Moving out for Uni
Hi all,
I am currently in Year 13 and have received all my offers for university. I have applied only in London, as I live here as I was planning to stay home to study.
However, I really think I need to move out as I no longer feel supported at home, neither do I feel like the environment is good enough for me anymore.
I think, the immense stress at home, the lack of space and constant arguments is already getting to me, where I am struggling with my A-levels.
Despite just doing mocks like last week and not having gone school today due to an appointment my mum is forcing me to revise and study for the real thing from today and will refuse to let me attend my extra-curricular activities or do my sports that I play.
I feel as if, if this continues throughout my degree I will burn out or even before that, and I will end up doing worse than I am capable off.
Now, she will not let me move out for university. She Muslim and South Asian and she keeps arguing with me and making up excuses and comparing me to her friends children who travel 3-4 hours to get to uni and back everyday which I do not think I can do.
Once I turn 18, this will in fact not change and she may even stop talking to me.
I really need help on how to convince her, or how to manage this environment throughout university before it is too late too decide.
If you suggest I stay out at the library studying, she will not let me as she expects me home early at around 4-5pm which I do not think is possible.
Sorry, if the wording is a bit off. I am just really lost and confused right now and any help will be appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
I am currently in Year 13 and have received all my offers for university. I have applied only in London, as I live here as I was planning to stay home to study.
However, I really think I need to move out as I no longer feel supported at home, neither do I feel like the environment is good enough for me anymore.
I think, the immense stress at home, the lack of space and constant arguments is already getting to me, where I am struggling with my A-levels.
Despite just doing mocks like last week and not having gone school today due to an appointment my mum is forcing me to revise and study for the real thing from today and will refuse to let me attend my extra-curricular activities or do my sports that I play.
I feel as if, if this continues throughout my degree I will burn out or even before that, and I will end up doing worse than I am capable off.
Now, she will not let me move out for university. She Muslim and South Asian and she keeps arguing with me and making up excuses and comparing me to her friends children who travel 3-4 hours to get to uni and back everyday which I do not think I can do.
Once I turn 18, this will in fact not change and she may even stop talking to me.
I really need help on how to convince her, or how to manage this environment throughout university before it is too late too decide.
If you suggest I stay out at the library studying, she will not let me as she expects me home early at around 4-5pm which I do not think is possible.
Sorry, if the wording is a bit off. I am just really lost and confused right now and any help will be appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
Hiya hope you're doing well.
I also have a similar background and I had to convince my parents a bit. It breaks my heart reading this, I hope your dream comes true.
What I did is convince my parents is I told them that the course is more special at said uni. For example, my chosen uni offers better placements meaning future prospects are way better compared to the others. You have to convince her that no other uni does the 'special' thing that you must do to progress in your chosen career and you need time to revise. If you haven't already told her, saying that you can request single sex accommodation might also help.
I also have a similar background and I had to convince my parents a bit. It breaks my heart reading this, I hope your dream comes true.
What I did is convince my parents is I told them that the course is more special at said uni. For example, my chosen uni offers better placements meaning future prospects are way better compared to the others. You have to convince her that no other uni does the 'special' thing that you must do to progress in your chosen career and you need time to revise. If you haven't already told her, saying that you can request single sex accommodation might also help.
(edited 3 months ago)
Original post by Pondinglawyer
Hiya hope you're doing well.
I also have a similar background and I had to convince my parents a bit. It breaks my heart reading this, I hope your dream comes true.
What I did is convince my parents is I told them that the course is more special at said uni. For example, my chosen uni offers better placements meaning future prospects are way better compared to the others. You have to convince her that no other uni does the 'special' thing that you must do to progress in your chosen career and you need time to revise. If you already told her, saying that you can request single sex accommodation might also help.
I also have a similar background and I had to convince my parents a bit. It breaks my heart reading this, I hope your dream comes true.
What I did is convince my parents is I told them that the course is more special at said uni. For example, my chosen uni offers better placements meaning future prospects are way better compared to the others. You have to convince her that no other uni does the 'special' thing that you must do to progress in your chosen career and you need time to revise. If you already told her, saying that you can request single sex accommodation might also help.
Hi, sorry for my late reply.
I really appreciate your words, they mean a lot so thank you so much.
I will try telling her it is important for the course. I have somewhat spoken to my dad and I mentioned mum will not let me and he didn't say much and just asked if any universities closer offered the courses and I just said it was closest and all the others are further out, so I will try asking him again which hopefully works!!
I will also mention the single sex accom, I did not think of that, thank you !!
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all,
I am currently in Year 13 and have received all my offers for university. I have applied only in London, as I live here as I was planning to stay home to study.
However, I really think I need to move out as I no longer feel supported at home, neither do I feel like the environment is good enough for me anymore.
I think, the immense stress at home, the lack of space and constant arguments is already getting to me, where I am struggling with my A-levels.
Despite just doing mocks like last week and not having gone school today due to an appointment my mum is forcing me to revise and study for the real thing from today and will refuse to let me attend my extra-curricular activities or do my sports that I play.
I feel as if, if this continues throughout my degree I will burn out or even before that, and I will end up doing worse than I am capable off.
Now, she will not let me move out for university. She Muslim and South Asian and she keeps arguing with me and making up excuses and comparing me to her friends children who travel 3-4 hours to get to uni and back everyday which I do not think I can do.
Once I turn 18, this will in fact not change and she may even stop talking to me.
I really need help on how to convince her, or how to manage this environment throughout university before it is too late too decide.
If you suggest I stay out at the library studying, she will not let me as she expects me home early at around 4-5pm which I do not think is possible.
Sorry, if the wording is a bit off. I am just really lost and confused right now and any help will be appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
I am currently in Year 13 and have received all my offers for university. I have applied only in London, as I live here as I was planning to stay home to study.
However, I really think I need to move out as I no longer feel supported at home, neither do I feel like the environment is good enough for me anymore.
I think, the immense stress at home, the lack of space and constant arguments is already getting to me, where I am struggling with my A-levels.
Despite just doing mocks like last week and not having gone school today due to an appointment my mum is forcing me to revise and study for the real thing from today and will refuse to let me attend my extra-curricular activities or do my sports that I play.
I feel as if, if this continues throughout my degree I will burn out or even before that, and I will end up doing worse than I am capable off.
Now, she will not let me move out for university. She Muslim and South Asian and she keeps arguing with me and making up excuses and comparing me to her friends children who travel 3-4 hours to get to uni and back everyday which I do not think I can do.
Once I turn 18, this will in fact not change and she may even stop talking to me.
I really need help on how to convince her, or how to manage this environment throughout university before it is too late too decide.
If you suggest I stay out at the library studying, she will not let me as she expects me home early at around 4-5pm which I do not think is possible.
Sorry, if the wording is a bit off. I am just really lost and confused right now and any help will be appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
Regularly commuting 3-4 hours is incredibly tough and insane, in my opinion, having personally done a 3.5-hour round trip to go to my sixth form... it's not fun at all. I feel very sorry for the children of her friends who are made to do this for university, which is obviously a step up from school and who probably don't welcome this commute and suffer in their performance due to some of this dead time and being tired from travelling. Your mum should not be using that as an example of things to do. In fact I'd be ashamed of having friends who forced these commutes upon their children.
If she also expects you to be home by 5PM at the latest she's also due for a shock - I have lectures that finish at 6PM. Does your mother also want you to time travel on your way back home from a 6PM lecture?
I have exceedingly little patience for parents wishing to control their grown up children, from witnessing the effect this had on somebody who was very dear to me. It is your life and you're absolutely right in wanting to move out if that's what you think it's best, and your parents shouldn't stop you. If I were you, I'd apply for accomodation anyway. If your parents aren't supportive and are conflictive towards you growing up and finding your own two feet in the world (as it seems to be the case based on your description of your home life at the minute), well, you can do this without them too.
Do make sure to seek help in school about this too.
Original post by Scotland Yard
Regularly commuting 3-4 hours is incredibly tough and insane, in my opinion, having personally done a 3.5-hour round trip to go to my sixth form... it's not fun at all. I feel very sorry for the children of her friends who are made to do this for university, which is obviously a step up from school and who probably don't welcome this commute and suffer in their performance due to some of this dead time and being tired from travelling. Your mum should not be using that as an example of things to do. In fact I'd be ashamed of having friends who forced these commutes upon their children.
