Worried about a very promiscuous friend.

As the title suggests, one of my uni friends has become extremely promiscuous over the past year, and she has literally been given such a negative reputation by others and people think she is a laughing stock.
This may sound very judgmental, but she went through a couple of problems a few years ago, such as an eating disorder, and alcohol problems, which understandably may have affected her behaviour.
She literally sleeps with somebody different every night out, without always using condoms, as she says they ruin the experience. She goes home with random men she has just met, and just appears to offer sex on a plate. She has on a couple of different occasions slept with guys who are taken, and also tried to further pursue them, despite knowing they are in relationships, one of them being her workmate's boyfriend, which is out of order.
When we meet up as a group, she will tell us the latest men she has been with and other details, and doesn't seem to give a toss what people think. In fact, she almost seems to be proud of it. She acts as though she can have any man she wants, and does not seem to care if they are taken. She has also had relationships in the past, but they ended badly and I feel sorry for her for that reason, and I also wonder if she does just want a relationship, but is going about it in the complete wrong way,
There are a large group of guys who we know, and she has had sex with half of them. The thing is, we are worried she is going to end up pregnant or with an STD due to not using adequate protection, and having drunken one-night stands constantly. People who hardly even know her have been calling her a 'slag' and such like, and she is always talking about and buying sex toys; I do not want to sound prudish but sometimes I cringe at what I am told by her. We are worried she is acting this way as some sort of coping mechanism, due to her own personal problems.
If the girlfriends of one of these guys she has slept with finds out, she will be in extremely big trouble, and it's just a shame how people see her as a joke due to how she acts. Are we being overly judgmental? We just care about her and do not want people to be laughing at her, or for her to get hurt/in trouble. What do people think?

Reply 1

FranticMind

Its her life don't interfere anymore than occasional advice. Otherwise your just meddling, I would make it clear you think its unsafe and leave it at that.

Just support her when she needs it.

Reply 2

noor momo

drop her number pls!!

Reply 3

miser

Offer advice, but ultimately people lead their own lives. There's nothing inherently wrong with being promiscuous and most of the prejudice we have against it is evolutionary and cultural. Be a good friend - give her your thoughts if it is worrying you but support don't judge her lifestyle choices.

Reply 4

Bones666

Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your husbands cos they be raping everybody out here.

There is no known cure for slagitus other than a stake to the heart or holy water.

Reply 5

coca

I used to have a friend like this. She had bipolar disorder. Maybe your friend has some mental issues.

Reply 6

deadsmurfette

I had a friend a bit like this (although it was always boyfriends she slept with, she just had a lot of them)
Now she's pregnant at 17 and will be changing nappies whilst we're at uni...
From experience i'd say you just have to let her make her own mistakes - we tried talking to my friend many times about birth control but she'd always laugh it off... since the pregnancy she actually seems a lot more mature anyway :tongue:

Reply 7

tehforum

Tell her to get checked out.

She must've got some sort of sti by now

Reply 8

Pindar

It's none of your business, and tbh this sounds mostly like jealousy.

I don't see why she would be a "joke"? Just because she sleeps around.

Just stop being judgemental about nothing and accept your friend.

Reply 9

creamegg1

Sounds like one of two things is happening...
either she is just living her life the way she wants to, and just wants to have fun or she is as you say using sex as a coping mechanism to try and stuff down everything that is really going on. Sounds like either way she has a bit of a sex addiction.

wizards sleeve.

Well in the end it's her choice, but it sounds like she's doing it just so she can brag about it. You don't need to disapprove on a moral basis, but can't you just make it clear that you don't want to hear about it cuz it grosses you out (personally I think it's trashy when people talk about their sex lives).

If she doesn't see any problem with being irresponsible with protection then don't think there's any way you'll be able to get her to come to her senses

Reply 12

mikeylfc1989

It sounds like she's just lovin' life...

Reply 13

Our_Lot

Original post by coca

I used to have a friend like this. She had bipolar disorder. Maybe your friend has some mental issues.

That's what I was thinking, especially given the other issues mentioned by the OP.

OP: It doesn't sound judgemental to think that; you sound concerned about your friend, which is only natural as she sounds like a vulnerable person who may be acting in this way for a number of psychological reasons. It could be a coping mechanism as you stated or maybe it gives her a feeling of self-worth that she doesn't feel she gets from elsewhere. It's hard to know how to handle a situation like this but I would advise you to stick with her and support her as best as you can, but beware that she may have some serious psychological issues that are best dealt with by a professional.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Honestly, we are not speaking of her in a spiteful manner at all, and it is not us who say she is a 'joke' but lads in town etc. who have made jokes about her behind her back. We know that it is entirely her choice to enjoy going out and have casual sex, we are not looking down upon her as otherwise would not have written this article. We are genuinely worried as she is a bright girl but has been through a hard time, and she has never implied that she wants a baby at the moment, so we don't want her to end up in a situation she didn't want to be in. Thank you for the advice, and in particular the last post was very understanding, the thing is if and when people do try to talk to her about being safe etc., she tends to take offence and become annoyed at the person. So people feel they're at a loose end.
So for the moment we will just try to support her if she seems down, but also try to boost her confidence when we can.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

As well if the guys are single then there is no problem, we were just also worried as she is knowingly going for taken guys, and we just didn't want her to get in trouble as a result of this if word got about, and give a bad impression for future relationships etc.

Reply 16

dungeonkeepr

I was headed down the route your friend has taken last year - though thankfully I lacked the confidence etc to get too far. The thing that really stopped me was a friend saying simply that she was worried about me. She said that she was glad that I was happy, but worried about me.

First I was all "why would she be worried about me?" Because nothing seemed that bad, until I really thought about it.

Try something like that, no more. That way, she has to think about why you are worried and it might help her to look at the turn her life has taken - people will not see the problem unless they find it themselves :smile: