Friend's boyfriend raped me..
I'm 19 and female. My friends younger sister (18) had a big party on Sunday night and I got quite drunk. My friends boyfriend is a bit older than me (22) and he was a few years above me at school. Him & my friend have been together for about a year and they're engaged. Anyway I remember him giving me a lift home and because no one was home he came in with me and put the lights on etc and he put the tv on and sat next to me and started saying I was gorgeous etc and long story short he got ontop of me and had sex with me, I didn't scream or slap him or anything but I told him to stop more than once and I was in a state. Now I feel really confused and idk what to do, I don't want to tell my friend because 1. she's in love with him and 2. i'm scared of him, and no one will believe me because he's the sort of guy who everyone likes and he is acting like a family man with her 3 year old little boy 
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**** things like this make me rage....
Report to the police - no one should have to go through what you did
Seriously you cant keep quiet about this sort of stuff. It will eat at you for the rest of your life if you don't take action..
Report to the police - no one should have to go through what you did
Seriously you cant keep quiet about this sort of stuff. It will eat at you for the rest of your life if you don't take action..
(edited 12 years ago)
If your friend is in love with him and is going to marry him and spend "the rest of her life" with this man, shouldn't she be told what type of man he is, so she doesn't make a huge mistake by marrying him. Was this guy drunk too? Was he totally aware that you did not want to have sex with him?? If so this is rape and you should not even hesitate to report this to the police, the longer you leave it the more chance you'll never report him and he'll get away with this behaviour and do it again to someone else.
Girl please don’t let me have to slap sense into you…..You NEED to REPORT it to POLICE ASAP…… Regardless if you were in a state or not, he took advantage!!!! If you say stop it means stop.
THIS REALLY MAKES MY BLOOD BOILS!!!
Please report him, you can’t let him get away with this, not only did he take advantage of you but he cheated and did he even use protection.
If you don’t want to go to the police station go to the Sexual Health Clinic and tell them what happened and they will know what to do.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!
THIS REALLY MAKES MY BLOOD BOILS!!!
Please report him, you can’t let him get away with this, not only did he take advantage of you but he cheated and did he even use protection.
If you don’t want to go to the police station go to the Sexual Health Clinic and tell them what happened and they will know what to do.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!
(edited 12 years ago)
Reporting a rape to the police is a big decision, and often the police are very unhelpful, and the process can be very invasive.
The most important thing for you to do right now, is to take care of your mental state. You should try ringing some helplines, they will offer you the best advice on how to talk to your friend about it, or how to talk to someone else about it.
http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
Remember, this is not your fault, and what you do next is entirely your decision. Your next move should be something which will make you feel happy and help you deal with the event in your own way. You should not feel under pressure to report him if that is not what you feel comfortable doing.
Hope that helps xx
The most important thing for you to do right now, is to take care of your mental state. You should try ringing some helplines, they will offer you the best advice on how to talk to your friend about it, or how to talk to someone else about it.
http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
Remember, this is not your fault, and what you do next is entirely your decision. Your next move should be something which will make you feel happy and help you deal with the event in your own way. You should not feel under pressure to report him if that is not what you feel comfortable doing.
Hope that helps xx
I'm so so sorry to hear what happened to you OP. This is not your fault, this is all on him, okay?
You do NOT have to call the police, you do not have to do anything. All you have to do, is whatever you think is best for you, okay? If you want to report him, that is great; but if you don't, then you don't have to, and it is great that you are putting your needs first.
I strongly recommend you call your local rape crisis centre, whatever you want to do. They will support you, they will believe you, they will get you counselling if you want it, they will get you legal help if you want it.
Here are some links:
Rape Crisis
Samaritans
Scarleteen
Pandora's Project
I really hope things get better for you OP, don't hesitate to PM me if you need help.
You do NOT have to call the police, you do not have to do anything. All you have to do, is whatever you think is best for you, okay? If you want to report him, that is great; but if you don't, then you don't have to, and it is great that you are putting your needs first.
I strongly recommend you call your local rape crisis centre, whatever you want to do. They will support you, they will believe you, they will get you counselling if you want it, they will get you legal help if you want it.
