that person, then don't pretend otherwise. No one will be offended by that, and you won't feel awkward when meeting that person again, because there are no expectations/confusion on the other person's side.
Let me summarize that:
1. low self-esteem -> no or bad friends -> unhappy -> low self-esteem
2. high self-esteem -> good friends -> happy -> high self-esteem
It really depends on you which route to choose, and I strongly recommend the second one!
So stop feeling sorry about yourself and make the necessary changes!
1.If you are not enjoying your life, then you have to change something about yourself or your environment. I know this is easier said than done, but it's the only way you can have a more enjoyable life. It will take you some time to figure out the causes of the problem, but once you figure it out, it will change your life entirely. So self-reflection is thus rule number one!
2. There is a right way for everything, and this includes making friends. If you can't make friends, then this is simply because you don't yet know how to make them. So once you have done some self-reflection on what it is you are doing wrong, spend some time on finding out the best way for you to make friends (just look at how others do it, if you need to). This might require quite a lot of behavioral change, but it needs to be done.
3. No one will like you until you like yourself. Or in other words, ppl will think of you what you think of yourself. If you think there is nothing wrong with you, chances are ppl will think this of you, and vice versa. So think very highly of yourself, and set high standards. If you don't like to talk about football or other superficial stuff, then don't do it, and don't apologize for it to yourself or anyone else. After all, who is authorized to make judgments about what is good or bad anyway? It is not about what you say or do, it is about staying 100% behind it. Believe me, it doesn't matter how odd you are; there will be at least a couple of ppl who will find you great. And those are the only once you need anyway. So confidence and self-respect are rule number 3, and the most important one.
4. Don't be intimidated by others, and always consider yourself equal. It doesn't matter how happy, popular or great others seem to be, they are never better than you. If this is the basis for your interactions with others, then they might like or dislike you, but they will always respect you. And this will boost your self-esteem.
5. Be independent. Friends are ppl you socialize with, but that doesn't mean you have to depend on them. You don't need to justify self-related things you do to anyone, including friends. After all, friends are supposed to make you feel better. If they get too much influence on your life, you will end up not doing exactly what you would like to, but instead find compromises. So be the final judge of you actions or inactions!
6. Be honest about how you feel toward others. If you are talking to someone and you think you feel neutral or even negative toward that person, then don't pretend otherwise. No one will be offended by that, and you won't feel awkward when meeting that person again, because there are no expectations/confusion on the other person's side.
Let me summarize that:
1. low self-esteem -> no or bad friends -> unhappy -> low self-esteem
2. high self-esteem -> good friends -> happy -> high self-esteem
It really depends on you which route to choose, and I strongly recommend the second one!
So stop feeling sorry about yourself and make the necessary changes!
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