How to reject my mom?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I'd say have a sit-down conversation with her about how her actions make you feel but make sure that it's civilised and that both of you really listen to each other and try to understand each other with no judgement or anger. Make it more so a discussion about what the issues are and what you want to do moving forward. It's likely that having a conversation about it will help your mum realise that she's hurting you and ruining your relationship and she might make an effort to change. But again, let me stress, don't turn it into an angry rant/outburst/shouting match.

However, I think it's important for you to realise that while your mother's past actions have been hurting you and it is important to discuss them so you two can move forward and improve your relationship, your mum has just lost two close people in her life. As hard as it might be for you, imagine if you were in her situation. She must be feeling really really awful right now. She needs time to process such fresh wounds. She needs time to grieve and recover from this. Time is the only thing that can help heal her hurt right now. And a good support system.

You said she has no friends, so it's time for you to be the bigger person and just be there for her at this present moment. Give her the time, space and support that she needs to grieve and start healing. And once she feels better, then you can have a conversation about her attitude. But please give her some space and realise that your mum isn't just a mother, but also a person who has feelings and who is currently dealing with possibly the worst pain that a living being has to deal with: losing a loved one (and in her case 2 within a short time frame)>

My mom is obsessed with me. She always expects me to hang out with her. I have no space at all. I work from home and doesn’t respect my job and is always bothering me like my life revolves around her. It’s been a year now since her mom died and it’s sad but I want a life too. I was supposed to been have moved out but she depends on me and it’s making me depressed to because I have no life. Especially being around someone miserable all the time who is never happy and mentally abusive you! It really sucks sometimes I feel like I wanna die I hate my life! My mom takes her anger out on people. It’s been a hard pandemic for everybody not just her but that’s how she acts!

That sounds really awful. Maybe do have a sit down conversation with her then. Tell her that you are your own person and that you deserve space and respect from her. Let her know how you're feeling. She might just need a wake-up call that how she's treating you isn't right. Also, maybe recommend her therapy too. If she's still struggling with her grief and with her emotional regulation she might benefit from some guidance from a professional.

Okay OP, you need to take a breath.

Stop ****ging your mum off, you're frustrated and that's understandable but by continually dredging up the negative things you feel towards her you will only make it worse for yourself.

As others have said - you need to sit down and talk to her. Don't say 'oh it won't work she's this she's that', you need to actually try first regardless of conversations you may have had in the past. I understand that because you dislike her you don't want to but she's your mum, you need to be honest with her. Don't use the conversation as an opportunity to put her down or attack her character, instead express how you feel - "when you do X mum, it makes me feel X" for example. It sounds like your mum has it pretty tough, parents aren't infallible just because they're a parent!

It sounds like a lot of this is a matter of a low opinion of your mum and how you want her to act. Expecting someone to behave differently to their 'default' without having a productive conversation prior will only set you up for more misery - your mum doesn't know how deeply this is bothering you right now so how can she possibly know that she needs to address how she acts sometimes. Secondly, is this a matter of how you think your mum should act and because she's not, you've found every possible flaw in her personality?

You need to cut her a break, as you've said she's had a lot going on and grief has different effects on different people. Your mum may also be feeling you push her away and subconsciously be pushing to keep you closer, like you said she only has you. You've spent this thread talking about every possible way to negatively describe her, I hope it was cathartic to get it out but you need to leave it at that. I'm not disputing that she is displaying some unhealthy behaviour, but so are you. It's very easy to lash out at those closest to us, but you need to detach from this state of heightened emotion and remind yourself of all the ways that she is a good mum despite these challenges.

In terms of her being 'ghetto', I don't know what you mean by that but you should ask yourself why her behaviour in this aspect bothers you, is it because of what people might think or is it because you have expectations of her to be someone she's not.

In terms of yourself, you really need to speak to your GP about your mental health. You mentioned that sometimes you feel "like I wanna die I hate my life!", that isn't something that is your mum's fault. You may think because it is difficult co-existing that you are forced into feeling that way but that is a feeling that comes from within you and isn't something you should leave alone. You need to speak to a professional about these thoughts so that not only your life can improve but so can mum's.

It's clear it won't be easy to confront, but wanting to 'reject' your mum rather than making a conscious and mature effort to confront the issues and improve your relationship shows that you are certainly playing a part in the problem. I hope you have the conversation, I hope that you approach it with sensitivity and I hope that you use this opportunity to take a look at yourself as well. You both deserve better.

Okay OP, you need to take a breath.

Stop ****ging your mum off, you're frustrated and that's understandable but by continually dredging up the negative things you feel towards her you will only make it worse for yourself.

