Doing med school with 2 kids?

So, I’ve got a place to study medicine this year (sat autumn exams so all confirmed). I’ve already got a baby who will be turning one a few days before I start, and I’ve just found out that I’m pregnant with another and will be due in April. I suppose I’m really just looking for advice from anyone who’s gone through medical school with children or even anyone who has some advice (I’m not looking to be told it’s not possible) about what I’m getting myself into! Believe me I know it’s going to be absolutely rough and exhausting and I’m probably mental for still going ahead with it, but any advice e.g organisation, time management, managing exams, how accommodating they tend to be etc would be great ☺️

So you’d be taking maternity leave during first year?

I’d honestly defer and aim to start sep 2023. See how it all goes this year.

So, I’ve got a place to study medicine this year (sat autumn exams so all confirmed). I’ve already got a baby who will be turning one a few days before I start, and I’ve just found out that I’m pregnant with another and will be due in April. I suppose I’m really just looking for advice from anyone who’s gone through medical school with children or even anyone who has some advice (I’m not looking to be told it’s not possible) about what I’m getting myself into! Believe me I know it’s going to be absolutely rough and exhausting and I’m probably mental for still going ahead with it, but any advice e.g organisation, time management, managing exams, how accommodating they tend to be etc would be great ☺️

I wasn’t really planning on taking a “proper” maternity leave. I’d be attending pretty much until I popped, and then I believe the exams start around a month after I’m due, so ideally I’d still attend when absolutely necessary until exams, but other than that, I’d still study at home. I’ve actually held an offer since 2020 entry but it was delayed with all this mess with a level results so I’m very hesitant to delay it again

I mean, do you really think you'll be in a fit mental state for medical school exams with a one month old baby? No sleep, hormones all over, and everything? Would you have childcare available at that time - and would you even feel able to leave your baby all day for days on end?

The earlier poster is right that I do have two kids, but I had them long after medical school. I guess given that you already have one, you kind of know what to expect in the early days, but adding another is changing the game again! Obviously you will need iron-clad childcare and some kind of financial support from family/partner for the next few years, but I'm presuming you've thought of that. You will need to be much more organised and disciplined than the average student, I'd suggest aiming to study out of home when you can to minimise interruptions. The medical school should be able to support you by keeping placements close to home for you etc, and may have financial and practical support available for students with children. Given that you're still in very early days with this pregnancy, you have some time to plan, so I would let the medical school know your situation early and see what they can offer - it should be possible for you attend before the baby is born, but what they will suggest for the exams I don't know. I would suggest that you take the time with your baby where you can, and don't try to rush through uni - that will be around for a long time but your baby will only be tiny once!

Thanks for replying I think in terms of the exams, I sat my a levels whilst my eldest was 3 weeks, obviously med school exams are a different ball game but just in terms of the sort of emotional, sleep deprivation and leaving the baby, I know it’s something I’m comfortable doing, I suppose I justify it by reminding myself that I put myself through it for them. My childcare is pretty solid, during exams either family or my partner would have them, then in September I’d be sending little one to nursery part time with my eldest (eldest will be full time).
I suppose my biggest concern I have is how on earth I’ll manage my time when it comes splitting it between family and study, especially as I live about 40 minutes drive away from the uni, so that’s a good chunk of time gone. I think I’ll be living off coffee for the next 5 years 😂

Only 5 years?!

You are not unreasonable to say you're doing it all for them, but as someone who's been on the medical treadmill a very long time, my personal feeling is that you are going to be a med student/doctor for a very, very long time. They are only going to be little babies once, and you being slightly more rested and available by taking suitable time out will benefit them more than you rushing through med school. I'm sure it is doable, though I'd suggest good childcare and sensible study plans on top of caffeine!

As I said in my DM, the learning curve is massive from school to university and taking a break after baby comes is going to put a massive dent in your learning when preparing for exams.
I know very well how well the temptation to convince yourself that you are going to be able to do this, especially when you’re desperate to get going, but the reality is always going to be harder than what you hope it will be. I have been there (twice) and it is so hard. Add a commute on top and you lose a huge amount of time. Compare yourself with someone who lives ten minutes from the university and has no commitments. You lose 210 hours a year of potential learning time (assuming 42 study weeks a year) compared to them just by way of your commute. Add in the 140 actual formal learning time you’ll lose (minimum) by taking a month off to have a baby and then all the stuff that goes into time with a newborn and you going to lose a big chunk of your own learning time that’s very difficult to quantify and you ARE going to want that time with your little one. You’re putting yourself at a huge disadvantage to your peer group and this is in the absolute best case scenario and assuming everything goes to plan, which these things never do. I had a baby whilst at university and planned everything around being able to have the baby via normal delivery because that was what I knew. I also planned on carrying on until the end of the year and doing my exams and then going off to have the baby because the timing was right. Turned out I got anaemia and hit the wall with exhaustion. I had to delay my exams and then it turned out I needed a C section and id been planning everything around a normal delivery. I had two exams to sit in the summer instead of just having a nice normal summer off with the baby. I ended up not able to do as well in those exams as I needed to and basically wasn’t able to revise for one at all until the day before because I got mastitis twice, got two infections from the C section, barely saw my other two children for two months…I only passed that exam because I happened to already know some of the material from having taught research methods for a while and it was a scraped grade. I had that prior experience of higher education to rely on, others didn’t and a number of people failed that module or the other one and had to leave the course, even though they were academically able people. Clinical degrees are hard in ways people don’t expect. With me, I entered my next year exhausted and it caught up with me eventually. Placement was draining and I had no reserves left for my family, barely enough for me. Coffee wouldn’t have done anything for me and I was facing a commute just like you were. A third baby doubles your workload from two. It is not easy, even with prior experience. It can be done and it never will be completely easy with children but you don’t need to make it harder on yourself than it already is.
You want to be able to make all of your choices work without any compromise but actually these choices come with compromise somewhere. If you try to go ahead as if there isn’t a consequence, you’ll delay the consequence. Choosing to have a baby is a beautiful thing, but it comes with consequences and compromises. If not immediate, then later. Medical school is another wonderful choice but it will demand as much if not more of your time than a baby. Medical school will bend over backwards to accommodate you getting into medical school and will delay if you need to but if you’re going to present yourself as ready to work, they’ll expect that of you. You take time off to have a baby in the middle, they’ll accommodate that but they’ll expect you to do your exams and perform to the same standard as everyone else. And if you fail those exams, they won’t bend over backwards to let you carry on because you had a family because in their view you had other opportunities to take the time off before.
No one could have persuaded me to take a break. I was going to do what I was going to do because I knew what I could do. As it was, I had to make my own mistakes but looking back I know that I wasn’t giving myself the best chances, especially compared to an earlier Point in my degree where I did make the right decision to delay and it paid off, allowing me to go in better prepared, better rested and knowing I had a clear run of things.
You’ve got to also remember, as Helenia said, there won’t be another time for you to have a break. Once you’re on this track, you stay on this track and that’s pretty much it for the next 15 years. You might not want another break now, but you might one day be grateful that you did.

