This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

How can you mend a broken heart?

Just need someone to talk to right now.

To cut a long story short...I cheated on a friend with her boyfriend. Yes, horrible thing to do. I know. I know it takes two to kiss but I was chased into it. I had been single for ages and fell for it easily. He gave me the impression that he wanted me and promised he'd break up with her. He didn't. We can't be together because ''he owes her too much''. So, he's with her. And I'm alone once again. The speed at which he's gotten over me shocks me. It's a month and he's back to being madly in love with her. And I still wait online for him all day, every single day. We're on holiday so we can't see each other right now.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I don't know if I want him because I'm lonely. I don't know if I hate her because she's with him. I feel guilty all the time so it feels like I deserve all of this. I'm so lonely right now and it annoys me that he seems to be going through no pain. They're both online right now and are probably coothie-cooing. I'm so jealous because I don't have anyone to do that with and angry that I seem to have been disposed of quite easily. It feels like I'm the only one suffering.

Just need to talk to someone. I've been trying to get over him all summer. I thought I was but then I see him online and he doesn't initiate conversation and ignores me if I do. And then later on pretends that he was away.

Hate this. I also feel like I'm going to have to pay the price of doing that to my friend by being single for the rest of my life and yet.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

you deserve it, you cheated, your fault...

Reply 2

HighlyEvolved

1

shut it Anon #2. the green eyed monster is the most cruel of them all. let him go, time will heal.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

He cheated too.

And I don't see him suffering

Reply 4

Clarence

14

I have to agree with the above poster. (anon #2)...you will have to deal with what you have done.

Reply 5

LadyEnglish

2

Unlike some I symptahise with you, when you're in severe depths of lonliness sometimes you're blinded by it, and you grab hold of any attention. Unfortunately you found it in slightly the wrong place, but it doesnt mean you have to punish yourself. You had a need that you fulfilled, it just so happens it was fulfilled with consequences but I wouldn't feel ridiculously bad. It seems to me he instigated the cheating. If anything, instead of beating yourself up and feeling guilty, you need to feel sorry for your friend! She's with a boy that obviously is not devoted to her, and there's nothing to say he won't do it again. You need to tell her what you did and hope she will understand if she is a true friend. You'll punish yourself more if you let her continue in her relationship and further on down the line this boy does the same and she's badly hurt. You'll end up disliking the fact you didn't warn her sooner. Yes she'll more than likely be angry, but with time friends understand.
I can see why you still feel attached to this boy when he's online, its almost like he was your 'saviour' when you felt really low and alone. Now he's left you, it's obviously a big shock, he inveigled you into thinking there was a light at the end of the tunnell - you would be with him - and then he deceived you, you should be seriously disliking this boy, not pining for him. He doesn't seem like a genuinely nice person, and is seeing how far he can push you and your friends limits before you feel the moral right to tell her what you did. Don't let this boy get what he wants by wanting him. You need to tell her what happened, let him get what's coming, taste your own medicine and move on. Good luck with everything xxx

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

what have i done? im just giving my opinion as a random poster....p.s. yes i agree he cheated too, so both deserve evil!!!!! hahahahaha...sorry about the laugh

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

dont feel so lonely, dont feel so bad, ive never even kissed a girl and it wrecks my head, especially as i lack the friends to help me out with the situation, be thankful anyone liked you in the first place, but it takes 2 and all that, i really dont have simpathy for people in situations like this

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

It's quite unfortunate. I'm living with both of them and a couple more other friends at uni next year. She was talking to me one day and said that she didn't want to know if her boyfriend had cheated on her. Took that as a hint and decided that I'd tell her if I caught him cheating on her again.

It seems like I came at a bad point in their relationship. Lucky me.

I know he's the bad guy here but I feel like breaking something when I see her. That's very *****ed up, I know. I found myself scribbling onto their pictures together on Paint today. Seems like I'm all out to break them up but I'm not. I gave her impartial advice when she was looking for help about him. I just feel like such an idiot. Jeez.

Anyway, not having any of this rubbish. Ignoring them will be difficult next year but there's not much I can do.

Reply 9

LadyEnglish

2

If you're friend is happy to be with someone who cheats on her, divides a friendship and doesn't make her happy then that's her perogative. It's easy to envy her and hate him but both those feelings wont help you personally. It will be hard to avoid them but just try and make some non coupled friends and try if you can to maintain some frienship with this friend until she realises this boy is not for her xxx

Superglue.

OP

LadyEnglish

If you're friend is happy to be with someone who cheats on her, divides a friendship and doesn't make her happy then that's her perogative. It's easy to envy her and hate him but both those feelings wont help you personally. It will be hard to avoid them but just try and make some non coupled friends and try if you can to maintain some frienship with this friend until she realises this boy is not for her xxx

Thanks. Helpful words. I've said them to myself so many times. It's just difficult to stick to it when I see him being so lovey-dovey towards her. And she gets happy about it and boasts about it to me. It's not even real.

Anyway, I'll just have to stick around and look for superglue. :smile:

Reply 12

Shady05

1

Time is a great healer

It also helps if you concentrate on someone else rather than him, go for someone else!

Reply 13

Chumbaniya

17

Anonymous

you deserve it, you cheated, your fault...

A good demonstration of the moronically simplistic 'cheaters deserve anything they get' approach to relationships. Why is it I see cheating, no matter in what form - from a prolonged sexual relationship behind someone's back to a drunken snog - treated like a capital crime which renders a person totally undeserving of any happiness?

Reply 14

Vas Deferens

With sticky back tape and pipe cleaners

Reply 15

Vas Deferens

But from reading your story you need to have a heart before you can break one

Serves you right :biggrin:

Reply 16

Zlatan

1

I'd say a bit of PVA glue.

Reply 17

Rusty33

Chumbaniya

A good demonstration of the moronically simplistic 'cheaters deserve anything they get' approach to relationships. Why is it I see cheating, no matter in what form - from a prolonged sexual relationship behind someone's back to a drunken snog - treated like a capital crime which renders a person totally undeserving of any happiness?

Typical words of someone who has been there.

And, for the rest of us who, despite the stigma carried with certain types of people, stay true regardless of the situation? You explain to me how people who have the strength to exercise the mental and emotional strength against the temptation deserve the same level of credibility and clout as those who don't?

Oh, I'm sorry. When you blindside someone with an action like that, you should just get a free pass. I mean, after all, you're human, you make mistakes, right? Right. And, every mistake comes with a consequence, and hers is the guilt that should eat at her for doing what she did to a friend.

---------------------------------

You are solely responsible for the feelings that you feel. I'm sure it's hard. No one is going to argue with that. But, if you jump off a building and break your leg because it looked like it might be fun, even though you knew you'd get hurt, you deserve what you get. Even worse is that you expected your friend’s boyfriend to leave her for you.

The only person I feel bad for is your friend. I don’t know you, and I don’t know her, but it sounds to me like she was in a relationship that meant something to her, and your jeopardized it because you can’t control your emotions.

The last thing you can do to redeem yourself as a person is to come clean for her. If you care about her, you want her to know that her boyfriend would do something like that to her. Even if it means you lose her as a friend. You know she deserves better than him, and you should let her have the choice of trying to do just that.

You’ve already done what was wrong. Now do what is right.

Reply 18

generalebriety

16

Chumbaniya

A good demonstration of the moronically simplistic 'cheaters deserve anything they get' approach to relationships. Why is it I see cheating, no matter in what form - from a prolonged sexual relationship behind someone's back to a drunken snog - treated like a capital crime which renders a person totally undeserving of any happiness?

Agreed entirely.

OP: leave them to it. He clearly doesn't care about her, and she is as blinded as you if she doesn't want to know if he's cheated on her (and she clearly only said that because she suspects something - not necessarily that he's cheated with you, or that he's cheated at all, but she seems to know she can't trust him). Forget all this rubbish about "you cheated, so you can rot in hell" - he instigated it and, if anything, I'd say it was more his responsibility than yours to make sure he wasn't cheating on his girlfriend (although I'm sure people will disagree with me there). If he couldn't be arsed to stop himself, then what you did still isn't nice, but in terms of what he has done to that relationship, you're nothing but a cog in the works, and compared to him, you're a saint.

And I must say, her "he can do anything I don't know about" attitude to this relationship probably sparked that off too. She's clearly innocent but voluntarily ignorant, he's clearly a manipulative prick, and you were just used (by both) to keep the relationship together. Leave them to it. Whether they deserve happiness or not, they don't want it. The guy is clearly not happy with his girlfriend, and I'll bet you anything that poor woman is about as happy as you are right now, whether she knows he's cheated or not.

Reply 19

generalebriety

16

Rusty33

And, for the rest of us who, despite the stigma carried with certain types of people, stay true regardless of the situation? You explain to me how people who have the strength to exercise the mental and emotional strength against the temptation deserve the same level of credibility and clout as those who don't?

Not instantly. It's not a sort of "oh, you cheated, strike one... but I still love you till you do it twice more". But people do change. People are human and make mistakes (as you say later on). Sometimes it takes one night with another man/woman to realise that the person you're with is better than all the rest for you, I would imagine.

Rusty33

Oh, I'm sorry. When you blindside someone with an action like that, you should just get a free pass. I mean, after all, you're human, you make mistakes, right? Right. And, every mistake comes with a consequence, and hers is the guilt that should eat at her for doing what she did to a friend.

What she did? What about what he did to his girlfriend, or what his girlfriend did to the relationship by allowing him to cheat on her as long as she didn't know about it? Don't be ridiculous.

How can you mend a broken heart?

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you