Here are some links:
Rape Crisis
Samaritans
Scarleteen
Pandora's Project
I really hope things get better for you OP, don't hesitate to PM me if you need help.
sorry that you had to go through this. the best thing you can do is to meet up with him...while wearing some sort of recording device...or maybe a telephone call to him, and ask "why did you have to do that kinda thing? i said no but u carried on? "...but laugh about it on the phone ...just try and get an incriminating voice recording of him. i assume if hes stupid enough to rape a girl...hes stupid enough to rape somebody, then hes stupid enough to let u get a recording of him admitting it probably. also im sure dna checks etc could prove that he had sex with you. im not sure how they could tell the difference between a rape and a voluntary sexual act though.
first step is to get a recording of him, take care of your mental health if you are really hurt by it (me personally i think id be really annoyed, but if he didn't hurt you its just sex right?), speak to your friend who goes out with him...tell her the situation...and tell to MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT IT INCLUDING HER RAPIST BOYFRIEND. but atleast you can sort of ruin his life in a way by making sure she knows what kinda guy he is.
first step is to get a recording of him, take care of your mental health if you are really hurt by it (me personally i think id be really annoyed, but if he didn't hurt you its just sex right?), speak to your friend who goes out with him...tell her the situation...and tell to MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT IT INCLUDING HER RAPIST BOYFRIEND. but atleast you can sort of ruin his life in a way by making sure she knows what kinda guy he is.
Original post by DontWorryBeHappy
sorry that you had to go through this. the best thing you can do is to meet up with him...while wearing some sort of recording device...or maybe a telephone call to him, and ask "why did you have to do that kinda thing? i said no but u carried on? "...but laugh about it on the phone ...just try and get an incriminating voice recording of him. i assume if hes stupid enough to rape a girl...hes stupid enough to rape somebody, then hes stupid enough to let u get a recording of him admitting it probably. also im sure dna checks etc could prove that he had sex with you. im not sure how they could tell the difference between a rape and a voluntary sexual act though.
first step is to get a recording of him, take care of your mental health if you are really hurt by it (me personally i think id be really annoyed, but if he didn't hurt you its just sex right?), speak to your friend who goes out with him...tell her the situation...and tell to MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT IT INCLUDING HER RAPIST BOYFRIEND. but atleast you can sort of ruin his life in a way by making sure she knows what kinda guy he is.
first step is to get a recording of him, take care of your mental health if you are really hurt by it (me personally i think id be really annoyed, but if he didn't hurt you its just sex right?), speak to your friend who goes out with him...tell her the situation...and tell to MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT IT INCLUDING HER RAPIST BOYFRIEND. but atleast you can sort of ruin his life in a way by making sure she knows what kinda guy he is.
Doesn't sound sensible to me.
Original post by Anonymous
Doesn't sound sensible to me.
I have to strongly agree with this. Don't meet up with him.
yea what was i thinking you are right. but you need to find a way of recording him while admitting what he did. maybe speak to ur friend who goes out with him, tell her to pressure him for the info, while she is recording the convo.
i dont have much knowledge of this sort of stuff, but im guessing there are loads of ppl who scream rape , and nothing gets investigated. try and get some proof.
anyway, gl
i dont have much knowledge of this sort of stuff, but im guessing there are loads of ppl who scream rape , and nothing gets investigated. try and get some proof.
anyway, gl
Original post by DontWorryBeHappy
yea what was i thinking you are right. but you need to find a way of recording him while admitting what he did. maybe speak to ur friend who goes out with him, tell her to pressure him for the info, while she is recording the convo.
i dont have much knowledge of this sort of stuff, but im guessing there are loads of ppl who scream rape , and nothing gets investigated. try and get some proof.
anyway, gl
i dont have much knowledge of this sort of stuff, but im guessing there are loads of ppl who scream rape , and nothing gets investigated. try and get some proof.
anyway, gl
The rate of false reporting for rape is about 2%, which is about average for all crimes and significantly lower than the false reporting rate for, say, car theft. Don't guess, check your facts. The reason the rape conviction rate is so low is because of people who think things like that.
OP, don't meet up with him. He is not safe, and your safety is the most important thing. You don't have to report if you don't want to. I strongly advise you speak to your local rape crisis centre, they will be able to help you much better than a bunch of teenagers on here.
