I think I’ve been ‘friend-zoned’ …

So,

I’ve known a girl at work for 5 years and we really get on. We’ve talked about a lot of things over the years, speaking almost daily. We’ve spoke in depth about relationships and everything else life chucks at you.

We have had a few moments over the years when she split with her now ex-boyfriend - but he managed to worm his way back in, naturally until now.

She’s just got out of a relationship with him and made him pack his bags and leave around 4 months ago - she found he was cheating on her. Scumbag.

Anyway, I’ve always had feelings for her ever since we first met and I’m almost positive she had or maybe still has some for me.

I told her that I liked her a few days ago and told her that if she wanted to maybe go on some (very slow) dates, nothing serious just chill and have a nice time together.

She replied with that she doesn’t think it could work and that she has too much respect for me?!

So yeh, I think I’ve put myself in the ‘zone’

My question is to the girls out there - help a brother out and help me get me out of the zone! 😂

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Forgot to add; she also said it could be difficult as we work together which I said no one would need to know until/if we wanted them to know.

Reply 2

Surnia

20

Original post by Anonymous

Forgot to add; she also said it could be difficult as we work together which I said no one would need to know until/if we wanted them to know.

It's not just other people that are a concern to her; she's thinking how would it be if a relationship between you didn't work out and you were still working together?

She's not interested; move on.

Reply 3

Kathy89

20

Many think that good friends (maybe even best friends) can't make a good couple. It is very hard if you part to stay friends and loosing a best friend is even worse so many prefer to just stay friends.

I partially agree with that.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Kathy89

Many think that good friends (maybe even best friends) can't make a good couple. It is very hard if you part to stay friends and loosing a best friend is even worse so many prefer to just stay friends.

I partially agree with that.

I can see that but what happens if we get together and it’s an amazing relationship, which I think it would be. We’re very much alike and bounce of each other really well and we trust each other 100%

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Is there anything I can do to get out from the friend zone?

Reply 6

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Not really, essentially what's happened is you've befriended someone.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Admit-One

Not really, essentially what's happened is you've befriended someone.

We’ve been close before though. Surely that must mean something? I guess I’ll just have to support her as a friend and leave it

Reply 8

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Original post by Anonymous

We’ve been close before though. Surely that must mean something? I guess I’ll just have to support her as a friend and leave it

I think if she was interested in that she would have been more positive about your approach, (which I think you did in the right way, all things considered). It sucks, but it is what it is.

Reply 9

Zarek

21

In my experience there is no way out. It means she values you as a friend and doesn’t fancy you

Reply 10

cloud_9_

18

Original post by Anonymous

So,

I’ve known a girl at work for 5 years and we really get on. We’ve talked about a lot of things over the years, speaking almost daily. We’ve spoke in depth about relationships and everything else life chucks at you.

We have had a few moments over the years when she split with her now ex-boyfriend - but he managed to worm his way back in, naturally until now.

She’s just got out of a relationship with him and made him pack his bags and leave around 4 months ago - she found he was cheating on her. Scumbag.

Anyway, I’ve always had feelings for her ever since we first met and I’m almost positive she had or maybe still has some for me.

I told her that I liked her a few days ago and told her that if she wanted to maybe go on some (very slow) dates, nothing serious just chill and have a nice time together.

She replied with that she doesn’t think it could work and that she has too much respect for me?!

So yeh, I think I’ve put myself in the ‘zone’

My question is to the girls out there - help a brother out and help me get me out of the zone! 😂

Once a girl puts you in the friendzone, there’s no way out tbh. And it’s been 5 years bro, you’re in way too deep. Move on from her.

Reply 11

StriderHort

21

Sounds like she is telling you she doesn't want to complicate her life any more than it is.

You think it will be 100% great if you get together (and you're assuming total 100% trust from someone who has just apparently came from a terrible relationship - unlikely) but if anything she is looking at this a bit more pragmatically. The trouble with trying to nip in after a breakup where there is a 'window' is that there is a HUGE chance it will end in a short lived rebound fling which fizzles out, so she is v much looking ahead to losing her friend/support and things at work being awkward.

