Overthinking

My closet teammates and I were meant to be meeting up after work for drinks as we were working from home. Most of them said in our chat group they‘re not going for drinks anymore, I decided not to go either...because I was already hungover from drinks I had with my friendsNow I‘m feeling really insecure that my teammates are going to the event anyway, behind my back and without telling me. They all logged off work early than usual...which I found strange.I would be kinda hurt if they went to the event behind my back.I don‘t think one of my teammates likes me anyway...always excluding me from everything. I always hear news from my other colleagues.Any advice?

Reply 1

Muttly

Do not let this small group of people drag you down. Do your job well, check you are fulfilling all of your job roles and stay cheerful. If you can maintain this facade of being supremely comfortable with your own self others will question why and know you are made of stronger stuff. Do make sure you are not just reading too much into things, but by sounds of this it has been happening a while. Keep a few hard copy notes of when and where in case you need it later down the line. Stay professional at all times.

Chat to some of the team face to face over coffee if they are up for it and express your disappointment at not going out with the group (if that is what happened) You may not have the courage to go and speak to the ring leader (they may also be the team leader) and ask if there is any reason why you are being left out of social events (and work information if this is applicable) You may want to consider a new job where the work group are not so controlling and nasty.

There is usually one 'leader' within a works group of cliquey people. Most people dragged along in any group with a powerful leader are too afraid to decline invitations or dissent within the group because they are being co-erced to go along with the group think and comply. Its all rather sad but it is about controlling people. Look up the phrase 'Sociopath' Hitler commenced his rise to power in a similar way and people often overlook that it needed selfish human nature and self preservation for him to succeed. Selfish fear stops people speaking out against vile behaviour. Such a small start but the consequences of dissent within his group got bigger as time went on.

If you are currently in a group that excludes others, no doubt people will recognise relief that they are in a 'protected' position within a group, be relieved they are not on the receiving end of nasty stuff and will not want to rock the boat or challenge any leader or the established behaviours. They will accept the behaviour and go along with it. The power of the group is maintained by ostracising and covertly bullying a select few. They can also withhold important information crucial to getting ahead and completing work well.

If the team leaders or bosses are aware of what is going on and do nothing to assist they are being complicit in encouraging bullying within the workplace. Subtle covert bullying is very difficult to prove. Are you working to capacity and well within your role? If the answer is no, seek measures to improve and seek help from a supervisor to achieve your aims. Remember not everyone in the associated group will be horrible or stuffy, its usually one or two.

Treasure your own friends, keep them close and talk to them about your concerns at work. If you need support join a Union and take some professional advice. You don't have to take any action but at least you know what your options are. Create your headspace escape tunnel. Look for new jobs, new location etc This work set up is a very small pond in a very big ocean. Change jobs and find a new fun loving group, not some power mad few.