Original post by DontWorryBeHappy
sorry that you had to go through this. the best thing you can do is to meet up with him...while wearing some sort of recording device...or maybe a telephone call to him, and ask "why did you have to do that kinda thing? i said no but u carried on? "...but laugh about it on the phone ...just try and get an incriminating voice recording of him. i assume if hes stupid enough to rape a girl...hes stupid enough to rape somebody, then hes stupid enough to let u get a recording of him admitting it probably. also im sure dna checks etc could prove that he had sex with you. im not sure how they could tell the difference between a rape and a voluntary sexual act though.
first step is to get a recording of him, take care of your mental health if you are really hurt by it (me personally i think id be really annoyed, but if he didn't hurt you its just sex right?), speak to your friend who goes out with him...tell her the situation...and tell to MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT IT INCLUDING HER RAPIST BOYFRIEND. but atleast you can sort of ruin his life in a way by making sure she knows what kinda guy he is.
first step is to get a recording of him, take care of your mental health if you are really hurt by it (me personally i think id be really annoyed, but if he didn't hurt you its just sex right?), speak to your friend who goes out with him...tell her the situation...and tell to MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT IT INCLUDING HER RAPIST BOYFRIEND. but atleast you can sort of ruin his life in a way by making sure she knows what kinda guy he is.
Its called entrapment and is illegal. And meeting up with him is a dumb idea.
Original post by Yolly
The rate of false reporting for rape is about 2%, which is about average for all crimes and significantly lower than the false reporting rate for, say, car theft. Don't guess, check your facts. The reason the rape conviction rate is so low is because of people who think things like that.
OP, don't meet up with him. He is not safe, and your safety is the most important thing. You don't have to report if you don't want to. I strongly advise you speak to your local rape crisis centre, they will be able to help you much better than a bunch of teenagers on here.
OP, don't meet up with him. He is not safe, and your safety is the most important thing. You don't have to report if you don't want to. I strongly advise you speak to your local rape crisis centre, they will be able to help you much better than a bunch of teenagers on here.
On of the main reasons its so low is that its damn hard to prove. Very often its one persons word against another. And our justice is of the idealology that its better for one 10 rapists go free than 1 innocent goes to jail. We also have a system of beyond reasonable doubt.
OP your situation is horrible, going to the police is one option, but it is a long harrowing experiance and nothing may come of it, so make damn sure its something you want to do.
Telling your friend also has its drawbacks. She may not believe you and hes hardly liable to admit it either.
The best thing i think is get three or four big lads and "impress" upon him the error of his ways
Telling your friend may not work. If she doesn't want to beleive that about her fiancé, she may refuse to believe it or somehow pin the blame on you. Of course there may be a chance she's fully supportive and will help you deal with it and kick him out on his arse for what he did.
As for that, everyone else saying it's your choice about the police are right. If you want him brought to trial and are prepared for that, then they may be able to help. If you don't think it will help, don't feel like you have to.
Just be aware that it's complicated and, like everyone's been saying, there's nothing wrong with you at all. If all else fails, there'll probably be some girls (or even guys) on TSR who have been what you've been through and will be happy to help. I hope there are.
As for that, everyone else saying it's your choice about the police are right. If you want him brought to trial and are prepared for that, then they may be able to help. If you don't think it will help, don't feel like you have to.
Just be aware that it's complicated and, like everyone's been saying, there's nothing wrong with you at all. If all else fails, there'll probably be some girls (or even guys) on TSR who have been what you've been through and will be happy to help. I hope there are.
1. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT
2. IT IS OK TO GET DRUNK
3. A NO IS A NO. ALWAYS
My sister got raped as a virgin when she was quite young, and it took her ages to get over it and start having love relations with guys. (And she never reported him)
So: take care of your mental state, talk, cry, get therapy, contact a rapecrisis center.
Do not report if you do not feel up to it, unfortunately women do not always get treated right along the way, and that makes you feel even worse. Sad truth.
Take care of yourself. Big hug.
2. IT IS OK TO GET DRUNK
3. A NO IS A NO. ALWAYS
My sister got raped as a virgin when she was quite young, and it took her ages to get over it and start having love relations with guys. (And she never reported him)
So: take care of your mental state, talk, cry, get therapy, contact a rapecrisis center.
Do not report if you do not feel up to it, unfortunately women do not always get treated right along the way, and that makes you feel even worse. Sad truth.
Take care of yourself. Big hug.
I'm not going to lie, the first thing I thought was why didn't you throw him off?
That being said the police should be informed. The guy deserves to be reported. If not for yourself than for others because what happened to you can happen to another girl.
Plus your friend shouldn't be with a guy who will cheat on her should she?
That being said the police should be informed. The guy deserves to be reported. If not for yourself than for others because what happened to you can happen to another girl.
Plus your friend shouldn't be with a guy who will cheat on her should she?
Original post by Anonymous
I didn't scream or slap him or anything
Why?........
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