If she also expects you to be home by 5PM at the latest she's also due for a shock - I have lectures that finish at 6PM. Does your mother also want you to time travel on your way back home from a 6PM lecture?
I have exceedingly little patience for parents wishing to control their grown up children, from witnessing the effect this had on somebody who was very dear to me. It is your life and you're absolutely right in wanting to move out if that's what you think it's best, and your parents shouldn't stop you. If I were you, I'd apply for accomodation anyway. If your parents aren't supportive and are conflictive towards you growing up and finding your own two feet in the world (as it seems to be the case based on your description of your home life at the minute), well, you can do this without them too.
Do make sure to seek help in school about this too.
If she also expects you to be home by 5PM at the latest she's also due for a shock - I have lectures that finish at 6PM. Does your mother also want you to time travel on your way back home from a 6PM lecture?
I have exceedingly little patience for parents wishing to control their grown up children, from witnessing the effect this had on somebody who was very dear to me. It is your life and you're absolutely right in wanting to move out if that's what you think it's best, and your parents shouldn't stop you. If I were you, I'd apply for accomodation anyway. If your parents aren't supportive and are conflictive towards you growing up and finding your own two feet in the world (as it seems to be the case based on your description of your home life at the minute), well, you can do this without them too.
Do make sure to seek help in school about this too.
To be fair, some students might do a 3-4 hour commute not because their parents forced them to but because they have no other choice e.g they are a carer for example or they want to go to a specific university but refuse to live on campus (fear of homesickness).
But other than that I agree being expected to do this simply because you’re parents made you do it is silly and I see a lot of these types of threads on TSR (same story, same background, same location it seems (London) etc).
1 hours commute everyday each way for me to go to sixth form. It didn’t bother me that much (leaving home at 7:00 was the annoying bit, not having to do a 1 hour commute) but I said nope I’m not doing this again unless I went to university X and Y which didn’t offer the course I wanted to do anyway.
Original post by Talkative Toad
To be fair, some students might do a 3-4 hour commute not because their parents forced them to but because they have no other choice e.g they are a carer for example or they want to go to a specific university but refuse to live on campus (fear of homesickness).
But other than that I agree being expected to do this simply because you’re parents made you do it is silly and I see a lot of these types of threads on TSR (same story, same background, same location it seems (London) etc).
1 hours commute everyday each way for me to go to sixth form. It didn’t bother me that much (leaving home at 7:00 was the annoying bit, not having to do a 1 hour commute) but I said nope I’m not doing this again unless I went to university X and Y which didn’t offer the course I wanted to do anyway.
But other than that I agree being expected to do this simply because you’re parents made you do it is silly and I see a lot of these types of threads on TSR (same story, same background, same location it seems (London) etc).
1 hours commute everyday each way for me to go to sixth form. It didn’t bother me that much (leaving home at 7:00 was the annoying bit, not having to do a 1 hour commute) but I said nope I’m not doing this again unless I went to university X and Y which didn’t offer the course I wanted to do anyway.
I know that. I did my horribly long commute to sixth form out of choice, but people that do this sort of long commute out of choice are few and far between.
Original post by Scotland Yard
I know that. I did my horribly long commute to sixth form out of choice, but people that do this sort of long commute out of choice are few and far between.
That's true, yeah in my case I effectively had no choice (not because of parents).
I think you should just go and do it stop involving your parents because they obviously won’t support you. Easier said than done I know so a bit of planning is needed. But before you decide to just go maybe ask your parents why they don’t want you to go because there may be ways to alleviate fears tell them about single sex halls and show them the SU ISOC page (you don’t have to join if you don’t want to it’s just so they know it’s there). If that doesn’t work you might need to take a more proactive approach.
This is a bit drastic but it’s worth it in the long run and for your future career:
1/ When you start your application give the postal address of a trusted friend who can give your post at collage or something instead of it getting sent to your house so your parents can’t open it.
2/ It's important to get student finance sorted get your parents to fill in their parts first then fill in your parts at collage before sending it off.
3/ You will need a few supplies for this to work:
4/ See if you can store the hold all at your friends house or hide it at home with an excuse as to why you have it something like you want to use it when you go abroad or some thing. you'll want to slowly move some clothes over in to as uni approaches give your self 3 or even 4 weeks.
5/ Get your self a train ticket to your uni city for the first train you can on move in week.
6/ The night before you leave once your parents are asleep move all your chargers and electronics etc over to your backpack and write a letter saying you've gone to uni and you'll see them at Christmas.
7/ Wake up as early as you can (before your parents get up or if they work wait until they leave for work) and go to the station leaving your letter where your parents will find it,
8/ Block your parents phone numbers if they use another number say I'll call at 7 and hang up and block that number too.They will try and are very good at emotional blackmail and you don't wan to deal with that.
9/ Once you get to the halls move in if you can if you can't yet see if you can leave your hold all and go and buy things you couldn't bring like food.
10/ At 7 put your pay as you go sim in to your phone and phone your parents withholding your number if they start any silliness "your Mother is crying" "we'll kill ourselves" That's the emotional blackmail hang up immediately and put your main sim back in your phone. it may take a few tries but once they relies those tactics aren't working they hopefully should come around.
This is a bit drastic but it’s worth it in the long run and for your future career:
1/ When you start your application give the postal address of a trusted friend who can give your post at collage or something instead of it getting sent to your house so your parents can’t open it.
2/ It's important to get student finance sorted get your parents to fill in their parts first then fill in your parts at collage before sending it off.
3/ You will need a few supplies for this to work:
•
A big holdall bag.
•
A pay as you go sim card.
•
A laptop bag.
•
lap top or tablet (so worth it for uni).
4/ See if you can store the hold all at your friends house or hide it at home with an excuse as to why you have it something like you want to use it when you go abroad or some thing. you'll want to slowly move some clothes over in to as uni approaches give your self 3 or even 4 weeks.
5/ Get your self a train ticket to your uni city for the first train you can on move in week.
6/ The night before you leave once your parents are asleep move all your chargers and electronics etc over to your backpack and write a letter saying you've gone to uni and you'll see them at Christmas.
7/ Wake up as early as you can (before your parents get up or if they work wait until they leave for work) and go to the station leaving your letter where your parents will find it,
8/ Block your parents phone numbers if they use another number say I'll call at 7 and hang up and block that number too.They will try and are very good at emotional blackmail and you don't wan to deal with that.
9/ Once you get to the halls move in if you can if you can't yet see if you can leave your hold all and go and buy things you couldn't bring like food.
10/ At 7 put your pay as you go sim in to your phone and phone your parents withholding your number if they start any silliness "your Mother is crying" "we'll kill ourselves" That's the emotional blackmail hang up immediately and put your main sim back in your phone. it may take a few tries but once they relies those tactics aren't working they hopefully should come around.
(edited 3 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hi all,
I am currently in Year 13 and have received all my offers for university. I have applied only in London, as I live here as I was planning to stay home to study.
However, I really think I need to move out as I no longer feel supported at home, neither do I feel like the environment is good enough for me anymore.
I think, the immense stress at home, the lack of space and constant arguments is already getting to me, where I am struggling with my A-levels.
Despite just doing mocks like last week and not having gone school today due to an appointment my mum is forcing me to revise and study for the real thing from today and will refuse to let me attend my extra-curricular activities or do my sports that I play.
I feel as if, if this continues throughout my degree I will burn out or even before that, and I will end up doing worse than I am capable off.
Now, she will not let me move out for university. She Muslim and South Asian and she keeps arguing with me and making up excuses and comparing me to her friends children who travel 3-4 hours to get to uni and back everyday which I do not think I can do.
Once I turn 18, this will in fact not change and she may even stop talking to me.
I really need help on how to convince her, or how to manage this environment throughout university before it is too late too decide.
If you suggest I stay out at the library studying, she will not let me as she expects me home early at around 4-5pm which I do not think is possible.
Sorry, if the wording is a bit off. I am just really lost and confused right now and any help will be appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
I am currently in Year 13 and have received all my offers for university. I have applied only in London, as I live here as I was planning to stay home to study.
However, I really think I need to move out as I no longer feel supported at home, neither do I feel like the environment is good enough for me anymore.
I think, the immense stress at home, the lack of space and constant arguments is already getting to me, where I am struggling with my A-levels.
Despite just doing mocks like last week and not having gone school today due to an appointment my mum is forcing me to revise and study for the real thing from today and will refuse to let me attend my extra-curricular activities or do my sports that I play.
