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Feedback on creative writing

Can someone please give me feedback on this creative writing piece ? Id appreciate it a lott

The saffron sunset beckoned to me, screamed my name as it stared with its enchanting eyes.

I sank into the office chair of uncomfort and misery and gazed, mesmerised, out of my window beside me. My eyes were fixed on the glorious sunset plastered across the sky. An amber haze dripped like honey on the streets of london, enchanting each civilian as they strolled by. The sun was slowly sinking below the horizon, casting long shadows across the streets below. The sky was awash with hues of amber, violet and bubblegum, creating a tapestry of color that took my breath away. A golden halo shone revealing blonde outlines of the blanketing sky. It was perfect and I felt a wave of peace and tranquillity wash upon me-purifying me of my sin.

As i looked out at the hypnotising scene before me, my thoughts started to wander. I couldn't help but feel a sense of longing for the days when I was free to roam the streets below, to explore the world and all its magic. I remembered the carefree times of my youth, when I wasn’t burdened with responsibilities and worries. My pounding heart ached with nostalgia. I simply missed the laughter of my companions and the soft glow of the sun caressing my young, docile face.

But as the sun went on to set, the once perfect sky suddenly turned grey, and the beauty of the sunset was no more. The merciless winds flexed their muscles as they viciously roared like an untameable beast. Nature was violated as the cinnamon leaves suffocated from the dangerous weather. Robins screeched and flapped their warlike wings waywardly. A natural phenomenon; gone,destroyed. I felt a surge of anger and frustration run through me like a current through a wire as I realized that i could never recapture those jovial sketches of my past. The world had moved on, forgotten me, and I was left alone in this office, trapped by the chains of my own making. The sunset was a symbol of what I was missing but this bleak, dismal, hellish sky was a symbol of what I have become. I am imprisoned by my own success and I cant help but feel immersed in regret.

Slamming my fist down on the desk, I felt the rage boiling up inside me. How could the world be so cruel, so heartless? How could it be that something so attractive could be eradicated in an instant, leaving nothing but darkness and despair?

Despite my best efforts to leave the 4 walls which defined my success. I knew that I couldn't leave, that i was trapped by the manacles of my mind, and that i would never be able to escape.

With a heavy heart, I remained at my desk, staring blankly at the computer screen in front of me. Men like me don’t leave buildings like this. In the black screen, I saw my reflection. The reflection of a man with no hope, no dreams, no aspirations.I was just a cog in a machine, a slave to the system, and i knew that I could never be free.

the office was now shrouded in darkness. I sat alone, lost in my train of thoughts, as the world outside continued to move. I give up. Could the angry sky have represented what I’ve gained? I’m a successful man. But at what cost?

Once again I looked through the glass beside me. I realised that the saffron sunset lies. Lies to innocent men like me. It manipulates. Manipulates minds as fragile as mine. It kills. Kills dreams, hopes and memories.


This is my first draft could someone give me feedback?

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