I'm about to enter my last three weeks of university teaching (which I don't actually have any 'real' classes due to bank holidays). I have three deadlines left - my dissertation in around two weeks, an exam at the end of May, and an essay at the start of June. Then it's done
My experience at university has been very up-and-down. My entire first year was online and I had a lot of struggles with mental health in second year, which led to me changing courses for my final year... but this year has been the happiest I've been in a long time. I have been living by myself and thriving while doing it, I have been meeting up with a couple of friends weekly (which is a big thing as I have university), I even got to go on a free field trip to East Asia for a week and a half at the beginning of this month after not having left the country my whole life! I've really been challenging my anxiety and gaining unforgettable experiences this past academic year, and just allowing myself to become inspired by the things I'm learning rather than merely going through the motions. I have been really impacted by the lecturers and supervisors I've interacted with this academic year and it makes me sad that I'm not going to have any more lectures with them...
Don't get me wrong, it has been a really stressful and difficult year. Even now, I'm worried about not achieving a good grade on my dissertation because I think it is rubbish lol. However, I finally had a year at university that didn't make me question everything. It makes me really sad that I only felt this way for the first time when it's already too late.
I don't want to move back home, and I don't want to leave academia. I can't imagine going back to a job in the 'real world' after studying something I really am interested in for three years . Since returning from my field trip, I've felt these emotions so intensely - I think the end of the trip which I'd been looking forward to all year signified that graduation truly is coming. I wish I had even just one more year...