Cancer

posting as anon because i think my cousin comes on this - sorry. well a few months ago my godmother confessed to me that she has cancer and is refusing chemotherapy. i am the only person in the world that she has told and she refuses to tell her family or anyone. she is so very ill now, she had an op a few weeks ago but i'm not sure if it has helped completely. it is very hard to get info out of her because she is very secretive but it clearly builds up and then she will call me really distressed. last time she called me crying saying 'if anything happens to me, promise me you will look after my girls' which makes me think things are really bad. i'm 17 and honestly don't know how i can help. i really want her to tell her family but she wont - what if she dies without having given her kids the chance to say goodbye to her? i'm a little bit muddled and just don't know what the best thing for me to do is.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

please reply someone

Reply 2

lil one

2

I couldn't keep something like that in, and I know I would tell someone.

Reply 3

PolkaDotSoph

Poor you. It isn't fair of her to be placing this pressure on you. If she is your godmother, she must be friends with your parents-could you talk to them, or tell her you'd like her to? I understand this is an awful situation, but it is not your responsibility and you aren't even a proper adult yet. This is enough for anyone to bear, and you shouldn't be trying to alone-neither should she. She needs more support than just you can provide, and you cannot be expected to do so alone. Please do try to get your parents involved, it is up to her whether she tells her family. Keep smiling x

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

She was best mates with my mum, but my mum died a few years ago. I think that is why she talks to me about these things, I look a lot like my mum and when my godmum is upset she often gets confused and calls me by my mums name. In a way it is good she tells me these things because she honestly doesn't tell anyone else anything, and she's very very depressed (has been for as long as i can remember) so at least she has someone to talk to.

Reply 5

PolkaDotSoph

So do you live with her? Or is there someone else that you are close to who knows her that you can speak to? I can see this is really tough for you and you shouldnt have to bear this by yourself. It is great she can talk to you, but perhaps she is forgetting that you are only young yourself and have plenty to be dealing with (esp with hormones, growing up, and losing your mum). Is there perhaps a school counsellor (I know it seems weird, but it'd be anonymous I guess) or anyone you could talk to?
Otherwise, I would suggest writing it down, you could even write to her if you felt you couldnt say it to her face. You need to get this off your chest if you can.

Reply 6

qwerty_st/n

11

Anonymous

posting as anon because i think my cousin comes on this - sorry. well a few months ago my godmother confessed to me that she has cancer and is refusing chemotherapy. i am the only person in the world that she has told and she refuses to tell her family or anyone. she is so very ill now, she had an op a few weeks ago but i'm not sure if it has helped completely. it is very hard to get info out of her because she is very secretive but it clearly builds up and then she will call me really distressed. last time she called me crying saying 'if anything happens to me, promise me you will look after my girls' which makes me think things are really bad. i'm 17 and honestly don't know how i can help. i really want her to tell her family but she wont - what if she dies without having given her kids the chance to say goodbye to her? i'm a little bit muddled and just don't know what the best thing for me to do is.

I have often been in situations similar as this, so I understand exactly how hard it must be for you. If you can talk to her, and perhaps try to convince her that she needs to tell her family, she may change her mind.
At the same time though, it is her decision, and it was probably not an easy one for her to make, if she's clearly thought about what she's doing, then her decision needs to be respected. The only trouble is that when the inevitable happens, if her family find out that you knew and didn't say anything, that may well cause problems between you. Perhaps you could explain that to her, because it is unfair for someone of your age to have such a burden placed on you.
How often do her family see her? Surely they must have noticed how ill she is?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

No I don't live with her, I live with my dad and stepmum but she rings me a bit, and I try and see her when I can obviouslly. She told her family that she has hurt her back, because the tumour is on her spine she is using a stick to walk around (although she can barely get off the sofa at the moment) so they all think it is that. She has lost a lot of weight but she has been anorexic for about 20 years anyway so to be honest I think they are just totally used to her looking emaciated.
I hadn't thought of writing to her, I might try that because she doesn't seem to be listening to me at the moment. Oh god I am just so worried about her and I feel like I'm being utterly useless.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

I'm going through the exact situation you are in. My Dad has cancer and he won't let me tell my Mum. The problem is that she is not your blood family, so going behind her back and telling her family will probably upset her more. I'd try to confide in your Dad if you can.

Cancer

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