This might be a bit of a long read, but I need some advice. I am a 17-year-old Pakistani girl, and I would say that we are a fairly modern family as we live in the UK. As I go to a private school, I am constantly exposed to Western culture, such as drinking, vaping, drugs etc. It's pretty normal for everyone at my school, and I do get invited to parties, but never go as I am aware it is awful to spend your time exposed to forbidden activities. My siblings don't really pray often, perhaps 1/2 a day generally if my parents don't tell them to. My parents of course pray, read the Quran, fast. etc. I think I have always had a bigger concern about praying and reading the Quran, and I try to remain steadfast in my worship. I have read multiple books on spirituality, Sufism, and even the poetry of Attar/Rumi. To be honest, it has had a lasting effect on me, and I always feel like I am not doing enough. I gossip, my clothes are fairly modern, and most importantly, I do not wear the hijab. This has been a concern of mine for a while, and I do truly feel like it is my duty to. However, no one in my family wears it, and we are very close to our aunties/cousins. I see them a couple of times a week, and I am aware that if I were to wear the hijab, I would have to wear it in front of my male cousins. I would also say that my family is quite judgemental, and would definitely point something out if it is out of the ordinary. I just feel like it would become such a big deal, and I am honestly worried about how I would come across if I started wearing the hijab. It's hard to explain, but I don't want to be questioned and told that I am doing something 'amazing' by wearing it when it is very standard for a Muslim woman. It would just feel so awkward, and I need the confidence to begin wearing it. I also have no Muslim friends I can talk to, so again, I need some advice. Insha'allah, I am hoping to start wearing it for university, and I am looking forward to it. I'm tired of making excuses for my lack of modesty, and I desire to become a religious, well-educated woman insha'allah. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.