Friends

Hi
I relate too. I am 19 right now and I have never really had close personal friends.

I struggle with social anxieties and as a result I am very ahy and introverted. In years gone by, I have found out that friends only hung out with me because their parents pressured them to, because they felt bad for me. People often spoke like I did not know what they were talking about, but I did.
Since, I have had feelings of guilt surrounding friendships. Do they actually want to talk to me?

I've also had my fair share of bad experiences and broken promises, most notably from a now ex who I really opened up to, who went on to break my heart.

The combination of my difficulty in social situations and past experiences is making the future seem really daunting. I'm doing my best to open up my social circle, to try and meet new people both at Uni and online, but I'm struggling.

If I could give one piece of advice, its to not focus on High School friendships to the exclusion of finding friends elsewhere. I have not spoken to anyone from high school in years. I am atypical in many respects, but from speaking to other people, they have similar stories to tell. Pursue your interests, your hobbies. Join clubs in your local area, or try something new. You'll find like-minded people, who you are more likely to develop friendships with.

I stopped talking to them bc of personal problems but I do really get along with them and they make me laugh.

I would be proactive then. If you wish to be close again try and instigate conversations, or even make a plan and invite them somewhere.

Being honest with them may help too, tell them that you needed time to yourself due to personal issues. Honesty and communication is the post important thing in any relationship between people (whatever the nature of that relationship is).

Yeahh that’s true. But then i feel like your being vulnerable and being vulnerable is scary since people can do whatever they want with that information and could potentially hurt you.

I ghosted my whole friendship group for around a year. I needed some time away from them and now I want to become close with them but they have become closer with each other like really close. I see them all here and there but they haven’t invited me within a part of their group fully. Does anyone have any tips on what I should next.

My tip here would be that to cut them off completely. If they are not reciprocating, why are you trying to build that bridge again?

I am doing my best to build bridges with my classmates in school, but when I never get that reciprocation, it hurts a lot but to soften that pain I never go back to them. It is called self-respect and integrity

I know you want to be close with them, but now that they all have become close together, they are pinning you down. You should not take that. Be the King of the Hill, you never need to look down.

I am going into my last year of high school, and a lot of crap has happened, and now I have decided that I should no longer need to answer to people. I need to keep my focus razor sharp. When I needed people at my lows, I had no one. Now when I will be at my highest points in life, then I won't include those who isolated me. I struggle from social anxiety somewhat, and to be honest, I have never had any friends in life, all I had was, and will be, my family and myself.

I hope this helps

Yeah but in the eyes of the friends they’d probably struggle to trust OP again because of how they ghosted them. Also OP said that they want to get back into the friend group, this suggests that they are good people. Personally, if I had been ghosted I’d also struggle to be friends with that person again but you have to explain the situation. You have to say why you ghosted them as it wasn’t related to them

Yes I haven’t really explained that. And also it’s not that they don’t include me they do and they do make an effort with me 100% more than I expected. We never really had a conversation regarding the ghosting one of the girls just invited me out and we just ended up talking again. I struggle with friendships so I didn’t know what to do and react so kept her at arms length for a while. In terms of the whole group thing I don’t think they don’t want to include me bc then they wouldn’t mKe this much effort with me it’s maybe more maybe they don’t know if I want to fully be a part of the group. Maybe I need to message on a gc with them all for them to know I do want to become a part of the group I am not sure. I have been doing things slowly with them for sure getting to know them slowly just bc I’m scared of being vulnerable. And also one of the girls really makes an effort with me but I think she’s just very confident in herself and knows how to include people. The other two after spending time with them very much rely on each other and don’t have any other friends so maybe need more of a push to include people?

Yeah but in the eyes of the friends they’d probably struggle to trust OP again because of how they ghosted them. Also OP said that they want to get back into the friend group, this suggests that they are good people. Personally, if I had been ghosted I’d also struggle to be friends with that person again but you have to explain the situation. You have to say why you ghosted them as it wasn’t related to them

I ghosted my whole friendship group for around a year. I needed some time away from them and now I want to become close with them but they have become closer with each other like really close. I see them all here and there but they haven’t invited me within a part of their group fully. Does anyone have any tips on what I should next.