The Student Room Group

How Good are these essays?

Hey everyone, i was wondering if anyone could give me a rough estimate on what grade these essays are at for higher modern studies and how i can improve them. If You think they are good feel free to use my examples and or structure and good luck tomorrow.

To what extent are the original aims of the welfare state still being met?

The welfare state was introduced by the government after the second world war in the 1940's. The beveradge report highlighted the "five giants" which were holding back british society; Want (Social depravation) Disease (healthcare) Squalor (housing) ignorance (education) and idleness (unemployment). The plan was to create care "from the cradle to the grave, the womb to the tomb".


the problem of poverty and depravation has long been tackled in the form of benefits from the government. These benefit such as income support and child tax credit which the government uses to give out support to families in certain circumstances. However the recent conservative plan has been to scrap the majority of benefits and instead hand out a "universal benefit" which will be a set amount of money low enough to encourage those on it to find work. It is estimated that £5.2bn a year is wrongly paid out as a result of fraud and error under the current system, however it will be the biggest overhaul of the benefits system since the 1940s. Therefore to a certain extent the original aims of the welfare state is being met.


Disease; the giant which deals with healthcare, took the form of the NHS (the national health service) Its original aims was for comprehensive care for everyone. However recently the conservatives have made plans to reform the NHS. The new model for the NHS based on choice, competition, payment by results. This is made more competitive by comparing each service against each other rather than the co-operative original structure of the NHS. However it will be cost saving and may also bring better service to some, and the comprehensive care will still be available. Therefore the original aims are to an extent, still being met


idleness, is the concern of unemployment. The benefits which deal with getting people back into work were the New deal, which encouraged employers to take on unemployed workers and National minimum wage to encourage more unemployed people to work. The conservatives new universal benefit will also encourage those to get back into work as it will result it many having their income from benefits reduced. The incapacity benefit is also being scrutinized and stricter testing for people claiming it will result in more people having to get back into work. This shows that the original aim of unemployment is still being met.


In conclusion, the five giants which were addressed by the beveridge report over 70 years ago are, to an certain extent, still being met today.




To what extent does local government provide an effective service for the people of scotland?


To what extent does local government provide an effective service for the people of scotland?

In 1996, local councils were restructured from two-tier authorities to 32 single tier councils. This was a costly procedure, however the number of councils was reduced. These 32 councils are very important to the lives of the people of scotland and it is also important that they bring an effective service to the population.

The reform in 1996 to produce larger, more cost effective councils, is said to have had a positive effect of efficiency in the administration of the councils. The large councils have the ability to run larger services, with less division, because of the reduced number of councils. However with the introduction of STV in 2007, many of the councils previously dominated by labour, are now forced into a coalition. Only 5 out of the 32 councils are now single party councils with the remaining 27 being coalition. This means that more compromises have to be made, improving democracy at the cost of efficiency.

In 1999 with the introduction of the Scottish parliament, councils now rely on the government at Holyrood to provide finance, and the scottish government now set targets for the councils to insure that they are "best value" and increase their effectiveness. However with devolution meaning that scotland is now more under the control of the Scottish parliament, many question the effectiveness and power of local government. For example, aberdeen council was overruled on their decision to not allow donald trump to build a new golf course by the scottish government. This shows a reduced effectiveness in the councils service to provide to the people of scotland.

Moreover, the scottish parliament has pre-moted the use of public -private partnerships (PPPs) for many council building programs in areas such as schools and housing. Many claim that this has reduced the control of councils in projects, For example the disastrous Edinburgh council's tram project, which relied on PPPs to control the creation, however missed various deadlines and was a financial nightmare.


In Conclusion, the reform in 1996 and the best value systems set up by the scottish government have improved the effectiveness of councils, however there is still many inefficiencies in the system which make the effectiveness of councils only to a certain extent.



:smile:
(edited 11 years ago)
Seem too short to be essays, and well done for pointing out the bloody obvious. I'd give them a fail.
Reply 2
Original post by umop apisdn
Seem too short to be essays, and well done for pointing out the bloody obvious. I'd give them a fail.


how should i improve them?
Original post by Connor Wyse
how should i improve them?


Use sources, have opposing views, actually make intelligent arguments without assuming the reader is a moron who doesn't know what the NHS is...
Reply 4
Original post by umop apisdn
Use sources, have opposing views, actually make intelligent arguments without assuming the reader is a moron who doesn't know what the NHS is...


what are sources? i do have opposing views. im not sure when i assumed the reader is a moron?
Reply 5
Original post by Connor Wyse
what are sources? i do have opposing views. im not sure when i assumed the reader is a moron?


You didn't, I think - because in the case of umop apisdn the reader is a moron- she hasn't considered the level at which the essays are being pitched.

For higher modern studies they're alright. Very short though.
They're pretty decent. Probably a solid B. Look to make more use of statistics and separate out your pros and cons a bit better.


