LDR chat thread VIII

Original post by Jellybean91

I'm really sorry to hear that :hugs:

Can you give us any more info?? Whats happened? In what way does she not care? With what you've said all i'd say is you need to talk through with her whatevers on your mind!

Well, right now, I spent a lot of money to go see her in the summer. So this summer, she's meant to be coming over instead. So she's been trying to save up money, and at the rate she's going, if she saves every penny she get's she'll be $1000 short (which I'm now saving up extra for, for her). Yet, she goes on a 3 day mini holiday to another city near her college and spends over $100 there just like that. I was meant to be seeing her next Friday actually, but that got cancelled because she didn't have enough money for that.

Reply 1583

Flo[ProActiv]

Original post by Revent

Hey guys. The girl and I are at the verge of breaking up. I really don't want to, but I feel at times she just doesn't care about this anymore and it really bugs me. Can anyone give some advice please?

As Jelly said, what makes you think that she doesn't care about you?

I've had this with my boyfriend - I felt like he was ignoring me, and forgetting about me, but his way of dealing with things is to distract himself, which means that he sometimes ends up too distracted and forgets to text me. It's just one of those things we've had to deal with - he tries harder not to get too distracted, and I try to cut him some slack if he takes a while to reply.

EDIT: More :hugs:

Tell her how you feel. It probably just hasn't occured to her that by spending that money, you feel like prioritising other things over seeing you. Again, I had something a bit like that with the boy - he told me he was too tired to drive to mine on a Friday evening, and would drive up the next day, but then went out for a friend's brithday. To him, going out for an hour or two made no difference, whereas to me, it meant he was prioritising other things over me.

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ARG, I really want toast, but that means (a) getting out of bed and (b) using the grill cause our toaster is broken.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 1584

[QUOTE='Flo[ProActiv];34519555'] :hugs:

As Jelly said, what makes you think that she doesn't care about you?

I've had this with my boyfriend - I felt like he was ignoring me, and forgetting about me, but his way of dealing with things is to distract himself, which means that he sometimes ends up too distracted and forgets to text me. It's just one of those things we've had to deal with - he tries harder not to get too distracted, and I try to cut him some slack if he takes a while to reply.

Post above haha, just mentioned it.

Reply 1585

Flo[ProActiv]

Original post by Revent

Post above haha, just mentioned it.

Whoops, you must have posted as I typed. I've edited it now.

Reply 1586

Jellybean91

12

Original post by Revent

Well, right now, I spent a lot of money to go see her in the summer. So this summer, she's meant to be coming over instead. So she's been trying to save up money, and at the rate she's going, if she saves every penny she get's she'll be $1000 short (which I'm now saving up extra for, for her). Yet, she goes on a 3 day mini holiday to another city near her college and spends over $100 there just like that. I was meant to be seeing her next Friday actually, but that got cancelled because she didn't have enough money for that.

I agree with flo, I think she probably just doesn't even know how much this is upsetting you! Its really annoying when you think someone has time/money for everything except you, but I doubt thats whats going through her mind at all, so just tell her how its making you feel! :hugs:

Reply 1587

kiss_me_now9

16

Original post by jeh_jeh

Can I please join your club? When I left for the boy's on Friday, the kitchen was spotless. I'd cleaned the hob, done all the washing up, cleared the draining board and wiped the sides down. Fast-forward to yesterday afternoon, and the hob's a state, there's (clean) pans spilling off the draining board onto our already limited work tops, and a host of dirty stuff on every surface. Plus, the bin and recycling box were overflowing. There's only four of us. I don't understand!

There isn't even the excuse that these people are foreign, or not used to living away from home, or something. We're all final years (having been at university for three years already) and home students. I really need a polite way of suggesting, shock-horror, that there is no bin fairy who comes to empty it and replace the bag; that it's not that difficult to wipe the side down when you've made your cheese sandwich/toast so that the next person isn't in a deluge of dried out bits of grated cheese and stale breadcrumbs; that, okay, no one really wants to clean the hob when it's disgusting, but it wouldn't get so disgusting, may I suggest, if each person wiped it down after use. And, erm, guys, WE HAVE CUPBOARDS FOR A REASON.

