Tania's Mess Of A Journey (How I've lost 23kg so far!)

Thought it would be fun to start a blog on here seeing as I'm obsessed enough with TSR :smile:

A little bit of backstory but it's poorly written because I can't write for sh*t.
I'm an 18-year-old female who's been on a weight loss journey for the past 7 years! SEVEN YEARS?! THAT MEANS YOU STARTED AT ELEVEN BRO ARE YOU OKAY??? I hear you ask? Well, this is my back story for anyone who cares. I've been insecure about my weight since I was 10. I was never that fat tbh I was just a little chubby, I started puberty pretty early - around aged 9/10 so I gained the 'puberty weight' a lot earlier than most. My family situation isn't the best, it got really bad when I was 10 and I had all these huge emotions that I couldn't process and food I guess was my way of coping. I'd eat tubs of chocolate whenever my parents bought it and my family got worse as I got older and so did my eating habits. Once I started secondary school and got a weekend job I'd spend all my money on cakes, cookies, biscuits, crisps and overate so much again, to cope with everything going on. I went to an all-girls private school, the people there were lovely but they all fit the beauty standard of well, skinny so I began to feel insecure. *ENTER* my fitness pal. That bloody app should be banned for under 18's who have no clue what calories mean or anything about nutrition. Every few months from ages 11-17 I'd download MFP, try to eat 1,200 calories a day, binge after a week, go back to overeating on the daily, feel fat, repeat. I never lost any weight and at one point I hit my highest weight of 80KG, BMI is a rubbish indicator of health but that's 29.3, if I gained another 3kg I'd classify as obese. (wow that was weird to write).

Somehow I very easily managed to go from 80kg->72kg. Still overweight but I mean 8kg down without trying AT ALL?! How did I do it? After some reflection, I realised that this weight loss correlated with me started therapy and getting diagnosed with PTSD. Having an outlet other than TRIGGER WARNING self-h*rm and binge eating, I guess my brain wasn't as desperate for the dopamine boost it got from those other things.
I stayed at 72 for a year or two, still eating a lot of junk but I changed schools for sixth form which was fun. The came LOCKDOWN 1. I thought wow this is it, this is my chance to get SKINNI. And did I do it... lol no. I took the same approach I always did which was downloading MFP, restrict, overeat, repeat. In fact, I ate so much junk during that lockdown as me and my brother would go to the shops every day and get chocolate and ice cream (IDK how that boy isn't obese). This time I took progress pictures (ironic as I made absolutely no progress) so looking back is crazy to see the state I was in.
Now its November 2020, IDK what changed but something CLICKED. I'm going to uni soon, I've got my level summer coming up I can't go on anymore treating my body like this. So I did it. I learnt about nutrition, calories, exercise etc. I BARELY KNOW ANYTHING I AM NOT A DOCTOR but now I know enough, to make the progress that I did.
72KG (nov 2020) -> 57KG (today)
Now I'm getting kinda bored writing so I'm going to bullet point what worked for me, what didn't and what I'm still learning and WHY.

What worked for me:
- Keeping a food log: I'm more conscious of what I'm eating, I can review what I eat and see how it affects me.*(see MFP stuff that I'm gonna write about in a sec)
- HIIT workouts: Short, fun, kill you in the process. It's not necessary to lose weight and I've cut down on it now as I'm walking 10k steps most days but I will always love HIIT.
- Weight training: I only have access to one set of dumbells so I just use crappy youtube videos. This isn't ideal to build muscle (progressive overload) but I believe it's been enough FOR ME to preserve what muscle I currently have until April where I can go back to my local gym.
-Meal prepping: I find it pretty therapeutic to spend 30mins every few days cooking my meals, it's like my form of self-care. I keep is versatile and change it up a lot or I'll get so bored.
- NATACHA OCEANE: An amazing YouTuber who focuses on the science of fitness and she has changed my relationship with myself so much!
- VOLUME EATING: Low calories meals that are high in volume so they fill you up LOADS.
- 3 Meals a day: I used to try and save calories, just in case. Now I have breakfast lunch and dinner, PROPER MEALS. So I can get through the day or I just feel icky. If I still need a snack, it's because my body needed it.

What didn't work for me:
MY EFFING FITNESS PAL: Some days you need to eat more, some days you need to eat less. MFP doesn't account for this and tells you you're good if you're under and bad if you're over your calorie counts and give you those dreaded red numbers. I found that when I used MFP I only cared about calories and so if I could fit in junk food I'd still eat loads. Now I estimate calories, I aim for around 1550 (TDEE-500). Breakfast and lunch calories are counted pretty accurately as I make the meals myself but dinner is mainly guesswork and although I might get criticised for that, it's obviously worked for me hasn't it. I know my portion sizes and I stick to mainly veggies and a good portion of protein. (I personally don't eat much rice potatoes etc, not purposely, I just try not to eat foods that I don't feel are necessary for me to be satisfied. e.g I'm not gonna eat rice just because that's the norm to eat with curry, sure if I want rice ill have it but I've stopped eating foods that I feel almost, pressure, to eat by other people.

What I'm learning:
It takes TIME: I've made so much progress man, I'm so proud of myself but I still get pissed off that I'm not physically where I want to be. Just gotta keep reminding myself that if I keep going, I'll make just as much progress over the next few months.
It's okay to slip up: sometimes I feel ravenous, I'm usually stressed or pissed off and the only thing that I wanna do is eat. it's okay to emotionally eat. don't rely on it and try to pick lower-calorie more nutritious options but honestly, one day of eating some extra food won't make a dent in your progress. today I ate 3 meals PLUS a Nakd bar, chips and salsa and IDK why but I felt sp guilty, need to work on that because I'm still eating in a deficit, it was just a little bit of extra food.
It's okay to skip workouts: this needs a lot of work. I feel so guilty taking a break but fat loss is an 80% diet anyway, a few rest days won't hurt!!
How to accept myself as I am: I have a long way to go, I'm scared of how long it'll take (note: don't put a time frame on this) but we got this!!

This was a huge ramble and I'm sure no one will read it or care, but I hope it helps someone. I'm gonna use this to post my food log and workouts as well as how I'm feeling I guess. Please interact! Id love to chat, share recipes etc etc :smile:

The best thing I did was just start, and stay consistent, don't focus on numbers and slowly everything will fall into place.

Also the best and worst feeling ever is putting on old clothes and them being MASSIVE on you, great because yayyy fat loss but so annoying because god I need to buy a whole new wardrobe ffs.