[Men troubles!] To e-mail or not...

If I was with someone and I had someone else saying they liked me and wanted to know if I would ever be with them I would feel awkward to say the very least.
I would feel like they wanted me to break up with the person I was with.

Sorry. I don't have any advice...if I was in your situation I would bite my tongue and not say anything...but then I'm not the best person to ask for advice about a relationship.

Reply 2

Talky to him but as you mentioned an email would give him more time and not put him on the spot. Out with it but pleasantly, calmed, controlled - face to face you may actually express more than you think you would be able to.=0)

Reply 3

OP

Luize

If I was with someone and I had someone else saying they liked me and wanted to know if I would ever be with them I would feel awkward to say the very least.
I would feel like they wanted me to break up with the person I was with.

Sorry. I don't have any advice...if I was in your situation I would bite my tongue and not say anything...but then I'm not the best person to ask for advice about a relationship.

Definitely sound advice, but in this case things are a bit weird. There's a lot of unsaid stuff between us - namely that he's never actually told me he's going out with this girl (i know through other people but he never ever ever mentions her to me). Because of this i feel like we really need some honesty and to get stuff out in the open. Does that make more sense?

Reply 4

khil

15

Send it - but make sure he knows you're not asking him to break up now with his current girlfriend. Make sure he knows all you want is to KNOW and a clarification.

I reckon you're dealing with this ok - confrontation's always better than not knowing! Even if he says no, it's better to know.

Hope all works out :tsr:

Reply 5

I do agree with irisng. A confrontation is better than not knowing...
Are you planning on making him aware that you know about his gf?

Reply 6

There is reason why though?

Reply 7

OP

Thanks for the good advice irisng and Luize :smile:

Luize

Are you planning on making him aware that you know about his gf?

Yeah, I was thinking of saying that I know he has a gf so I know nothing can happen at the moment... I kind of feel like there's mind games going on in the fact that she's never mentioned, and I want to try and step above that so we can finally both be honest. Does that seem sensible?

Reply 8

OP

Jayjayjay

There is reason why though?

There is reason why what...?

Reply 9

dazednconfused

Yeah, I was thinking of saying that I know he has a gf so I know nothing can happen at the moment... I kind of feel like there's mind games going on in the fact that she's never mentioned, and I want to try and step above that so we can finally both be honest. Does that seem sensible?

Yeh.
I know I have neglected to tell people about partners before because I thought it might hurt them. Have you been flirting...is there any chance that he knows you like him?
Of course I'm just speculating...he may just want to keep his relationship life private. (though if you are good friends it's seems strange to not mention it...obviously depending on how long he has been with her)

Reply 10

dazednconfused

There is reason why what...?

SORRY!
I meant a reason why he has not ever mentioned his friend. Does not want to upset you or something like that. What would be the danger of your knowing, is there one - maybe there is in his opinion.

Reply 11

OP

Luize

Yeh.
I know I have neglected to tell people about partners before because I thought it might hurt them. Have you been flirting...is there any chance that he knows you like him?
Of course I'm just speculating...he may just want to keep his relationship life private. (though if you are good friends it's seems strange to not mention it...obviously depending on how long he has been with her)

I reckon there's a good chance he knows (or at least suspects) that i like him to be honest. We had a spark between us from the moment we met and it never really went away...
He's a sensible guy though, surely he knows he's more likely to hurt me by not telling me he's taken? We're friends who chat regularly - from what i can tell he's been with her around 6-8 months and he talks about her to everyone but me :cool:

Reply 12

OP

Jayjayjay

SORRY!
I meant a reason why he has not ever mentioned his friend. Does not want to upset you or something like that. What would be the danger of your knowing, is there one - maybe there is in his opinion.

Surely the only danger with me knowing is that i'll stop fancying him because he's not available? Or that it'll upset me... but then surely it's kinder to make it clear he's in a relationship so that i don't get my hopes up? It's just weird...

Reply 13

dazednconfused

I reckon there's a good chance he knows (or at least suspects) that i like him to be honest. We had a spark between us from the moment we met and it never really went away...
He's a sensible guy though, surely he knows he's more likely to hurt me by not telling me he's taken? We're friends who chat regularly - from what i can tell he's been with her around 6-8 months and he talks about her to everyone but me :cool:

He may be sensible...but I'm apparently sensible and don't like telling people about things...I will avoid it for as long as I can. Would never lie about it, but would never bring up a conversation about it...if it looked like it was heading that way I would change the convo.
What I'm trying to say is caring about someone sometimes takes away the logic. And it is hard to tell if knowing will hurt a person more than no knowing.

Reply 14