I'm worried I'll never make friends

I'm in my second year of uni and have tried everything I can to make friends. I've joined societies etc, but just can't make friends with anyone. I'm on a dating site, work really hard to make my profile look good, but barely any girls reply. My best chance to make friends was with my housemates in freshers year. I messed that up, I was too nervous and awkward at the time. They got a bad impression of me, that has stuck and won't go away.

I'm terrified that my life is over at 19, I don't know where I'm going to make friends in the future. Work maybe, but at most I'll make one or two. Where else? I think if you reach 19 and you haven't got any friends then it becomes impossible to make friends. The sort of things that shy people normally like, I just don't. I like sport which is for outgoing people from what I've experienced. I'm worried that I will never lead a normal life, and that I'll never have proper friends or a girlfriend. I'm scared about what will happen if my life is still like this in a few years time. I'm worried I might end it all.

Reply 1

Tel8

First thing's first: DON'T PANIC

Second thing: stop trying. Honestly, I used to worry about the same sorts of things, but when you try so hard to make friends, it makes you come across as a bit manic and overeager. Relax. Do things you enjoy because you enjoy doing them, smile at people when they look at you, and make small talk while you're in the same vicinity as someone else- be it an elevator, a classroom, or even a stairwell. You'd be surprised how good you feel just communicating. Use that to build up your social confidence.

Your life is NOT over because you haven't made friends yet, stop jumping so far ahead! Most work environments are condensed into small groups working on different things. You'd be with a steady group of other people most days, all of whom have something in common with you: they work for your company. Of course you'll make friends or at least acquaintances unless you're just a terrible person or something. It's almost a certainty.

Next thing: you're only 19. I know people hate being told that, I'm 21 myself and I keep getting the whole "you're just a kid" thing from everybody. Stupid. But unfortunately, true. We're really young! I promise, you have a long life ahead to meet many, many people. Some of them will be friends, some won't. Don't get too far ahead of yourself! It just adds unnecessary pressure.

Don't worry about your housemates. If they're going to judge you by how you were at time when everyone is nervous and awkward, then they're really not people you want to hang with are they? There's no "cut off" point when you can't make friends anymore. Even at 30 your flexibility, stamina and youthful physique may be starting to fail, but you can totally still make friends.

Don't end your life because you're unsatisfied with your social interactions- that right there is the mark of child. Stop basing every happiness you can possible imagine on having friends. Trust me- you will have them! Half the time they're just baggage too, but you will have them! You need to seriously calm down, and think rationally. In your current state of mind, I doubt that people will want to hang out with you when you sound like you might jump in front of the next bus- please, just take a deep breath! You will find friends, you will have a girlfriend (that too is mostly just drama, but I assure you it will happen to you) and you will find your own way to be happy- because that's what attracts people to you! When someone meets or looks at you and they see someone who's happy and well adjusted, they're a thousand times more likely to want to hang out and be your friend, you need to find that happiness in yourself though. Having a bunch of people who have your number isn't going to do it for you.

And at the very last of it, if you really really feel like you can't find anyone to be friends with at all, I'll be your friend. There you go! See how easy it is? :smile:

Hope this helped at least a little,
Tel

(edited 12 years ago)

dont TRY to find friends, just go with it, you WILL leave university with friends, good friends!
and no, your life is not over...
you should just act yourself when your with your housemates, they will eventually befriend you

Reply 4

Golden_Boy786

Sorry to say but your screwed. If you keep shying away from opportunities. You need to build up self-confidence in yourself and always think that not only you can make friends but you will make friends.

Just be yourself, DONT PANIC. Talk to people you would like to interact with. Look at their personalities listen to their conversations and try and finding something in common between you and them. Thats a good start.

Try this first then P.M me if you need more help.

Reply 5

sexbo

Original post by Tel8

This is good advice. I am far better at making friends when I am not bothered. As for getting a girlfriend, whether I try or not I always fail at that lol.

I share your feelings about making friends after uni though. As far as I can see one's only contact with the outside world after uni is at your job. And jobs unlike uni are most certainly not designed to be "social places where you have the time of your life"

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 6

Primscot

Work probably is the main place in which you make friends after uni but by no means the only one. I am shy but I made friends with neighbours, also through clubs which I went to through genuine interest in what was going on there, standing at the bus stop and talking to people who also waited on a regular basis and the same could be said for going to and watching sport, walking the dog, people I met through my family. Life after uni is easier and you meet a greater cross section of people. Very best of luck with it.