My anger is destroying me

20 year old female and my anger is already starting to corrode my life.
I dont even know where to start with it.
So basically, Anger is a cover up emotion for something else, it usually means suffering. I dont want to feel sorry for myself but admittedly i am depressed and i have been on and off since i was 13. I probably have undiagnosed aspergers as well. I think the reason for my anger is because i have bad experiences with other people, i have been backstabbed romantically and platonically and i borderline hate people, i hate seeing happy couples in love, i hate seeing my ex friends happy even though they hurt me and i hate life, i hate being here.
Im sorry that sounds heavy and malicious but that is how i feel about everything. Hate.
Ive decided i dont want any more friends or boyfriends. Ive accepted they aren't for me and i do truly believe i would be happiest single and alone. the problem is my anger, its really starting to ruin things.
I was fired from a job 3 weeks ago for snapping at a customer. I didnt shout at them but i did look visibly stressed as the shift was extremely unorganised and i was getting the brunt of it as i was new so i was getting the stress taken out from other members of staff. I have always held down a job and i was really upset when i got fired because its never happened before.
I snap at my parents at the slightest thing, it could be anything but ill just see red and burst in anger because i get so easily irritated at literally anything.
I also stormed out of a supermarket because my card kept declining. i just left. i was really embarrased about this so please try and understand. the problem looking back is i just stop thinking. when im starting to rise i stop thinking and just feel the anger so there is no rational part of me that can pull me back, i just see red and that is it, theres no stopping me.
I dont want to go on antidepressants because they make me feel numb and they kill my libido. i know i wont ever be having another relationship now but i still dont want that issue. Ive tried meditation so many times but my mind literally wanders after 2 seconds and i just cant get it to focus, ive tried journaling coping mechanisms but they all seem to fly out the window and be forgotten the minute i start getting irritable. i literally get irritated if people walk too slowly, i get irritated if it rains i just get irritated full stop, its really really bad. I read like crazy, ive been reading so many self help books but nothing seems to be working and i dont want to end up breaking the law or something because my anger got the better of me.