Sorry, but no

How would I politely decline a guy (who I'm vaguely friends with but not really) who has asked me out on a date? I've left it quite a while since he called me so I feel bad, but I'm trying not to be mean and I'm definitely not going out with him.

Reply 1

apricot

10

can i ask why u won't go out with him? maybe you can go out just as friends so it wouldn't be as harsh as rejecting him just like that? i think it kinda makes it worse that you left it a long time before telling him but i guess its a hard decision.

Reply 2

Sezkin

11

dede

How would I politely decline a guy (who I'm vaguely friends with but not really) who has asked me out on a date? I've left it quite a while since he called me so I feel bad, but I'm trying not to be mean and I'm definitely not going out with him.

Well I've been in the same situation as you. One of my guy mates asked me out, and yes I didn't feel attracted to him.. I've decided to give him a chance and see what's he's like on dates... the date happened yesterday, it was quite funny, he told me I was witty and stuff and fed me loads of complements. But I told him by the end of it that I thought he's a great friend and I think it would be for the best. I didn't feel any attraction at all... He'd got the hints and thought it was cool.

So why don't you just enjoy yourself with him and see what he's like on dates, and if you're def not attracted to him just tell him as the date ends, that he's been a great friend and give him a BIG FRIENDLY HUG. just take the date as a friends thing.

:suith:

Sezkin

Reply 3

AT82

Just say you don't have time for all that lark at the moment due to studying. Or say your dad is very strict and shoots your boyfriends.

Reply 4

foxo

17

Doesn't it occur to any of you girls that the whole reason he might have tried to become your friend was for the purpose of asking you out?

I agree with Sezkin

OP

There's a variety of reasons why I won't go out with him - I'm not attracted to him and he's really awkward. Gah I know it makes it worse that I haven't called back yet, it was such an awkward situation that he asked me out in that I promptly forgot and have only recently remembered.

And it's summer, so the study excuse doesn't work. The gun idea is my best bet so far ...

Reply 7

dede

OP

11

Nah we're not that good of friends.

Reply 8

dede

OP

11

foxo

Doesn't it occur to any of you girls that the whole reason he might have tried to become your friend was for the purpose of asking you out?

Es posible. Hm.

Reply 9

Sezkin

11

foxo

Doesn't it occur to any of you girls that the whole reason he might have tried to become your friend was for the purpose of asking you out?

No...

Us girls are not that good at taking in hints. :p:

Sezkin

Reply 10

white_haired_wizard

16

dede

How would I politely decline a guy (who I'm vaguely friends with but not really) who has asked me out on a date? I've left it quite a while since he called me so I feel bad, but I'm trying not to be mean and I'm definitely not going out with him.

Just say, "Thankyou, i'm flattered" then say the reason why, without sounding too brutal...

Make sure, you say something to this effect before giving an explanation for your 'turning him down' as such.

Reply 11

cinder

10

dede

How would I politely decline a guy (who I'm vaguely friends with but not really) who has asked me out on a date? I've left it quite a while since he called me so I feel bad, but I'm trying not to be mean and I'm definitely not going out with him.

I've been in this situation, its bloody awkward isn't it. I didn't handle it so well, I ignored it and pretended it never happened...don't do that.

Reply 12

dede

OP

11

Thanks for the help guys. It's the explanation part that worries me though. What would I say, "I'm not attracted to you"? "You're awkward"? No, of course not.

Ahaha cinder, that's fully what I've been doing so far. Basically I'm going to get vilified by his friends no matter what I do.

Reply 13

white_haired_wizard

16

dede

Thanks for the help guys. It's the explanation part that worries me though. What would I say, "I'm not attracted to you"? "You're awkward"? No, of course not.

Ahaha cinder, that's fully what I've been doing so far. Basically I'm going to get vilified by his friends no matter what I do.

If in doubt, just lie, and say you have a love interest. Don't say something negative about the person in question...

Anything so as to not offend. If the guy doesn't know you too well, he won't really know whether or not you do have this 'love interest'. A lie in your instance really could ease matters, without offending anyone involved.

Reply 14

cinder

10

Tell him you're so sorry but you're busy for the next few months...washing your hair.
J
ust be honest in the nicest way possible, I don't think of you that way, I'd prefer if we'd just stay friends...the generic terms for i don't want to

Reply 15

Sezkin

11

dede

How would I politely decline a guy (who I'm vaguely friends with but not really) who has asked me out on a date? I've left it quite a while since he called me so I feel bad, but I'm trying not to be mean and I'm definitely not going out with him.

Well don't leave it too late, just tell him how you feel rather than leaving it; he might be thinking 'oh she could be busy, I'll ring her later...' Not many people are good at taking in hints. So if you tell him how you feel, he'll accept the fact that you're not interested and move on. Come on, he had the gut to ask you out, now you'll have to have the gut to tell him how you feel.

EXAMPLES YOU COULD SAY:

' I'm very flattered but I prefer being good friends with you'

' You're a great person but I'm not really interested in a relationship just yet'

' You're a lovely person but I have a boyfriend already'

Just don't try and lower his confidence.

:suith:

Sezkin

Reply 16

dede

OP

11

Good idea (EDIT: originally at the wizard guy, but the washing hair for a month part was funny too and Sezkin had a good list so now I have a lot to choose from!)- thanks! I might do that. I'm a little worried as my community is really small and everybody knows everything about everybody else and there is in fact a "love interest" as you so tactfully put it. But it's a secret and if I tell him this people will try harder to find out who it is. And it's too scandalous for it to be kept quiet if anybody finds out.

No, I'm making this too complicated. I think I'll call him this afternoon and use this excuse. Danke!

Reply 17

white_haired_wizard

16

cinder

Tell him you're so sorry but you're busy for the next few months...washing your hair.
J
ust be honest in the nicest way possible, I don't think of you that way, I'd prefer if we'd just stay friends...the generic terms for i don't want to

I disagree, honesty isn't always the soundest option. A good lie doesn't hurt :smile:

Is there really a nice nice of saying, for example, 'you're not really my type'?? Likely, no. 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder', sure, but to be told that you aren't physically/personality endearing still hurts, irrespective of rationality along this 'beauty in eye of beholder' philosophy....

Lie but think carefully about it, so that lie is not easy to disprove et cetera...don't make it too hard for yourself to maintain the lie for example :wink: