How to help my boyfriend through addiction?

My boyfriend and I are in our final year at uni, and have been together for 2 years. Our relationship has been good up until recently when we've had a big change in living situations and aren't able to see each other as much. Since this change, I've noticed he has become a lot more depressed, quick to anger, demotivated, and sometimes just plain rude. I assumed it was probably due to final year stress, but he recently admitted to me that he has an addiction to weed.

He has been smoking since last year but has always been able to use it responsibly up until now. Since I'm not able to see him as much, I had no idea this was going on. He told me smokes every day and relies on it to get to sleep. This has also been made worse by the fact that his housemate also smokes a lot and encourages him, which I have tried to mention to him before, but he just gets upset at me for 'placing blame' on his friend.

Obviously I am worried for his health, but this issue has also made my mental health plummet as I have been getting the brunt of his behaviour and personality changes. He picks fights constantly, jumps to conclusions and gets angry over very small things, and sometimes just has anger outbursts where he says quite hurtful and insulting things to me.

I have never dealt with addiction or know anyone who has experienced it before, so I am completely clueless about how to handle the situation. All I could think to do was to take his stash away from him, which he obviously got angry over and told me I was treating him like a child. Since then, he has been experiencing withdrawal symptoms as expected, and I feel awful having to put him through that but I don't know what else to do. I explained to him that this is a very heavy issue that should be dealt with through professional help, but he absolutely refuses to talk to someone about it, and gets angry whenever I suggest it.

Today he admitted to me that he is really unhappy with the way he has been treating me and wants to change, but knows it will be a long process (especially since he won't seek help and plans on 'dealing with it himself'). We have considered taking a break or seeing each other less so that he has time to sort himself out, and to give me a break from the mental and emotional stress. I do believe that this is the best way forward, but I am hesitant as I do rely on him for comfort (which has been rare lately), as I am also dealing with a lot of personal issues such as my living situation and overwhelming stress from work and uni. I know that this break will just make me feel completely isolated, but would probably be for the best in the long run.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get through this period, and what I could do to support him?

Reply 1

Dunnig Kruger

Something's not adding up here. Cannabis tends to make the smoker mellow out. And it's not physically addictive. Although the tobacco it's smoked with is. The anger and the rudeness is the opposite to what normally happens with dope smokers.
It sounds like he's on something else as well. Such as having a coke habit.

You should take a break from him or dump him.

Your final year of uni should not be particularly stressful. You've already done A levels and the first 2 years of your degree. The final year should be when you're specialising in the areas that you most enjoy and are interested in.
Maybe you're being too perfectionist? Does it really matter if you end up with a 3rd or a 1st?
If work is stressing you out, either chill out and take it less seriously or change jobs or drop work for the next 7 months.

Try to maintain an active social life at uni outside of your boyfriend.

Don't worry about your boyfriend's health. He's an adult. You've tried to influence him away from the substances. He's decided not to take your advice. His life. His choice. His increased chance of an early funeral and lower quality of life.

I think you'd be more compatible with a man with more self control than your boyfriend. And with one that's less argumentative, more emotionally stable. Whilst such men aren't ten a penny, there are enough of them about. So that you should never put up with a man that is dragging you down in the way that your current boyfriend is.

Reply 2

Zarek

I would go for the break to be honest. If he’s treating you badly and not willing to get some help then it’s not going to do you any good. Otherwise tell him you want to stay together, but that if he feels the same he’s got to do something. A bit of space for yourself and to focus on uni work might not be a bad thing