HELP!

Bah, they sound awful :frown:

Gonna go see now if in the 4 hours that I've been out anything has changed. Wish me luck!

Reply 1588

[QUOTE='Flo[ProActiv];34519555'] :hugs:

As Jelly said, what makes you think that she doesn't care about you?

I've had this with my boyfriend - I felt like he was ignoring me, and forgetting about me, but his way of dealing with things is to distract himself, which means that he sometimes ends up too distracted and forgets to text me. It's just one of those things we've had to deal with - he tries harder not to get too distracted, and I try to cut him some slack if he takes a while to reply.

EDIT: More :hugs:

Tell her how you feel. It probably just hasn't occured to her that by spending that money, you feel like prioritising other things over seeing you. Again, I had something a bit like that with the boy - he told me he was too tired to drive to mine on a Friday evening, and would drive up the next day, but then went out for a friend's brithday. To him, going out for an hour or two made no difference, whereas to me, it meant he was prioritising other things over me.

----------

ARG, I really want toast, but that means (a) getting out of bed and (b) using the grill cause our toaster is broken.

Original post by Jellybean91

I agree with flo, I think she probably just doesn't even know how much this is upsetting you! Its really annoying when you think someone has time/money for everything except you, but I doubt thats whats going through her mind at all, so just tell her how its making you feel! :hugs:

I actually had been talking to her, and she got pissed off at me for mentioning it so I just gave up. Apparently, she has another one of these trips planned soon again. So I honestly don't know what to say to her.

Reply 1589

I'll go against the grain and say she knows but she doesn't know how to tell you that perhaps this isn't what she wants any more.
Just playing devil's advocate. Perhaps she's waiting for you to make a move?

Reply 1590

happydinosaur

Original post by Stray_talk

I'll go against the grain and say she knows but she doesn't know how to tell you that perhaps this isn't what she wants any more.
Just playing devil's advocate. Perhaps she's waiting for you to make a move?

That's what my ex did to me.

Reply 1591

Original post by happydinosaur

That's what my ex did to me.

Original post by Stray_talk

I'll go against the grain and say she knows but she doesn't know how to tell you that perhaps this isn't what she wants any more.
Just playing devil's advocate. Perhaps she's waiting for you to make a move?

Nah, she doesn't. Something happened between us (private) But I'm pretty certain that that isn't the case.

Reply 1592

happydinosaur

Original post by Revent

Nah, she doesn't. Something happened between us (private) But I'm pretty certain that that isn't the case.

That's something at least.

Reply 1593

Well it's kind of hard to give any advise without the whole picture, but it doesn't sound like an entirely happy arrangement. If you can't talk to her about it without her getting funny, what can you do?

Reply 1594

Original post by Stray_talk

Well it's kind of hard to give any advise without the whole picture, but it doesn't sound like an entirely happy arrangement. If you can't talk to her about it without her getting funny, what can you do?

No idea. You guys are the girls here so thought you'd know :p:

Reply 1595

kiss_me_now9

16

Original post by Revent

No idea. You guys are the girls here so thought you'd know :p:

Tell her straight... nothing worse than being on the receiving end of an out of the blue 'we're not working' talk.

Reply 1596

I think you have to make her listen.

Reply 1597

Original post by Stray_talk

I think you have to make her listen.

Original post by kiss_me_now9

Tell her straight... nothing worse than being on the receiving end of an out of the blue 'we're not working' talk.

I have done that. :p:

A few days ago actually. The day I said it, she said she went numb with shock and almost got kicked by a horse :eek:

So she's talking to me now, and she's scared, that because I'm not one of those guys that's scared to dump or break up, I'd dump her in the middle of her trip while she was here, and she'd be stranded there alone.

Reply 1598

Buecherwurm

Well you don't want to break up, do you? Tell her that you struggle and that while you understand it scares her you need to talk about it, as feeling resentful just doesn't work. I really think swallowing problems makes it worse and will endanger your relationship more than talking about it.

Reply 1599