I suppose, practically this is very early days for any pregnancy so starting the course may well be best option.

Though I’d also consider if there is anything you’d want to avoid during the course of the pregnancy. I have no idea of 1st years are exposed to any radiation for example.

The only other thing I can think of is how on earth I’d deal with the prosection without vomiting everywhere as I suffered quite severe morning (all day and night) sickness with my last 😂

I really appreciate the struggles you had and I’m so sorry you went through that. In terms of being at a disadvantage to my peers, as I’m already a parent, I live so far away and I don’t fit into the the typical more “privileged” background that med students tend to come from, I’d say I’m already at a disadvantage so that’s not a problem to me! If anything I think delaying would be more detrimental, as I would then be needing to acclimatise to this new environment and method of study whilst looking after 2 under 2, whereas if I continue as planned I’ll at least have 8 months or so to adjust to the course and work out my study techniques etc before babys here, instead of doing it all at once. Alongside that there’s never really a good time to have kids in medicine! I feel that first year is as good as it’s going to get whilst the workload and hours are pretty much the lowest it will be, pretty much for the rest of my career, 😂 it means I won’t be leaving young children overnight or on weekends as by the time I qualify, they’d be 6 and 5, and would definitely be less demanding than looking after a young child after a 10 or so hour night shift 😂 believe me I understand what I’m getting myself into in terms of sitting the exams and the risks involved in the actual birth, my first was far from straightforward, this is why I’ve asked for advice on how to manage it as deferring just isn’t an option for me personally

Stating you’re already at a disadvantage isn’t really a convincing argument when you’re suggesting putting yourself at a further disadvantage. I genuinely think you might find yourself struggling with those exams. The university may well even have a policy on how soon you can come back after giving birth so I would check that. Your university will probably let have a lot to say about this too and they are likely to strongly advise you to defer. Remember also that university work is not like A level work. Your previous experience with exams isn’t really relevant here.
I get the feeling that literally nothing will persuade you otherwise so I’m not entirely sure why you posted really. But a lot of people are warning you to be careful here. If you aren’t going to take advice on this, you’re just going to have to open yourself up to your own mistakes. Maybe you’ll be different. But there is a safe and sensible option that will allow you a clear run, with no obstacles on the horizon, with variables known and reasonably controlled. What you’re proposing is basically several massive gambles with your future, your family, your mental health, and your time with your child. A lot of people are going to warn you against this.

As I said in my DM, the learning curve is massive from school to university and taking a break after baby comes is going to put a massive dent in your learning when preparing for exams. A third baby doubles your workload from two. It is not easy, even with prior experience. It can be done and it never will be completely easy with children but you don’t need to make it harder on yourself than it already is.

I really didn’t post to be told it’s not possible, as I stated in the original post, I have asked for advice on how to manage it, not reasons not to do it. I fully understand the risks and the workload involved, and the impact on my family, however for me personally, deferring is just not an option. In terms of my experience with a levels, I really understand that the work is different, I was just saying that As I have already sat exams very early on, I know that I’m comfortable with having to leave the baby to sit them as I have a great support system that really helped in terms of childcare and letting me get rest and study time, so although I know it’s going to be very difficult I don’t think it’s impossible, I definitely wouldn’t be the first woman to do it. I really don’t believe that deferring would give me a “clear run”, as I would still very much be responsible for two very young children either way, the only difference I can see is that I would be juggling two young children and a completely new learning environment and trying to get on my feet starting medical school, which doesn’t seem like a smart idea to me, there would just be too many “new things” at once. No matter when I start, I’ll always have the additional disadvantages, and I’ll always have less time with my children as I’d like (financially If I took a year out I’d have to work full time anyway to be able to afford it) however by starting this year I will be able to acclimatise to the environment and learning style before having to adjust to a new baby, meaning I’ll have a much better idea of how to go forwards in terms of studying, childcare, time management etc in second year. I really appreciate everything you’ve said but I really am just looking for practical advice to get through it