As others have said - you need to sit down and talk to her. Don't say 'oh it won't work she's this she's that', you need to actually try first regardless of conversations you may have had in the past. I understand that because you dislike her you don't want to but she's your mum, you need to be honest with her. Don't use the conversation as an opportunity to put her down or attack her character, instead express how you feel - "when you do X mum, it makes me feel X" for example. It sounds like your mum has it pretty tough, parents aren't infallible just because they're a parent!

It sounds like a lot of this is a matter of a low opinion of your mum and how you want her to act. Expecting someone to behave differently to their 'default' without having a productive conversation prior will only set you up for more misery - your mum doesn't know how deeply this is bothering you right now so how can she possibly know that she needs to address how she acts sometimes. Secondly, is this a matter of how you think your mum should act and because she's not, you've found every possible flaw in her personality?

You need to cut her a break, as you've said she's had a lot going on and grief has different effects on different people. Your mum may also be feeling you push her away and subconsciously be pushing to keep you closer, like you said she only has you. You've spent this thread talking about every possible way to negatively describe her, I hope it was cathartic to get it out but you need to leave it at that. I'm not disputing that she is displaying some unhealthy behaviour, but so are you. It's very easy to lash out at those closest to us, but you need to detach from this state of heightened emotion and remind yourself of all the ways that she is a good mum despite these challenges.

In terms of her being 'ghetto', I don't know what you mean by that but you should ask yourself why her behaviour in this aspect bothers you, is it because of what people might think or is it because you have expectations of her to be someone she's not.

In terms of yourself, you really need to speak to your GP about your mental health. You mentioned that sometimes you feel "like I wanna die I hate my life!", that isn't something that is your mum's fault. You may think because it is difficult co-existing that you are forced into feeling that way but that is a feeling that comes from within you and isn't something you should leave alone. You need to speak to a professional about these thoughts so that not only your life can improve but so can mum's.

It's clear it won't be easy to confront, but wanting to 'reject' your mum rather than making a conscious and mature effort to confront the issues and improve your relationship shows that you are certainly playing a part in the problem. I hope you have the conversation, I hope that you approach it with sensitivity and I hope that you use this opportunity to take a look at yourself as well. You both deserve better.

Sounds like you have an entitled toxic mother who is best avoided.
I understand some of how you feel, I've been there and run for the hills.

It is possible that your mother's unpleasant behaviour may have been exacerbated significantly due to shock or grief at her friend's death.
However people like this very rarely change their habits or mindset for the better.

All that you can do is keep your distance whilst you have to share accomodation and save up as much as you can to finance alternative accomodation far away.
Then move out as soon as you possibly can.

Taking care to avoid leaving a forwarding address or anything that could be used trying to trace you.
Change all your contact info, switch your social media accounts to private and making crystal clear to all your friends that your mother knows that you have gone NC & do not want your contact info shared with anybody unless you specifically give permission to do so.
Good luck!

This is awful advice from someone who simply doesn't understand the bigger picture or all the details of this household.

While it is a plausible possibility that detaching from the mother could be a solution, it definitely should not be the go-to solution and should only be prescribed if it is absolutely necessary and resolving the issues are impossible.

You are pretty much telling the OP to go off the radar from the woman who raised and birthed her, and lose connection. Is this really the most sustainable answer you could think of?

That will never happen because my mom think she’s so smart. She’s always gossiping about others when she has her own problems. She’s just a old miserable fart. She’s actually young but some people are just mean and miserable ant no fixing her at all! She’s a bully who does all the name calling and recommending. She picks on weak people but never steps up to her own kind ever. She’ll scream in my face or her husband’s face and say that they are crazy and need help if they shed a tear or react to her!

I don’t like my mom. She’s ghetto she has no class or respect for anybody. She always clout chasing for attention like a 14 year old girl. When we go to grocery stores she always saying something obvious because she think she so funny when she’s not. She brought up my past today in front of everybody at the store. She loves for people to know my business strangers. I’m private so I hate it. I bet if I was pregnant everybody would know. My moms a bully when we go out she always has a nasty attitude. She always stepping over me constantly. I hate being around people who are mean but she just latches on to me. She has no friends of her own. She refuses to be around other people beside me. She’s obsessed with me but bullies me constantly. I buy her food sometimes but she never appreciates it and always expects stuff when I don’t she’ll cry and tell her annoying nosy sisters. My mom has a big future for us planned but I’m so sick of her. How to start rejecting her, and ignore her evil angry attitude after?? My mom is miserable because her mom died and her friend died a few weeks ago. I’m sad but why take your anger out on other people? Be a mom instead and make new friends. Please help??