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I need help :'(

Ok people...me and my bf went out for 5 years...were planning to get engaged although im still a bit young (22) and hes 26 but now hes found someone else and doesnt want anything to do with me, wont return my calls and is getting engaged to the other girl, who he has only known for 2 yrs! :eek:

shes from america and was here throughout the summer, and as they are family friends they started meeting up a lot...and they fell in love...and i only got to know about it 3 weeks before my bday when he had planned to propose to me and had bought me a ring! im heartbroken! i loved my bf! we were best friends and we had lots of arguments all the time but we were still together! i sacrificed so much for him...i dont know what to do! i've started self harming myself and i know its wrong but im so depressed. all my friends say the same thing..."hes an idiot, its his loss" but HELLO PEOPLE?! I dont think i can even move on because the whole world knew about us...who will want me now? im not a virgin anymore when i had promised myself to save myself before marriage....ARGGHHHH! i need some advice from strangers and i even want some professional help without being put on anti-depressants but who do i turn to?

Reply 1

username47781

20

What he has done to you is an absolute disgrace, he has run off with someone else when he is engaged to you, i would cut all contact as hard as it is because what this guy has done to you is ruin your life, betrayed your trust, after giving so much clearly he didn't see how much you gave most likely because he didn't want to.

I would not go into another relationship for a while yet and maybe have a night out with your friends, but if it goes wrong for him and he comes crying back to you, do not take him back after that, sorry i sound like i'm ranting but i think it's disgusting what hes done and he has given us guys a bad name.

your friends are speaking the truth it is his loss.

Reply 2

generalebriety

16

Agreed with Carl1982. Just a small point though - you're kidding yourself if you think 2 years is a short time.

Reply 3

sahsum

13

Surround yourself with your friends, keep busy, realise that this guy was way out of line and believe in yourself.

Reply 4

username47781

20

I think if ever you come face to face with him don't show your upset because thats what he wants, show that your happier without him and it should crush him.

Reply 5

Eshwe

He's not worth your tears. Think of it this way, the fact you escaped before such a commitment shows you on a higher ground, think about this girl whose now got such scum as a fiance.
Plus 22 isn't young for engagment :3 I'm 18 lol.

Seriously, learn from it and don't dwell, no need to be sad over someone who hurt you so badly, be happy you're not locked down with kids or something.

The reason why you're depressed is because it is quite an awful thing to happen and it's not that common. It's natural to be upset so you should take some time out and let it out and think about what I've just said. I'm not suggesting just forget about it as that's impossible I'm sure =<

Hope you feel better.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

i know what y'all are trying to say but its difficult for me to just forget the love of my life like that...i know hes been an absolute dick but i still love him to bits...hes done so much for me...i was so desperate that i tried seducing him over the phone last nite, and that used to work in the past when he was angry at me but it didnt work last nite...he said he loves this other girl too much, and whereas he only just mentioned his parents to me before we both decided we wanted to get engaged, hes already decided that he is going to get engaged to this girl and this girl only and will tell his parents about her... i cant stop thinking about him...i cant stand being single...when im bored as all my friends are on holiday, im just crying!! i just finished my Biomedical Sciences degree and got a first class and got an offer into Medicine away from home now and my family is proud of me but i dont think i can cope now...and whats more humiliating is that everybody knew about him...i mean come on, we were about to be engaged!! what do i tell everyone...that he just dumped me for someone else? i'm indian too, which makes it worse because people talk and judge and bitch! noone will accept me for marriage now...

Reply 7

ladyportacabin

8

I know it must be hard, that you feel used and horrible but you've had a lucky escape. He's a cheat, and if it didn't happen now it may have happened 10 years into your marriage.

You've got a great career and a great life ahead of you. Medicine, that's just amazing. You must be really smart.

As for the virginity thing... i'm pretty sure it wouldn't bother a lot of people. It was only one guy in a long term relationship. If it's really an issue, there is a procedure you can have to restore your hymen.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

ladyportacabin

I know it must be hard, that you feel used and horrible but you've had a lucky escape. He's a cheat, and if it didn't happen now it may have happened 10 years into your marriage.

You've got a great career and a great life ahead of you. Medicine, that's just amazing. You must be really smart.

As for the virginity thing... i'm pretty sure it wouldn't bother a lot of people. It was only one guy in a long term relationship. If it's really an issue, there is a procedure you can have to restore your hymen.

Its only an issue because everyone knows about it...as i've mentioned, i am indian and i was expected to marry this guy, and because i havent, ppl will judge me and bitch about me a lot... i dont know how to face anyone...and also can someone PLEASE give me some advice on how can i resist contact with him? one friend of mine just said "just dont call him" but its just so damn hard to do that when i want him back....and can anyone tell me anyplace that i can go or even call where i can speak to someone professional without getting put on anti-depressants and where it can remain confidential?