You don't need sources by the way.
Reply 7
Original post by Norton1
You didn't, I think - because in the case of umop apisdn the reader is a moron- she hasn't considered the level at which the essays are being pitched.

For higher modern studies they're alright. Very short though.


yea they are higher i done them in 20 minutes each this morning so i wasn't at my best. what would you recommend i could add to improve the mark?
Reply 8
Original post by Mr Dangermouse
They're pretty decent. Probably a solid B. Look to make more use of statistics and separate out your pros and cons a bit better.


You don't need sources by the way.


ok thanks, ill get memorizing all my facts i have written down. ill hopefully be better tomorrow, i prefer writing than typing :smile:
There are a number of spelling and grammar errors in those essays, fixing those might get you a few extra percent.
Reply 10
Original post by Forum User
There are a number of spelling and grammar errors in those essays, fixing those might get you a few extra percent.


your right, but i am a bad speller and in the rush of an exam i tend to get worse.
Original post by Forum User
There are a number of spelling and grammar errors in those essays, fixing those might get you a few extra percent.


I would doubt it. It's modies, as long as the marker understands what you're saying you'll get the marks.
Original post by umop apisdn
Seem too short to be essays, and well done for pointing out the bloody obvious. I'd give them a fail.


Original post by umop apisdn
Use sources, have opposing views, actually make intelligent arguments without assuming the reader is a moron who doesn't know what the NHS is...


You can give constructive criticism without being such an abhorrent bitch.
(edited 11 years ago)
The welfare state was introduced by the government after the second world war in the 1940's. The beveradge report highlighted the "five giants" which were holding back british society; Want (Social depravation) Disease (healthcare) Squalor (housing) ignorance (education) and idleness (unemployment). The plan was to create care "from the cradle to the grave, the womb to the tomb".
'The welfare state was introduced by the LABOUR government of ... post ww2''

The Welfare state was seen as a way of tackling the 5, main, giants of poverty that were highlighted in the Beveridge Report...

Maybe mention NHS, DWP ...?

This essay will examin to what extent original aims are being met...


the problem of poverty and depravation has long been tackled in the form of benefits from the government. These benefit such as income support and child tax credit which the government uses to give out support to families in certain circumstances. However the recent conservative plan has been to scrap the majority of benefits and instead hand out a "universal benefit" which will be a set amount of money low enough to encourage those on it to find work. It is estimated that £5.2bn a year is wrongly paid out as a result of fraud and error under the current system, however it will be the biggest overhaul of the benefits system since the 1940s. Therefore to a certain extent the original aims of the welfare state is being met.


Disease; the giant which deals with healthcare, took the form of the NHS (the national health service) Its original aims was for comprehensive care for everyone. However recently the conservatives have made plans to reform the NHS. The new model for the NHS based on choice, competition, payment by results. This is made more competitive by comparing each service against each other rather than the co-operative original structure of the NHS. However it will be cost saving and may also bring better service to some, and the comprehensive care will still be available. Therefore the original aims are to an extent, still being met


Touch on the simple meanings of comprehensive, bring in private care ad how it means the rich have less to wait, postcode lottery, higher cancer survival rates in some areas (doesn't meet 'equality' aim of NHS) and bring in lower life expectancies etc here, and how charges of dental, prescriptions were introduced (not free)
idleness, is the concern of unemployment. The benefits which deal with getting people back into work were the New deal, which encouraged employers to take on unemployed workers and National minimum wage to encourage more unemployed people to work. The conservatives new universal benefit will also encourage those to get back into work as it will result it many having their income from benefits reduced. The incapacity benefit is also being scrutinized and stricter testing for people claiming it will result in more people having to get back into work. This shows that the original aim of unemployment is still being met.
Reply 14
Original post by umop apisdn
Use sources, have opposing views, actually make intelligent arguments without assuming the reader is a moron who doesn't know what the NHS is...


You sometimes need to spell things out in excruciatingly simple terms to get the mark. We were always told to imagine that the marker knows nothing about the subject, to make sure that we explain everything. At university level, I would agree with you, but for higher modern studies I think you should explain things in basic terms as part of your argument.
Sorry my laptop messed up :

The welfare state was introduced by the government after the second world war in the 1940's. The beveradge report highlighted the "five giants" which were holding back british society; Want (Social depravation) Disease (healthcare) Squalor (housing) ignorance (education) and idleness (unemployment). The plan was to create care "from the cradle to the grave, the womb to the tomb".
'The welfare state was introduced by the LABOUR government of ... post ww2''

The Welfare state was seen as a way of tackling the 5, main, giants of poverty that were highlighted in the Beveridge Report...

Maybe mention NHS, DWP ...?

