Friendzone

I see so many posts on the 'friendzone' and thought I'd write something from a girl's POV (who's dated both guys that are *******s, too shy and a couple that are just right).

Being 'friendzoned' is not something that happens outside anyone's control, like a curse that has hit you. And it has nothing to do with being 'too nice'.
There are a few scenarios that are the most common:
- Girl likes guy's personality, but is not sexually attracted to him. She enjoys keeping him as a friend.
- Girl is not sexually attracted but due to how close she is to the guy (mutual friends, same school/work), she doesn't want to make it awkward and uncomfortable with rejection.
- This one stands alone or often in the combination of the two above: Guy has never made an actual move.

I don't mean a 'move' as in encouraging to hang out or do homework together, I mean 'move' as in expressing genuine sexual attraction, trying to kiss her etc. If she is not interested, it will become clear there and then, and nobody will be 'strung along'. First impressions count, and most people have a clue whether they are sexually interested within at least the first two dates. There is no reason to try to get close and friendly over a course of 3 months. You cannot expect a girl to cut contact or 'reject' you if there has never been an actual advance - firstly, she might be completely unaware of your affection. Secondly, even if she IS aware, girls look for men whom are sexually interested in them and confident about it. That does not interfere with being a gentleman. Being a gentleman means respecting her boundaries (a no is a no), but you should not refrain from making an advance in the first place. Asking her out to dinner means you can get a yes or a no, asking her to come upstairs will get you a yes or a no, trying to kiss her will have her kiss back or back off. This will save you a lot of time.

If a girl is simply not sexually attracted to you, it can be difficult to figure out if that is due to your approach and way of interacting with her or your looks/personality. This is the same for everybody - if a guy doesn't call a girl back, she can be stuck wondering if she's not pretty enough/interesting enough/if he doesn't want commitment from anyone. You can improve your appearance, work on your personality and practice approaching women, but in the end, not everybody can fancy everybody, and that's just how it is.
I'm not trying to defend either gender here; if a guy has made an advance and the girl is not interested, she should clearly say so.
The 'friendzone' is sometimes a rejection that cannot be helped due to her simply not being interested, but about half the time it CAN be helped by a guy being more comfortable with his masculinity and establishing a romantic tone from early on. If you stick around and listen to her problems about dating another guy in a secret hope that she will one day date YOU, walk away. If you keep that going, you have friendzoned yourself (which is what happens 90% of the time). It's the same ridiculous time waste as when girls try to get close to a guy who has a girlfriend or start being FWBs with someone they fancy.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 1

TheInformer

Some good points.

A lot of it comes down to guys leaving it too long before making a move/ trying to escalate things. The sooner the better in most cases as it saves a lot of time and you know where you stand.

Also to add, there is a difference between being nice and "too nice". Nice guys can still be successful with women as long as they have other more masculine qualities such as being dominant, not a pushover etc.

Guys who are considered "too nice" are often friend-zoned because they act more like women than men, throwing unwarranted compliments at her and showering her with attention for no-reason.

Reply 2

trapzbrah

Original post by TheInformer

Guys who are considered "too nice" are often friend-zoned because they act more like women than men, throwing unwarranted compliments at her and showering her with attention for no-reason.

Too much real life

Reply 3

Manny92

i've been friendzone 4 almost 15months shall i continue with her or wot lol ?

Reply 4

naruto69r

Original post by Manny92

i've been friendzone 4 almost 15months shall i continue with her or wot lol ?

Cut your losses and move on. There is a sea of chicks out there! I've fallen for a couple of girls and mucked it up and ended up in the friendzone, Jesus the breath of fresh air over your mind that comes with meeting a new girl who is:
A) better than the ones you messed up with
B) you're thinking about her and not the old (good for moving on, not getting consumed with the clingy needy behaviour of jealousy)
C) you got a clean chance with the new one

Its all about the positive mental attitude, I now know that if I mess it up with this new chick I recently met, it won't matter because I am confident enough within myself to know I will just meet another one. If you have that belief/confidence instilled within you it will make your current engagements with whoever you've recently met be more likely to succeed and lead to something - you're not displaying needy behaviour which turns women off because you no longer possess this fear that "if I don't nail this I will never get another chance"

Reply 5

doobucks

Yeah you're right, that reminds me, there's one girl I like, but I have not made a move and she sort of showed some attraction e.g. trying to walk near me and sit near me but I didn't make a move. I think she has a guy now but I don't care anymore, I think I've just gone over it and realised that I should just be confident in who I am and not friendzone myself.