Pregnant & no partner

I feel like I’m going to get very much judged for this but me and my boyfriend broke up almost a week ago and before we broke up on the 27th July we had unprotected sex and he didn’t pull out (it was consentual and no that wasn’t the reason why we broke up) we broke up because his mental health is rapidly declining and he’s loosing himself and I’m kinda spiralling because I’m single and I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t feel right getting rid of it but I’m so young so I’m just a bit scared as I’m only 17.

I feel like I’m going to get very much judged for this but me and my boyfriend broke up almost a week ago and before we broke up on the 27th July we had unprotected sex and he didn’t pull out (it was consentual and no that wasn’t the reason why we broke up) we broke up because his mental health is rapidly declining and he’s loosing himself and I’m kinda spiralling because I’m single and I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t feel right getting rid of it but I’m so young so I’m just a bit scared as I’m only 17.

I’m also not on any form of birth control and afterwards we weren’t phased by it and we said we’ve gone through so much **** together that this is nothing and we’re now broken up and I kinda wanna keep it but argh I’m spiralling LMFAO slayy!!!

Well done for being brave to speak about it even too behind anon. Best advice would be first to reveal the news to your ex I would then get support for his mental health if that meant discussion with a general practitioner, and as he’s the father to your baby, and since your pregnant with his child I would make a joint discussion sat down over what to do it is essential that you reach out to him.

So you want to keep the child discuss it with him it’s only right that you do that at the same time take into consideration the upbringing of the child financial stability and also accommodation too.

me and my ex are still in contact and we’re friends. We had a conversation yesterday and we both agreed that when the time is right we will try again once we are more healed. Before we broke up he started getting help but it’s now backfired on him and social services involved etc and he’s now very clammed up and I’m just reminding him that he doesn’t need to mask the whole time and that he can still come to me. I’ve just messaged him this morning to tell him.

If social services are involved for him then it's elling me he is a real state. I personally wouldn't want a kid by a guy who was such a state particularly if the outlook was that he would never improve, unlikely too, or reoccurring problem. Also consider whether he is on drugs if he does that as that is a real issue potentially if he is? What is his mental health issue exactly?

Unless single motherhood is something that particularly grabs you then I would seriously consider an abortion. In addition consider that unless you're particularly attractive most if not all other guys are going to be put off getting with you. Few guys want to clean up after another guys sex life by bringing up someone else's kid.

If you got pregnant by one guy then you can get pregnant by another so better getting pregnant by a guy who is not a mental health wreck who may never get it together or go off with some other woman. Is there any chance that his mental health problems may be passed on to the baby? i.e is it genetic.

Also consider that it's a great responsibility bringing up a baby. He obviously is going to be a non starter in that so it will be all down to you. Financially I assume he has no capacity to provide and you would be looking after the kid so unless your parents, etc are willing to step in then I'm guessing it will all be living in the welfare state and that isn't great.

If there was some go in a relationship then I wouldn't usually comment as I don't like to have any sway over who gets put in this planet or not. To some extent there is no telling what will work out well and what won't in terms of people having kids but I don't think you are in a great position here and should consider an abortion particularly as it is at such an early stage.

Is there a chance that you could find a better dating prospect who you could have kids with in the future instead?

no single motherhood does not grab me funnily enough I don’t care if guys aren’t into me because no guy I’ve met but him has been worth my time. My ex healed me in ways he doesn’t even realise. He made me be a better person he always encouraged me to be better to do better etc. He is not a “wreck” he is struggling and I think anyone would be struggling if they have had to deal with what he been through. No his mental health problems wouldn’t be passed onto the baby, he has some unhealed trauma which he is in denial about. In financial aspects he is fine he gets paid well and so do I.

You're 17! How well can a 17 year old be paid? Most youngsters in their late teens work in low paid supermarket jobs, restaurant jobs, fast food jobs, etc. Very few people your age earn good money. You may think it is good compared to when you were a child but for bringing up a child it can take a lot of you are providing for that child yourself.

Surprise, surprise the guy is on drugs. Drugs are never any answer to a bad situation. Odds are he could go downhill more from here. Do you really want his child if he may not get better but worse?

Bad situations happen to many people in life it's very difficult when it happens but turning to drugs just makes things worse. I would say don't try to 'fix' a guy that isn't right, leave that to the professionals. Even if you stick with him it's highly unlikely that you will have fixed him. Many girls fall into that trap that they try to fix a guy who cannot be fixed. It sounds like he is giving you the hint that it's a no go, I would take it and really seriously consider if you want to keep this baby. Once you have it youwill be tied to a guy who doesn't seem to want to know or likely to be in any fit state in the future to be much use at all.

I feel like I’m going to get very much judged for this but me and my boyfriend broke up almost a week ago and before we broke up on the 27th July we had unprotected sex and he didn’t pull out (it was consentual and no that wasn’t the reason why we broke up) we broke up because his mental health is rapidly declining and he’s loosing himself and I’m kinda spiralling because I’m single and I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t feel right getting rid of it but I’m so young so I’m just a bit scared as I’m only 17.

AHAHAHAHHA STOP NOT THE TELLING ME “I CANT FIX HIM” I SCREAMED. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told I’m a “fix him girl”. I’m actually ****ing myself😭😭😭😭. I’m paid £13.80 an hour and working 40-48 hours a week. So no i am being paid well for my age. They said when I’m 18 they want me to be a manager and I’d be on 26,000 yearly. I know drugs aren’t the answer to problems I myself almost got addicted but I stopped myself so I know what it’s like. I know he’s going to get better he just needs to be pushed into getting help he’s not helpless or a lost cause.

im not going to go into the full extents of that as I don’t feel comfortable but he has a lot of trauma. He recently went through a traumatic experience when he was away on holiday with his family and it has very much impacted him. The reason why social services are involved is because something happened to him when he was 12 years old it has nothing to do with what is happening rn. He needs support and I’m trying to help him as much as I can but he doesn’t want support he tells me I’m waisting my time when I know I’m not he’s the one I want to spend my life with. I don’t care how long it takes I want him to be happy and I want to do whatever I can to help him. Yes he is taking drugs but that’s only very recent because he is struggling with what happened to him when he was on holiday, he’s not an addict he’s not a drugee he’s struggling a lot.

I feel like I’m going to get very much judged for this but me and my boyfriend broke up almost a week ago and before we broke up on the 27th July we had unprotected sex and he didn’t pull out (it was consentual and no that wasn’t the reason why we broke up) we broke up because his mental health is rapidly declining and he’s loosing himself and I’m kinda spiralling because I’m single and I’m pregnant and I don’t know just a bit scared as I’m only 17.

You're 17! How well can a 17 year old be paid? Most youngsters in their late teens work in low paid supermarket jobs, restaurant jobs, fast food jobs, etc. Very few people your age earn good money. You may think it is good compared to when you were a child but for bringing up a child it can take a lot of you are providing for that child yourself.

Surprise, surprise the guy is on drugs. Drugs are never any answer to a bad situation. Odds are he could go downhill more from here. Do you really want his child if he may not get better but worse?

Bad situations happen to many people in life it's very difficult when it happens but turning to drugs just makes things worse. I would say don't try to 'fix' a guy that isn't right, leave that to the professionals. Even if you stick with him it's highly unlikely that you will have fixed him. Many girls fall into that trap that they try to fix a guy who cannot be fixed. It sounds like he is giving you the hint that it's a no go, I would take it and really seriously consider if you want to keep this baby. Once you have it you will be tied to a guy who doesn't seem to want to know or likely to be in any fit state in the future to be much use at all.

AHAHAHAHHA STOP NOT THE TELLING ME “I CANT FIX HIM” I SCREAMED. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told I’m a “fix him girl”. I’m actually ****ing myself😭😭😭😭. I’m paid £13.80 an hour and working 40-48 hours a week. So no i am being paid well for my age. They said when I’m 18 they want me to be a manager and I’d be on 26,000 yearly. I know drugs aren’t the answer to problems I myself almost got addicted but I stopped myself so I know what it’s like. I know he’s going to get better he just needs to be pushed into getting help he’s not helpless or a lost cause.

So basically you both were drug addicts?