Well this is technically asking about Islam, I'm asking for help in Islam in particular, I made a post about this on some forum so here is a copy paste:
Hello everyone, I'm a new member here and solely created this account because enough is enough. A bit of background information, I'm an 18 year old boy who's soon going to do his A-level examinations so there is tension/pressure/ stress every single day from every single family member, I guess you all can see where this is going, it's gotten so bad in fact that I'm experiencing suicidal thoughts but can't get myself together to actually commit suicide (consider this as a side question, why was I born without permission but must take permission to die/kill myself? I mean, what if Allah wrote it in my destiny that I would kill myself and of course people who kill themselves are condemned to hell, like really? Allah is just doing this to make an example out of people to fuel his ego or something? Just a thought I'm having.)
But the main thing is that I'm losing faith because things are getting too hard for me, I try to remember Allah but it's not helping. What's worse is that I've completely stopped praying, I used to be so consistent and disciplined in my prayers but everything is starting to fall apart, whenever I try to pray now, I do not feel as if I'm praying, in fact, I always felt that way, I just feel as if I'm moving my arms and legs and not 'praying', like, is there a certain 'feeling' you get or not? Because I'm not getting it at all, it feels so bad thinking this way but that's my current situation unfortunately.
Help would be appreciated, thanks.