This essay will examin to what extent original aims are being met...


the problem of poverty and depravation has long been tackled in the form of benefits from the government. These benefit such as income support and child tax credit which the government uses to give out support to families in certain circumstances. However the recent conservative plan has been to scrap the majority of benefits and instead hand out a "universal benefit" which will be a set amount of money low enough to encourage those on it to find work. It is estimated that £5.2bn a year is wrongly paid out as a result of fraud and error under the current system, however it will be the biggest overhaul of the benefits system since the 1940s. Therefore to a certain extent the original aims of the welfare state is being met.


DWP, changes to Child tax credit recently, Winter fuel payments have been lower too £200 from £250 this attacks those on fixed incomes

EMA rates

Disease; the giant which deals with healthcare, took the form of the NHS (the national health service) Its original aims was for comprehensive care for everyone. However recently the conservatives have made plans to reform the NHS. The new model for the NHS based on choice, competition, payment by results. This is made more competitive by comparing each service against each other rather than the co-operative original structure of the NHS. However it will be cost saving and may also bring better service to some, and the comprehensive care will still be available. Therefore the original aims are to an extent, still being met



Touch on the simple meanings of comprehensive,
bring in private care ad how it means the rich have less to wait, postcode lottery, higher cancer survival rates in some areas (doesn't meet 'equality' aim of NHS) and bring in lower life expectancies etc here, and how charges of dental, prescriptions were introduced (not free)

Bring in some failures.


idleness, is the concern of unemployment. The benefits which deal with getting people back into work were the New deal, which encouraged employers to take on unemployed workers and National minimum wage to encourage more unemployed people to work. The conservatives new universal benefit will also encourage those to get back into work as it will result it many having their income from benefits reduced. The incapacity benefit is also being scrutinized and stricter testing for people claiming it will result in more people having to get back into work. This shows that the original aim of unemployment is still being met.

JSA and its rates

Cons of the new budget? It'd be better to lower rising childcare to get mothers into work rather than lower benefits that will hit vulnerable... how much cut ? est £81bn this government and £18 bn (i think) the the Welfare state by 2015


Bring in some of these examples, sorry my school doesn't do the other topic.
Reply 16
Original post by Melancholymelody
Sorry my laptop messed up :

The welfare state was introduced by the government after the second world war in the 1940's. The beveradge report highlighted the "five giants" which were holding back british society; Want (Social depravation) Disease (healthcare) Squalor (housing) ignorance (education) and idleness (unemployment). The plan was to create care "from the cradle to the grave, the womb to the tomb".
'The welfare state was introduced by the LABOUR government of ... post ww2''

The Welfare state was seen as a way of tackling the 5, main, giants of poverty that were highlighted in the Beveridge Report...

Maybe mention NHS, DWP ...?

This essay will examin to what extent original aims are being met...


the problem of poverty and depravation has long been tackled in the form of benefits from the government. These benefit such as income support and child tax credit which the government uses to give out support to families in certain circumstances. However the recent conservative plan has been to scrap the majority of benefits and instead hand out a "universal benefit" which will be a set amount of money low enough to encourage those on it to find work. It is estimated that £5.2bn a year is wrongly paid out as a result of fraud and error under the current system, however it will be the biggest overhaul of the benefits system since the 1940s. Therefore to a certain extent the original aims of the welfare state is being met.


DWP, changes to Child tax credit recently, Winter fuel payments have been lower too £200 from £250 this attacks those on fixed incomes

EMA rates

Disease; the giant which deals with healthcare, took the form of the NHS (the national health service) Its original aims was for comprehensive care for everyone. However recently the conservatives have made plans to reform the NHS. The new model for the NHS based on choice, competition, payment by results. This is made more competitive by comparing each service against each other rather than the co-operative original structure of the NHS. However it will be cost saving and may also bring better service to some, and the comprehensive care will still be available. Therefore the original aims are to an extent, still being met



Touch on the simple meanings of comprehensive,
bring in private care ad how it means the rich have less to wait, postcode lottery, higher cancer survival rates in some areas (doesn't meet 'equality' aim of NHS) and bring in lower life expectancies etc here, and how charges of dental, prescriptions were introduced (not free)

Bring in some failures.


idleness, is the concern of unemployment. The benefits which deal with getting people back into work were the New deal, which encouraged employers to take on unemployed workers and National minimum wage to encourage more unemployed people to work. The conservatives new universal benefit will also encourage those to get back into work as it will result it many having their income from benefits reduced. The incapacity benefit is also being scrutinized and stricter testing for people claiming it will result in more people having to get back into work. This shows that the original aim of unemployment is still being met.

JSA and its rates

Cons of the new budget? It'd be better to lower rising childcare to get mothers into work rather than lower benefits that will hit vulnerable... how much cut ? est £81bn this government and £18 bn (i think) the the Welfare state by 2015


Bring in some of these examples, sorry my school doesn't do the other topic.




sounds good thanks, forgot about EMA and winter fuel, nice facts there also. thanks allot

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending