Hi,
Thank you for reading this, I will try to make brief. Really appreciate any help as I am seriously struggling right now.
I am a female student at uni about to go into fourth year. I have always enjoyed partying and socializing at uni and without sounding up myself I am well known around campus as a party-goer. Last year, I know it sounds stupid but I felt a pressure to live up to my partying reputation. For some reason this coincided with me drinking more and alcohol starting to effect me badly. I've always been a very happy, fun drunk person, but this year I started to turn into a mean, angry drunk who says quite *****y things. I also have been getting bad blackouts where I don't remember large chunks of the night. I get massive anxiety the day after drinking where I worry about the things that I know I said that were mean and also about the other things that I maybe did.
Since this year has been over I have decided to pretty much stop drinking and so far I have been successful at this. When I go to the pub I have a glass of wine but I haven't been binge drinking anymore and I intend to keep this up.
My main concern however is a real concern that people absolutely hate me if they have had a drunk encounter with me when I have been drunk/blacked out and have said something mean to them. This really isn't my normal personality and I am so ashamed that I have done this. As far as I am aware this hasn't happened too many times but there are likely to be times when I have been blacked out that this has happened.
What do you think I should do about this? Apologise to anyone that I have been mean to? What would you do if someone comes up to me and says what a ***** I am. I'm sorry to write a post this long, but I am seriously depressed about this at the moment.