I feel as if, if this continues throughout my degree I will burn out or even before that, and I will end up doing worse than I am capable off.
Now, she will not let me move out for university. She Muslim and South Asian and she keeps arguing with me and making up excuses and comparing me to her friends children who travel 3-4 hours to get to uni and back everyday which I do not think I can do.
Once I turn 18, this will in fact not change and she may even stop talking to me.
I really need help on how to convince her, or how to manage this environment throughout university before it is too late too decide.
If you suggest I stay out at the library studying, she will not let me as she expects me home early at around 4-5pm which I do not think is possible.
Sorry, if the wording is a bit off. I am just really lost and confused right now and any help will be appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
I'm also in a similar position to you, I'm also a South Asian Muslim girl and I've applied to London unis too. I agree with the needing more space and how suffocating it feels. You need to help them see how much it'll affect you if you stay here, bring in how your studies will be affected and mention how its better academically to live there. You can also reassure her by the fact you won't be moving too far because you live in London already. Worse comes to worse have a full mental breakdown amd Asian parents are scared if that, my mum is slowly coming round to rhe idea I'm leaving for first year at least.
Original post by cleorrrr
I'm also in a similar position to you, I'm also a South Asian Muslim girl and I've applied to London unis too. I agree with the needing more space and how suffocating it feels. You need to help them see how much it'll affect you if you stay here, bring in how your studies will be affected and mention how its better academically to live there. You can also reassure her by the fact you won't be moving too far because you live in London already. Worse comes to worse have a full mental breakdown amd Asian parents are scared if that, my mum is slowly coming round to rhe idea I'm leaving for first year at least.
This makes me feel better that I am not alone, as my school is girls only as well and everyone is moving out Asian or not I really felt alone and I can't even speak to my friends about it as my closest one is literally going abroad, despite being Pakistani!!
I have hope to mention this in the next conversation, as it is only London and she can literally come over if she is that scared herself.
I haven't had a mental breakdown fully yet, but I know and hope I can convince her, it's just her friends daughter putting this ideology in her head it is so frustrating because nobody even asked her.
I hope your mum does agree, praying for you girl!! Even just first year will be perfect for me.
Original post by Anonymous #1
This makes me feel better that I am not alone, as my school is girls only as well and everyone is moving out Asian or not I really felt alone and I can't even speak to my friends about it as my closest one is literally going abroad, despite being Pakistani!!
I have hope to mention this in the next conversation, as it is only London and she can literally come over if she is that scared herself.
I haven't had a mental breakdown fully yet, but I know and hope I can convince her, it's just her friends daughter putting this ideology in her head it is so frustrating because nobody even asked her.
I hope your mum does agree, praying for you girl!! Even just first year will be perfect for me.
I have hope to mention this in the next conversation, as it is only London and she can literally come over if she is that scared herself.
I haven't had a mental breakdown fully yet, but I know and hope I can convince her, it's just her friends daughter putting this ideology in her head it is so frustrating because nobody even asked her.
I hope your mum does agree, praying for you girl!! Even just first year will be perfect for me.
I agree with you man, everybody I know how full permission to leave but I nearly had to make a PowerPoint. The mental breakdown is just a lil tip if it gets too bad hun so don't worry too much.
I also pray for you too xxx
Original post by cleorrrr
I agree with you man, everybody I know how full permission to leave but I nearly had to make a PowerPoint. The mental breakdown is just a lil tip if it gets too bad hun so don't worry too much.
I also pray for you too xxx
I also pray for you too xxx
Not the PowerPoint girl please haha, I may resort to this on results day honestly if everything fails.
Yes off course girl, wish u all the best!! and do let me know if anything changes for you <33
hi, i completely understand your point of view as a west african muslimah who moved to this country a less than ten years ago, in a similar situation. i think as others said, reassuring her of single sex accoms and the ease of distance meaning she can come visit whenever she feels.
and i know this isnt going to be directly helpful but i want to let you know you're definitely not alone. it will all work out and this moment will be something to look back on in future inshallah. i hope it all goes well with you! xx
and i know this isnt going to be directly helpful but i want to let you know you're definitely not alone. it will all work out and this moment will be something to look back on in future inshallah. i hope it all goes well with you! xx
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