Reply 9

El Scotto

15

Anonymous

who will want me now?[ im not a virgin anymore

well now you're not a virgin nobody will want you and you'll be left on the shelf for the rest of your life. You're going to have to go get one of those operations which 'puts back' your virginity and then lie to whomever meets you instead, unless you become a nun or something :rolleyes:

Seriously though, You should be happy about all of this...

You haven't wasted years on a marriage that was doomed to failiure.

You haven't got any kids that you have to worry about supporting.

AND you can still get married in a church, in white... to whomever you meet in the future and does love ya.

Reply 10

Helenia

20

Anonymous

Its only an issue because everyone knows about it...as i've mentioned, i am indian and i was expected to marry this guy, and because i havent, ppl will judge me and bitch about me a lot... i dont know how to face anyone...and also can someone PLEASE give me some advice on how can i resist contact with him? one friend of mine just said "just dont call him" but its just so damn hard to do that when i want him back....and can anyone tell me anyplace that i can go or even call where i can speak to someone professional without getting put on anti-depressants and where it can remain confidential?

The Samaritans. 08457 909090

As for resisting contact, there isn't much more advice or magic tricks we can give. Maybe if you divide up the time it might help - just think "I am not going to call him for the next hour," no matter how much you want to, and then get to the end of that hour and say to yourself "OK, I have survived one hour, I can manage to not call him for another hour," and so on, building up your resistance.

From what you've said, it seems his mind is made up. He has treated you badly, but he is not going to go back. He is with this new girl now and you making pathetic attempts at seduction or begging is not going to change his mind. It will only make him think worse of you. And of course, if you really, really love him, you will want him to be happy. Is it him you love, or the stability of being in a relationship? Either way, he is gone, and you have to let him go. Single life is not going to be easy to adjust to, but millions of people manage it.

You've got a great future ahead of you, with a good degree and a medical school place. You are bound to meet people who will be less judgemental over the fact you have had one relationship before, and who will still accept you. Embrace your new opportunities (without just trying to find a new boyfriend straight away) and concentrate on becoming a strong, independent person who doesn't need a cheating ratbag for security.

Reply 11

Consie

15

What ever you do, you're just going to have to accept your gonna feel like **** for about another 2 weeks/month. However, getting back into contact with him will just make things even messier and drag out your pain because it doesn’t work in situations like yours. It's hard to take advice from people who aren’t in your situation; I often find it irritating myself, but its often the most sensible advice. That is damn bad what he did to you. On the positive side, you’re in the lowest of troughs at the moment, so things can only get vastly, vastly better. It's an awesome career you've got lined up, one so many try and fail to make it into. No matter how much you don’t think you'll get over him, millions and millions of people have managed it in the past. Its just one of those really crap experiences that is almost inevitable in modern life, and its also an opportunity to strengthen yourself, as no matter how cheesy it sounds, you will be stronger and more experienced because of this very unfortunate incident. As others have said, count yourself lucky you didn’t marry him.

Getting rid of everything that reminds you of him, especially things that provoke fond memories etc. That’s probably the best starting point. Going to the gym or running, or doing other things you enjoy to fill up your day will be the best way to get over him in my opinion. Going out with your mates is always a bonus too, providing you’ve got decent, unbitchy mates.

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

I've been in a similiar position before and i'm also indian which can make matters alot more difficult because of our culture.

My breakthrough came when i began to hate my ex. It's all easy to say "you should be happy for them". That's a huge slap in the face if your ex ever thinks like that because why should you? He betrayed you so much and you shouldn't be happy for them imo. In my position... there were times where i was happy for my ex but that didn't make me feel any better, in fact it made it alot worse for me. The way i got through it was when she did something really sly which i found out when i held out a week without phoning her and i then cut off all contact eg blocking her on msn and stuff. I feel so much better like this, i hate her so much and when i begin to think of good thoughts about her i quickly think of all the bad stuff.

1 thing is important though, don't ring him. I phoned my ex so many times, i regret it so much now but looking back at it, it was emotionaly impossible for me not to do. I just wished i spoke to someone who was going through something similiar so they can understand me and made me feel like i wasn't the only person who got ****ed over.

In time it'll get better though!

Reply 13

glaucon

8

most psychiatrists would speak to you without putting you on anti-depressants and they can never force you to take them if you don't want, so it might be worth going.
It'll take time, but no one can take away the fact that your still a loveable human and a unique special person. He didn't deserve you if he treated you like that. You can get through this and come out better for it. Take care. Do something that'll make you smile and feel good about yourself. :smile:

I need help :'(

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