Reply 12

Lita fan girl

6

Original post by Anonymous

I can see that but what happens if we get together and it’s an amazing relationship, which I think it would be. We’re very much alike and bounce of each other really well and we trust each other 100%

She only likes you as a friend

Reply 13

DarylO

18

She just got out of a relationship where she was cheated on, and you're this focused on pushing her into another? That's a little selfish. You're only seeing things from your perspective, and are dismissing her feelings about this.

She has said she's not interested so kindly leave her alone and find someone else for romance. She hasn't been courting you for 5 years. She has been YOUR FRIEND for 5 years. She didn't friendzone you. You created that zone and placed yourself in it. Trusting each other and having compatible personalities does not equal being in a relationship or flirting. It's called friendship. If a guy trusted you and had a personality that flowed well with yours, you wouldn't be creating scenarios where he has feelings for you. He would just be your friend. She saw a friend in you as she should and she expects you to remain a friend.

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

So,

I’ve known a girl at work for 5 years and we really get on. We’ve talked about a lot of things over the years, speaking almost daily. We’ve spoke in depth about relationships and everything else life chucks at you.

We have had a few moments over the years when she split with her now ex-boyfriend - but he managed to worm his way back in, naturally until now.

She’s just got out of a relationship with him and made him pack his bags and leave around 4 months ago - she found he was cheating on her. Scumbag.

Anyway, I’ve always had feelings for her ever since we first met and I’m almost positive she had or maybe still has some for me.

I told her that I liked her a few days ago and told her that if she wanted to maybe go on some (very slow) dates, nothing serious just chill and have a nice time together.

She replied with that she doesn’t think it could work and that she has too much respect for me?!

So yeh, I think I’ve put myself in the ‘zone’

My question is to the girls out there - help a brother out and help me get me out of the zone! 😂

As much as u want it to work as much as u think it’ll be perfect. She doesn’t see u in that way unfortunately

Move on as much as it may hurt n if she comes to u then u can decide but the ball isn’t in ur court to decide

U deserve someone who wants to be w u and that’s the only truth

Reply 15

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Original post by DarylO

She just got out of a relationship where she was cheated on, and you're this focused on pushing her into another? That's a little selfish. You're only seeing things from your perspective, and are dismissing her feelings about this.

She has said she's not interested so kindly leave her alone and find someone else for romance. She hasn't been courting you for 5 years. She has been YOUR FRIEND for 5 years. She didn't friendzone you. You created that zone and placed yourself in it. Trusting each other and having compatible personalities does not equal being in a relationship or flirting. It's called friendship. If a guy trusted you and had a personality that flowed well with yours, you wouldn't be creating scenarios where he has feelings for you. He would just be your friend. She saw a friend in you as she should and she expects you to remain a friend.

Spot on.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by DarylO

She just got out of a relationship where she was cheated on, and you're this focused on pushing her into another? That's a little selfish. You're only seeing things from your perspective, and are dismissing her feelings about this.

I’m not forcing her into anything, I simply asked if it’s possibly to get out of the ‘friend zone’ of which is already stated I put myself in.

Reply 17

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I’m not forcing her into anything, I simply asked if it’s possibly to get out of the ‘friend zone’ of which is already stated I put myself in.

How did u put yourself in the zone?

Reply 18

DarylO

18

Original post by Anonymous

I’m not forcing her into anything, I simply asked if it’s possibly to get out of the ‘friend zone’ of which is already stated I put myself in.

You're disrespecting a clear boundary she has set and asking folks on here how to push her to take back her decision. I consider that coercion which is a type of force. Call it whatever you may but I honestly find your behaviour quite inconsiderate.

In your comments, you immediately dismissed the worries she stated and just kept going on and on about what you want. You're not even exploring things from her perspective. It's just 'I know she said this BUT what about me? :frown: