The Student Room Group

Friendships at college

I started at a new college around a month ago now, and i've noticed that three of my friends who i have just introduced to eachother have become extremely close to the point i am being excluded.

(Examples include: Being pushed behind them on the pavement, being asked to do something as if an after thought, them constantly and i mean CONSTANTLY hanging out without me despite living in a 5min walk of me so transport is ruled out as a reason here)

I have known these people for different amounts of time with the shortest being 2 years. i understand that they are allowed to make knew friends and people grow apart but i can not help but think to myself, what have a done wrong?

I suffer with severe anxiety which is not helping with this at all and i extremely struggle to make new friends and fear i will not be able to now as people have already formed closed off friend circles.

Please help, any advice would be so useful <3
Original post by Anonymous
I started at a new college around a month ago now, and i've noticed that three of my friends who i have just introduced to eachother have become extremely close to the point i am being excluded.

(Examples include: Being pushed behind them on the pavement, being asked to do something as if an after thought, them constantly and i mean CONSTANTLY hanging out without me despite living in a 5min walk of me so transport is ruled out as a reason here)

I have known these people for different amounts of time with the shortest being 2 years. i understand that they are allowed to make knew friends and people grow apart but i can not help but think to myself, what have a done wrong?

I suffer with severe anxiety which is not helping with this at all and i extremely struggle to make new friends and fear i will not be able to now as people have already formed closed off friend circles.

Please help, any advice would be so useful <3


The funny thing is humans have weird behaviour in that they'll use you up for all your worth then leave you without saying a word. I think ignoring them and finding friends who value you is the best thing you can do for yourself. I have suffered anxiety and am introverted a lot too, all I recommend is you find people who represent the best parts of who you are and make yourself known to them. There are loads of good genuine people out there, you just have to persevere and find them.
Reply 2
If you truly think that they are kind of ignoring you in a way or or you are getting dismissed, like when you are talking at they kind of interrupt and shut you from talking. It's best that you kind of move on and don't yearn over those friends too much.

Sure, don't defriend them, just don't try continue or expand on the relationship and continue. Try making some other strong connection. Real friends would never leave you like this actually.

If you are presistent, try inviting one of those 2 friends and see how the meetup goes, if they seem dismissive. I think it's best you move on. Feeling excluded is a horrible feeling and I know it. I've experienced people like that before, and trust me.
It's ok and you'll defenitly meet more compassionate people.

I'm also very introverted, but I have tons of friends, and I've moved schools soooo many times. But I have always managed to make friends. I trsut me, making friends just kind of comes naturally.

One day, you talk to someone because of a project or soemthing, after that you glance, then you make small talk, then you say hi, then you hang out. You never actually become friends officially, like you don't say "hey lets be friends", but you technically are friends. After that point, you might have a birthday and that new "friend" tags you in an instgram post saying "HAPPY BDAY" or something.

Just remember how you made your first ever friend.
It will come naturally. JUST don't. resist.

If you need anything else just tell me!

Hope this helped!
(edited 6 months ago)
Reply 3
Original post by Noice_1
If you truly think that they are kind of ignoring you in a way or or you are getting dismissed, like when you are talking at they kind of interrupt and shut you from talking. It's best that you kind of move on and don't yearn over those friends too much.

Sure, don't defriend them, just don't try continue or expand on the relationship and continue. Try making some other strong connection. Real friends would never leave you like this actually.

If you are presistent, try inviting one of those 2 friends and see how the meetup goes, if they seem dismissive. I think it's best you move on. Feeling excluded is a horrible feeling and I know it. I've experienced people like that before, and trust me.
It's ok and you'll defenitly meet more compassionate people.

I'm also very introverted, but I have tons of friends, and I've moved schools soooo many times. But I have always managed to make friends. I trsut me, making friends just kind of comes naturally.

One day, you talk to someone because of a project or soemthing, after that you glance, then you make small talk, then you say hi, then you hang out. You never actually become friends officially, like you don't say "hey lets be friends", but you technically are friends. After that point, you might have a birthday and that new "friend" tags you in an instgram post saying "HAPPY BDAY" or something.

Just remember how you made your first ever friend.
It will come naturally. JUST don't. resist.

If you need anything else just tell me!

Hope this helped!

This has definitely helped ease my mind a bit as I tend to miss a few steps and jump to conclusions due to previous experience! I have a big group project coming up this week so I’m hoping to make some new friends there, but it just feels so overwhelming most of the time lmao. I’ll definitely try and observe my friends behaviour when I’m around them as that might help me as well!!

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